Formula ONE more like Formula FUN

Did I (Katrina) ever think I would be writing this post? Certainly not. Over the years, I have made my disdain for motorsports known. Now, this is CERTAINLY not helped by NASCAR, an organization (like many or rather all American sports) that is steeped in racism (during the BLM protests, they banned fans from bringing the Confederate flag to events… like how is this something we still have to SAY smh). However, Covid pushes us all to the limit for new content, and I recently turned to the Netflix Series FORMULA 1 : Drive to Survive and, Reader, I was shook.

First of all, as far as I can tell, this sport has little to nothing to with NASCAR. These cars are like frickin ROCKET ships!!! They seem to be like lil go-karts but with turbo engines that are sort of hybrids? (don’t get it twisted though, it’s not that eco-friendly- they burn through tires like nobody’s business). Second, these teams are all sneaky and are constantly creating drama and backstabbing each other. And last, but not least, a solid 30% of the drivers are hot (you might be thinking, that’s not very high, but i promise you, the hot ones are REALLY HOT)

So yes, I did binge watch 3 seasons and I am here to give you my hot takes! The good , the bad, and everything in between. Here they are, the winners and losers of Formula 1 : Drive to Survive

Loser: The technical merits of the sport

Ok so presumably, like any sport, Formula 1 has rules. From what I can tell, the teams each have 2 drivers, and they compete to get points both individually (for the Driver’s Championship) and for their team. You score points up through 10th place. Do I know how many points per place? No. Also, if you’re “unsporting” or “unsafe” you can get penalties that add time to your lap. How? When? How much? Why? I don’t know. Sometimes, people crash and then there’s a yellow or red flag that means they go slow. I think. How slow? And for how long? and why is it they RESTARTED one race entirely?? Why is it that I don’t have the answers to these questions despite watching 3 seasons of this show?? Because the Netflix team does not stop to give you any context at all or explain any rules (contrary to their masterpieces like Cheer for instance). Thus, I am left with a rudimentary understanding of the sport despite spending approximately 15 hours watching it.

Winner : Exotic locales !

A cool thing about Formula 1 is they travel all over the world to race, so you get to see wild places like , Monaco, Baku (Azerbaijan!), Bahrain, or Singapore, where they race for 2h at night in 95% humidity. Why these places? Well again idk for sure but I do think that they probably are paying a lot of money to promote their countries. And its working!

Loser: Christian Horner

Christian is the Red Bull principal (like the coach) and this man wants to win more than anyone. he is a SNAKE !!! now you might think, he is a winner because he is married to Geri Halliwell AKA GINGER SPICE but you would be wrong. This man will stop at NOTHING to beat rivals Mercedes, Ferrari and Renault. He throws shade at all times in press conferences. He is INSUFFERABLE and ruthless. Red Bull is unique because they also have like a JV team in Formula 1, so at one point, Christian “promotes” one driver from that team, Pierre Gasly, and then just as swiftly demotes him when he doesn’t do well. AND THEN, promotes ANOTHER junior driver, Alex Albon and is like WHY ISN’T THIS MAN PERFORMING??? because this is a TOXIC workplace Christian!!! Also, he’s obsessed with his main Dutch driver, Max Verstappen who quickly proved to be, himself, a dick. F*ck Max Verstappen all my homies hate max verstappen.

Winner: Lewis Hamilton & Mercedes

Lewis is a literal and figurative winner. He is the winningest driver in Formula 1 history and Mercedes is also the top team. But more than that, Lewis really seems like a class act in my opinion. As a biracial driver, he has been open about discrimination and racism he has faced in his career, and has spoken frequently of Black Lives Matter. Also, any time he did kinda dirty move on the track, he always came over to apologize to the person after. Finally, he is giving me Neymar vibes and you know I cannot turn that kind of swag down. As for the rest of the Mercedes team, they totally won me over when they decided to celebrate their 50th race anniversary by dressing up in period costume. They looked like mobsters and I loved it. Their principal, Toto, is Austrian so he sounds like Shwartzenegger (how do you spell that??) when he talks he’s also fluent in several other languages, and he seems to be a jovial dude.

He has a triple lobe piercing?? Like what is this SWAG??

Loser : FIA

The FIA seems to be the organizing body and they do f*ck all. These teams are just wilding out here and FIA does not seem to get involved. recently (like 2020 ish) they put spending caps on the car budgets, which is a good idea so that other teams actually have a chance of winning (usually it’s the same top 3 all the time because they have massive budgets) but like?? Too little too late?? also, in the last season aired (2020) these assholes sent everyone to Melbourne for the first race of the season being like lol no worries covid isn’t real!! Lewis Hamilton (again, we stan) was like “ I truly don’t know why we are here??? this is insane?? What is the FIA thinking???” and then they had to cancel the race at the last second.

Winner : Danny Riccardo

I am certainly not PRO Australia (someone explain their accents to me I truly cannae), but I am pro Danny Riccardo. The man is absolutely smoldering hot. He is also hilarious. At one point, a reporter asked him “How does it feel to be the funniest driver on the track?” to which Danny responded, “Well, I’m also extremely good looking”. (no lies detected) He is not involved in too much drama between other drivers, he is out here living his life, FBGM if you know what I mean. Also, thanks to this video he did with GQ, I was able to learn slightly more about what was going on (no thanks to Netflix!) (shout out Fast&Furious as well)

Honorable mention: All of the French men on this show

Cyril out here being like, I’m here to kick ass and drink wine and I’m all out of wine

One great thing about Formula 1 is that as it is a British sport, and a lot of the races are in Europe, there are MANY French and Francophone men involved and they are all the most French ever. From Charles Leclerc, making millions of people learn that the the demonym for Monaco is Monégasque, to Pierre Gasly, a plucky underdog, to Romain Grosjean, whose storyline is wild and I will not spoil it for you, I love them all. But of course, special shoutout to Cyril Abiteboul, Renault’s principal, who is just an absolute mad man. Most recently, he lost a bet with Danny Riccardo and will be getting a tattoo (his first). A man of his word!

Honorable mention: Safety Car & Pit Crew

I am sure you’ve heard about the speedy pit crew in NASCAR, but these Formula 1 dudes cannot be beat. They change tires in like … 2 seconds!! that is not an exaggeration!! The only reason these guys aren’t a winner is because sadly they aren’t featured enough in the series and their role is never fully explained(this video is worth a watch though). there’s also a car called the SAFETY CAR which gets deployed whenever there’s a big crash or something. No spoilers, but these homies play a key role in a few incidents in later seasons. Team Safety Car for life!!

Have you watched the Netflix series? Do you watch Formula 1 live? Do you agree Max Verstappen sucks? Let me know in the comments!