Ball. Is. Life.
Patrick Ewing, greatest player, coach and meme generator
You all know how we roll by now. Football? Well, it’s not exactly our thing. FUTball? Obviously yes great but television rights are complicated . But believe it or not, we also cover sports not having to anything to to with feet or fut- it’s about to be BASKETBALL SEASON BABY. And you want to know the only thing I smoke? Clowns like you on the bball court. (if you don’t get that reference, you are a Gen Zer or a boomer I presume.)
We’re officially ONE DAY AWAY from the start of college basketball season, which, as a proud Hoya fan, is near and dear to my heart. I’m not here to give you a preview of the upcoming season (I mean, how could I? The last season literally ended with the Big East tournament being evacuated from MSG on March 13th and the world shutting down. I have no data to work with!), but I am here to get you HYPED for the most exciting college sport (other than collegiate cornhole).
A few quick reasons y’all are going to LOVE basketball season
GAMES ARE 2 HOURS LONG I REPEAT NOT ALL DAY. And I’m talking 2 hours max with halftime ok!! And if one team turns over the ball, guess what??? The other team just gets it and rolls with it!! There’s no stupid lining up and shooting the shit for another 25 minutes.
Basketball commentators are objectively better than football commentators. As if he wasn’t hilarious in his own right, you need to read this wonderful story about Charles Barkley. He has hot takes AND a heart of gold.
In college basketball, there are GREAT storied rivalries. Yes, this exists in college football but like… again it’s hard for me to get involved in a story line with 90 players on each team and a plot that goes on for 3+ hours!! If you want to learn about these rivalries, and the issues caused by the conference breakup in 2014, I encourage you to watch the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary Requiem for the Big East. It will help you get all the background about why Syracuse is the worst sorry excuse for a university in this country :) no hate tho!! (JK JUICE CUSE)
The whole game is super fast moving. We’re like up and down and all around all the time! Plus, like soccer, it’s pretty straight forward. But don’t worry, unlike football, I actually do know what’s going on in bball so I can explain any confusion.
Motherf*cking MARCH MADNESS bitches. you cannot tell me that there is a more exciting month in any other sport (well, I mean, besides the Olympics but that’s only every 2 years). You can know 0 about basketball, you can know everything about basketball, you can pick your bracket based on mascots or on Nate Silver’s stats; we are all in the same boat when it comes to predicting the outcome of the Big Dance (also, what a BAD ASS nickname for a tourney!!!) Plus each stage has a fun alliterative names ! Trust me guys, we are going to have a good time with this (assuming Covid is over by then?? Although the NCAA has already reserved the trademark for “Battle in the Bubble”so…. leaving the door open for that)
So what can you expect going forward? K to be honest, the first few weeks are going to be a bit random as we do a bunch of non-conference games, but right after Christmas we’ll head into conference play which is where we’ll start to see the sitch shape up a bit. Stay tuned for more coverage coming soon (yes, we will be Big East biased. Hoya Saxa!!)
In other basketball news, this week we had the NBA (virtual) draft featuring ESPN WORLD HQ IN BRISTOL CT and Adam Silver, basketball’s favorite friendly vampire (fun fact, I met the Commish once and he was very nice but exactly as intimidating as he appears on TV). The Minnesota Timberwolves had the first pick going with Anthony Edwards (noting this so you know when to drink for NUMBER ONE DRAFT PICK), and the Warrior’s (Boyfriend’s team) also got a great pick going second. Third pick was LaMelo Ball, who comes from the Kardashian Family of Basketball, and whose brother claims he can beat MJ in a 1on 1. (They’re selling shirts that say « MJ here we come »). For me, the star of the night was Oneyku Okongwu, who overcame the tragedy of a skateboarding accident killing his brother to go on to the NBA! I’m not crying you’re crying!! I’m more pro NBA than I am NFL, in that they tend to be slightly (slightly) more ~woke on social justice issues, but tbh, any game where people are routinely scoring 100 points makes me skeptical. Just like, seems wild.
BUT they did win us over because the VISITED THE POPE to talk about social justice???? Nothing but respect for my spiritual leader. They also gave him jerseys and I can’t wait for Francis to white smoke these clowns on the court.
Basketball 2020-2021 We fly high, no lie, you know this (BALLIN).
