The Safety Dance: NFL Week 11
I never fully understood what The Safety Dance was actually about, but it’s catchy as hell and doubles as an appropriate title for this week because the NFL scriptwriters decided the theme was SAFETIES.
What’s a safety you ask? uh. we don’t really know. We’re still kinda figuring it out. We would like to point out that “safety” is both a position and a PLAY and that seems unfair. From what we understand, in the SIMPLEST of definitions, it’s sort of an own goal. Like if a team, let’s say the Eagles, have boofed it and are starting a drive in their own endzone, and let’s say, for argument’s sake, Carson Wentz gets sacked and drops the ball and it touches the MAGIC ENDZONE GRASS, that is a SAFETY and you get two points. Why 2? No one knows. Some say it was decreed by the gods. Others say that the creators of the rules for this sport all probably have CTE and maybe don’t have great logical decision making. Who knows!
Clearly, the people who are in charge of rigging all these games were like, “hey, these girls are getting pretty comfy using football jargon…let’s throw them off and have some safeties this week”, so we got to feel pretty dumb. Also literally no one else is as excited about the insane amount of safeties EXCEPT us???? Like guys don’t you love dumb statistics?!?!?
An overview of the week: We also missed an OVERTIME THRILLER between the Ravens and the Titans. The last time they met was in playoffs and the Titans picked off the Ravens to everyone-who-didn’t-know-Derrick-Henry’s surprise. Anyway they won again. The Raiders failed to beat the Chiefs because… Patrick Mahomes might be magic. Tua struggled, but it’s because he is still growing! Taysom Hill proved he’s more than the million trick pony…he can also be a starting QB. The Lions didn’t score…at all. Oh! And it was Juju’s birthday.
Before we delve into the games we watched and the safeties we saw, we would like to take a moment of silence to mourn Joe Burrow’s rookie season, which came to an end yesterday as the Number One Pick (Joe, drink), got tackled by the Number Two Pick (Chase Young), because in case you missed it, the O-Line of the Bengals refuse to protect their QB. Basically Joe needs a whole new knee and I cried about it. He was giving the bengals HOPE!!!! We might not see him again until 2022!!!!!!
The didn’t protecc. Chase Young attacc. RIP, yung Bengals quarterbacc.
THE GAMES WE WATCHED
Browns 22 Eagles 17
Do you see that Browns Score? Do you know who we have to thank for that? It is not Baker Mayfield, or ANYONR on the offense, but the Browns DEFENSE and I know that seems CRAZY because that’s not their jobs but it’s the truth!!!! In the first half, there was a pick 6 (CHUG) AND a safety. Needless to say, we were thrilled! Also, no offense to Carson Wentz, but it’s fun to watch him get sacked. Our big takeaways from this game were that 1) Cleveland really knows their brand. They CHOSE to wear the color brown. I love how they know their place and 2) the Browns stadium (Baker’s House) is low key trash???? they have this “DawgPound” fan area that just looks….bad and 3) an actual football take: there is no reason for the Eagles to be THIS shitty. They’re getting players back from injury, they have solid talent, and considering their company in the NFC East they should be a star? But alas! Oh also, it was disgusting during this game it poured the whole time. Horrible to watch, very muddy.
Jets 28 Chargers 34
I was half watching this (per usual. We’ve said it before and we’re never going to shut up about it: THESE GAMES ARE TOO LONG), but guess what? THE JETS SCORED A SAFETY. And that caught my full attention. I mean it was too late for them to win but they gave the chargers a lil bit of a game! But they kept their losing streak alive, no one worry!
This coming week is a VERY important week because Thanksgiving is a FOOTBALL HOLIDAY. Apparently. In our family we prefer to either binge the Bond movies or the Godfather, but we will TRY to squeeze in some headbashing as well, because we love our fans and…we’re grateful to our mom for reading this. And the two other people.
