Interception Inception & Back-Up QB Szn
It never gets easier folks! This week Katrina continued her second season slump as she forgot to make edits to her fantasy team’s line up before Sunday at 1pm and then was screwed over when a bunch of people weren’t playing! (Honestly this is not totally my fault because I didn’t get an ESPN alert that Julio Jones was out!! I still pulled out a win though!!)Oh, and there was some actual football that happened too: there was almost a safety (we have to look up what this is every time), and there were a million interceptions. Before we get into it fully, a quick recap on starting QBs that either left their game injured this week, didn’t play this week, or played injured: Jameis Winston (Saints, left injured- replaced by Trey Siemian), Sam Darnold (Panthers, left injured- replace by P.J Walker), Dak Prescott (Cowboys, didn’t play- replaced by Cooper Rush), Russell Wilson (Seahawks, didn’t play - replaced by Geno Smith), Zach Wilson (Jets, didn’t play- replaced by Mike White), Deshaun Watson (Houston, busy assaulting women- replaced by Davis Mills), Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins, played injured), Baker Mayfield (Browns, played injured). Count em- that’s 8. One for every week of the season so far! Again, this sport seems so safe and fun. Here’s a bonus one: Aaron Rodgers won’t play this weekend because he has COVID. After saying he was “immunized” against the virus. Hmmmmm.
ALSO- turns out there’s a trade deadline this week! So keep an eye on the clock for some last minute under the table dealings and hopefully some spicy switchups.
Games We Didn’t Watch
Panthers 19 Falcons 13: Sam Darnold was forced off into CONCUSSION PROTOCOL, leading to a lot of people speculating whether the Panthers will try to scoop Cam Newton.
Titans 34 Colts 31: Titans once again steal a win in OT despite an actually impressive game from Carson Wentz.
Bills 26 Dolphins 11: BILLS MAFIA STORMS ON BABY. Josh Allen is something ELSE.
Steelers 15 Browns 10: Baker Mayfield plays through shoulder injury and failed to dazzle.
Eagles 44 Lions 6: Jalen Hurts put NUMBERS on the board this week. Meanwhile Detroit forgot to show up.
Rams 38 Texans 22: Is anyone surprised by this? Maybe someone who’s been under a rock for the past two months.
49ers 33 Bears 22: Justin Fields is a TALENT he just needs time and also we like the 49ers and their season has better potential so they deserved the win more. No this is not biased.
Patriots 27 Chargers 24: Mac Jones rolled through the Chargers and the Patriots defense had answers for everything Hebert threw at them (literally).
Seahawks 31 Jaguars 7: Does it save your season to win against a shitty team? Will the Jaguars ever be good?
Broncos 17 Washington 10: Roll Teddy Bridgewater,
Chiefs 20 Giants 17: Honestly looked at this MNF Matchup and said naahhh but it looks like it wasn’t a bad game! The Chiefs remain on the struggle bus (with Katrina) but got a W and that’s progress at least.
Games We Did Watch
Packers 24 Cardinals 21
The Undefeated Cardinals got defeated by BIG TOUGH AARON RODGERS. That holistic medicine that he took to immunize from COVID probably gave him QB Super Powers!!! TBH the loss had to come sometime (just like when the steelers went on a run last year), all streaks must come to an end, and the Packers have been on a bit of a tear lately so this isn’t a huge surprise. The Cardinals need to learn some patience, and not get frustrated when a defense throws a wrench into their plans. I think good advice for most of us, on and off the gridiron, is learn not to panic when things don’t go exactly as planned!!!!
Jets 34 Bengals 31
Are the Jets GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL?!!?!?!? Is this happening?? Obviously this game was on our TV because it is trash Jets and that is all se normally get to watch, but we were excited to watch Jeaux Burreaux and the Bengals because they were on a hot streak! Their offense has been great!!! AND the Jets were missing starting quarterback so we were stuck with Mike White, so things didn’t look great at the outset. Well we ate our words!!!! Like a new manager bump in soccer, the Jets had a new QB boost. White completed pass after pass, the offensive coordinator made good play calls, and for awhile the Jets were RUNNING AWAY WITH IT. Then the Bengals made the comeback we expected them to make, and were leading by a couple touchdowns, and we figured that’d be good enough. The Bengals, for their part, did everything they could do to lose, such as repeatedly doing the same play (passing to lamarr chase) even after it wasn’t working. Nice try!!! Anyways the Jets won and now they’re the best team in the NFL!!!!
Saints 36 Bucs 27
Holy SHIT partner we DID IT. Ask anyone I was like I’m not going to even wear my lucky saints shirt because I am frightened this Bucs game will taint its winning power (and also I hadn’t done laundry and we were on a short week because we played Monday). But the Saints playing at home on ol hallows eve PULLED SOME SHIT OFF. This did also happen last year only for us to lose to them when it counted in the playoffs, but let’s not talk about that now! Let me BASK baby! Fuck Tom Brady!!!! Ok I am done because the Sad News to come out of this win is that an Evil Buc pushed our dear friend Jameis Winston and his knee twisted a way it really wasn’t supposed to pretty early on in the game. And now he’s out with a torn MCL and ACL or something like that. A lot of stuff is torn and it DOES look like odds of him returning this season are looking slim! Luckily the back up QB Trevor Siemian played well (I will be only thinking of him as Trevor Semen) for most of the game once he came in. Mark Ingram II also came up clutch in his debut back at the Saints after two years away. Welcome home!!!! The Saints are seriously missing Taysom Hill still, stalling in the red zone SEVERAL TIMES after the Defense came up with big turnovers. Our defense is doing great, no notes! Our offense needs Michael Thomas back (which won’t be happening this season!) but until we’ve figured out the QB sitch, it’s still up in the air. Now, the Saints are not a better team than the Bucs to be clear (they were missing key offensive targets Gronk & Antonio Brown) but they did kill them on Penalties. The real winners of this game were unnecessary roughness, holding, and pass interference.
Cowboys 20 Vikings 16
The Cowboys unstoppable offense was a little bit on the struggle bus this week because they chose to rest Dak (the commentators were like “they’re thinking long term” and I was like “if they’re really concerned about his long term health maybe he should stop playing football” but idk I digress). Kirk Cousins wasn’t having an incredible day (famously he is hit or miss) so the Vikings struggled to get things moving. I went to bed early but I think that mostly covers the highlights.
Well we had updated everything and then there was some late breaking news wednesday!!! Not even sure how to organize this, let’s go in order of mildly weird to tragically criminal :
Odell Beckham Senior (today I learned that there’s a SENIOR) published a video on Instagram (sideways, in true boomer fashion) showing several instances where Baker Mayfield shoulda passed to his son, Odell Beckham Junior, but didn’t and it turned out to be a missed opportunity every time!! OBJ says idk fam my dad’s not a phone! but this is causing drama in the Browns clubhouse. Will OBJ be dropped?
Henry Riggs III now formerly of the Raiders, got drunk in Vegas , drove, and hit a woman AND HER DOG, killing them onsite. He also sustained serious injuries as did his girlfriend who was in the car. Riggs’ BAC was twice the legal limit and he was going 156 mph. I have nothing funny to say about this because it’s absolutely horrible on so many levels.
That’s all the football we can handle for this week! Tune in Next week to see if half the teams with losing records can start to turn their seasons around as we reach the halfway point. That’s right unfortunately we are ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THIS TRASH. Haha just kidding we are having so much fun watching people’s bodies ruined by injury. and seeing others commit murder.
