A Tale of Two Quarterbacks: NFL Week 3
Content Warning: What you are about to read contains some petty, gossipy, catfight-inciting takes. And a little bit about football. But mostly like Real Housewives-esque drama.
The good news for all of you is the the NFL clearly heard me and Katrina’s complaints and they really turned down the “injury” setting on this weeks games. It could be argued that there was just a lull in sprains because the weakest links all got taken out last week, but we’re optimists! Injuries are on the decline! By the end of the season people won’t be getting injured at all, most likely because there won’t be any players left!
As we established in our fun & flirty week 2 recap, we do not have time to watch all the games. Also like, as someone who normally spends all of Saturday & Sunday watching sports, I can honestly say sometimes your brain needs a break from the content wheel! We missed a lot of the early games Sunday because we we’re busy at a PARK having OUTSIDE time. Sue us! Actually, just sue Katrina because she watched ZERO games and focused on binging Legend of Korra (but who can blame her).
Before we delve into The Games We Actually Did Watch, let’s cover some other highlights:
The Bears won (again?!?! who is this Chicago?!?!) thanks to a DRAMATIC but not TOTALLY UNEXPECTED quarterback switcheroo. After everyone made a huge deal about how Good Ol Mitch Trubisky had a fire lit under his ass and he was actually going to work hard and play well this season in weeks 1 & 2, he played like absolute garbàge and they pulled him from the game, replacing him with Nick Foles, aka Mr. Steal Yo Girl. I’m not trying to create a narrative of drama here, but this is some Mean Girls shit. Like if this happened in a Lady Sport?? The speculation would be endless. But instead everyone just said this was inevitable.
There was a TIE between the Eagles & the Bengals. I’m not trying to bash anyone’s athleticism here, and we already discussed how bogus the OT rules are, but in the first game of one NHL playoff series the players went on for 5 (five! cinco! cinq!) 20-minute OT periods. That’s a real OT. No ties in football we say! We demand it!
The Saints lost and I don’t want to talk about it. (But for the record there were some bad calls).
GAMES OF THE WEEK
Seattle Seahawks 38, Dallas Cowboys 31
This game. had. EVERYTHING. you want to talk about drama? We had a missed kick on the turnover, a safety (TIL what a safety is and it’s not just a field position! Turns out it’s a scoring play!), two essential linemen getting sent out with injury, a touchback on what SHOULD have been a touchdown run for D.K Metcalf (cue me texting every dude I know to be like “uh, what’s a touchback?”), and all this happened in the FIRST QUARTER. Honorable mention to DK’s single cross earring which, to be completely frank, I loved. Dak Prescott kept up with Chef Russ, but when the cowboys almost mounted a comeback for the second week in a row, he threw an interception. Loving football is pain folks, our hearts go out to Cowboys fans this week.
Kansas City Chiefs 34, Baltimore Ravens 20
The Media had such a hard-on for this game I’m surprised they didn’t blow their wad in pregame coverage. Seriously not to be NSFW (too late), but they would not shut up about the Mahomes- Jackson face-off, which in my opinion would’ve been a more interesting battle had the Ravens won this matchup last year, but they didn’t, because even though we LOVE to brag about the Chiefs offense, they also have GREAT defensive strategy. They left no pockets for Lamar to sneaky run through, and even though he had the best rush performance of the game with 9 carries for 83yds (which is more than he had in weeks 1 & 2), it wasn’t enough. Pat, for his part, threw 4 touchdowns, and though he claims he’s “not where he could be” yet this season, he’s clearly good enough to beat everyone. My personal favorite part of this game wasn’t in the game itself, but in the MNF intro, which featured graphics of both quarterbacks as SPORTS CARS that then turned into TRANSFORMERS and PUNCHED EACH OTHER with their stats listed next to them. Not sure who on the design team (definitely a man) came up with that one, but I would not call it a win.
As you can see Lamar’s feet a glowing because he RUNS a lot. This is some high brow content.
Not to brag but considering Katrina did not pull her weight and I fell asleep during every single game I watched, this is some pretty full coverage- but if you still want more stay tuned for some NCAA takes later this week. Everything is going pretty smooth for the NFL really absolutely zero problems and COVID-19 doesn’t exist in football. Unless you’re talking about the Tennessee Titans shutting down their entire training facility after 8 positive cases today. Oh, and their opponents from Sunday, the Vikings, having to follow suit in an abundance of precaution. But I’m sure that will work itself out, it’s not like this is a highly infectious and easily transmitted virus. Right?
