Kicks & Giggles: NFL Week 1
Clearly, Commish Roger Goodell reads the blog and has heard me and Katrina complain about football being boring because the first week of the NFL season reeeeealllly delivered this year. Either that or I am blinded by the euphoric high of a Saints win! But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s recap:
The Games We Didn’t Watch (but probably should have!)(should is a strong word, I feel no obligation to football)
Browns 26 Panthers 24 : People were calling this game “Baker’s Revenge” (which sounds like the reversal of fortune your body would experience after eating Cincinnati Chili), but despite a second half comeback (including 17pts scored in the 4th quarter) the Browns took the day.(reminder Baker plays for the PANTHERS now keep up)
Bears 19 49ers 10: I’m going to write this one off since the 49ers have definitely never seen rain like the monsoons they warmed up in in Chicago this weekend, but still feeling mixed about SF’s prospects. On the one hand: this touchdown from Deebo. On the other: Trey Lance looked mid. On the third, Jimmy Garappolo. where does that factor in, we don’t know yet.
Steelers 23 Bengals 20: A game that taught us how important your first string snapper is! The Bengals had no business being in this game all the way to OT (Joe Cool threw 4 interceptions, but somehow they made a comeback), but their star kicker Evan McPherson (MY FANTASY KICKER) was unable to save the day in the end.
Eagles 38 Lions 35 : Yet another late game comeback- the Lions tried to beat their bad luck but came up just short. I guess neither defense wanted to show up?
Texans 20 Colts 20: HOW DO YOU PLAY FOR 4 HOURS AND STILL TIE, a question I am forced to ask at least once a year. Colts are cursed to never win their opening game I think, but other than that I’ve got no hot takes.
Dolphins 20 Pats 7: Embarrassing day for Bill Belichick, great day for Tua and new coach Mike McDaniels who flexed his offensive genius on us all. People are saying Tua looked good but is still holding back a bit. Mac Jones injured his back (more on injuries later) and is questionable for week 2.
Ravens 24 Jets 9: Jets gon Jet; this is sadly one of the only games I (Katrina) saw any part of due to regional tv BS, it was no good. Lamar Jackson (my fantasy QB) did throw some good touchdowns though!
Commanders 28 Jaguars 22: Yet another Comeback story, the Jags scored enough to stay in the game and honestly? That’s growth. I’m also medium invested in them because I follow Trevor Lawrence’s wife on insta; Southern football wives fascinate me.
Chargers 24 Raiders 19: Big hubbub about this game with Davante Adams supposedly coming in to transform Derek Carr’s offense (which he did kinda, but the Chargers also have a pretty good defense), but Justin Herbert did what Rookies of the Year do and just pitched a perfect game.
Vikings 23 Packers 7: Almost like doing ayahuasca all summer wasn’t a good preseason routine? Frustrations continued for Rodgers as his new receivers dropped pass after pass, but he warned us NOT TO PANIC (they did lose their first game last year too). Young Vikes superstar Justin Jefferson proved he’s as good as people say and the team proved just how much an offensive minded coach can make a difference.
The Games We Did Watch
Bills 31 Rams 10
Feels like a rigged first game considering these two are Super Bowl favorites, but the Bills were the only ones here living up to their hype. The biggest news for bills mafia coming out of this week I guess would be this win, but a close second is the amount of screen time joshy got in commercials- is he the new baker mayfield? You don’t care? Ok fine on to the football: Josh threw 2 interceptions, Stafford threw 3. Von Miller, who switched from the Rams to the Bills like 2 months ago, improved the Buffalo defense a good deal and, though LA still has superstar defender Aaron Donald, they definitely coulda used some Von. Stafford got sacked SEVEN TIMES, which is a pretty bad first day of school! That’s all I got for you because I did not stay up for the end of this game, actually I really only watched half, which is the amount of coverage you can expect from me for any 3 hour sporting event that starts at 8:30pm. I have a 10pm bedtime!!!!! Also this game was forever ago at this point, how am I supposed to remember what happened!
Saints 27 Falcons 26
WHO DAT NATION BABY. Did I write this team off at halftime? You betcha baby! Listen when I see Jameis Winston getting shown the playbook on the sideline, when Andy Dalton starts warming up in the third quarter, those are not exactly votes of confidence. At halftime, the Saints had 5 passing yards. At the first possession out of the half, Jameis got sacked, and we had NEGATIVE passing yards. It wasn’t looking good okay! I made a lot of friends at the Saints bar by talking shit (World Famous Shit Talker Elena Perito!), and Michael Thomas clearly heard me because after sleeping through the first half of the game (in which the Falcons were not sleeping, they were zooming down the field, which is rude imho), he came out and made so so many beautiful catches. So many! And touchdowns! And Will Lutz (Lutzy baby welcome HOME) reminded me that he is a really good kicker!!!!!! They did a two point conversion and it WORKED?!?!!?!? They did another and it DIDN’T which was not ideal but still okay and even though the officials were determined to make the last 10 seconds of this game go on for another 40 minutes and Atlanta got to try for a field goal that would have crushed my soul, they missed, we won, and the bar (which was packed), swelled with pride. Are we…winning the super bowl???? I mean, once Jameis actually reads the plays, we could be unstoppable???
Chiefs 44 Cardinals 21
Initially this was my 4pm game to watch (granted, I started late because I had to grocery shop because at some point on Sunday we have to run our errands folks I cannot camp out on the couch forever!!!!)- Kyler Murray is hot shot with something to prove, the Chiefs lost one of their best offensive weapons in Tyreek Hill (@cheetah, also on my fantasy), this seemed like it would be a tight one. Instead, Patrick Mahomes chose this occasion to remind us all what a kick ass quarterback he is, throwing for 5 touchdowns, and the Chiefs absolutely smothered any attempts by the Cardinals to make goals happen. There were definitely a couple of plays Kyler Murray needed to be more confident in- grounding the ball or throwing it away when an older, wiser QB might have been able to make something happen. It was a disappointing day for Arizona, and disappointing for me because I would rather listen to Tony Romo than anyone else, but because it was a runaway, I flipped over to….
Giants 21 Titans 20
A win no one saw coming?!?!??!? Saquon Barkely reminded us all just how good he is, making crazy runs and several touchdowns to bring the G Men back into it (Ben has him and thus had an excellent week 1 in fantasy). And then it was a CLOSE GAME! And the Titans were like ok we are GOING for it we are going to make a field goal but guess what they MISSED and the Giants won?!?!?!!? I realize this is not an in depth analysis but tbh looking back not that much ACTUALLY happened in this game (I think Daniel Jones got sacked a few times? That seems plausible), and yet it feels like it was very exciting because I was truly so shocked??? AS were the giants, who had a huge dance party in the locker room (bruh, act like you’ve been here before jeez) Anyways shoutout to the new giants coach Brian Daboll, you done good kid. An important thing that DID happen during this broadcast: at one point they cut to commercial and played “Ain’t it Fun” by Paramore. Shoutout to whomever in production who made that happen: It’s called having TASTE .
Bucs 19 Cowboys 3
An absolute Worst Case Scenario start for the Cowboys Franchise, not only losing the game but losing Dak Prescott to a hand injury for 6-8 weeks (more QBs should be ambidextrious I think it would solve a lot of issues) (also a finger injury is lame there’s no getting around it). Again, I didn’t watch this entire game (11pm? On a school night? Not me). But to recap the pregame coverage focused on 3 questions: 1) Tom Brady is old, like the oldest ever, so how is that going to go for him? He’s not getting younger, in fact, he keeps getting older? Tune in at 11 for more coverage. 2) Cowboys offense is only as good as their QB, especially considering how many receivers they let go, so how will Dak rise to the occasion? and 3) Cowboys defense was amazing last year because they forced a crazy high amount of turnovers and no one expects that to happen again so how good are they going to be? Consider these the themes of our coursework here, and if we turn to the tape, we find a lot to discuss. Tom Brady didn’t look like a man who may or may not be getting a divorce, he looked like regular old Tom Brady (his O Line however could have been a little better stopping the Sack). The Cowboys offensive looked stale- they couldn’t get anything done (even before Dak’s injury). Now, credit to the Bucs who have a solid defense, but it just wasn’t an inspiring showing and with the injury it is looking like their season is in turmoil. One bright side: their defense is still pretty good! Micah Parsons made a lot of great plays (including the aforementioned sacks), and they forced a turnover, but apparently the offense didn’t get the memo they were supposed to be trying to WIN THE GAME. Anyway I personally had to stop watching after the commentators candidly referred to Dallas as “The Big D”. Like do you guys HEAR YOURSELVES?!?!?!
Seahawks 17 Broncos 16
Everyone wrote Geno Smith off (myself included), but as he said after this win: He didn’t write back. Honestly a pretty slick way to respond to your haters, especially combined with a very clean sheet full of completed passes and a couple touchdowns. This is, to me, more of a reflection of Pete Carroll being as good of a coach as we remember him being, and a testament to what can happen when you & your QB are on the same page, but we probably still shouldn’t get too excited about the Seahawks. On the Broncos side of things, Russell Wilson didn’t have a bad night (well, besides getting booed), but his receivers have got to learn to HOLD ONTO THE BALL— they had not one but TWO fumbles at the goal line. Brutal. Denver would have been more in this game if not for 1) penalties. They reeeally screwed themselves there with a couple false starts and illegal formations, but that could be a case of first game/new coach jitters they can iron out and then 2) their play calling/time management in the 4th quarter. One of the (worst) but most important aspects of this game is your time management, aka Your Ability To Make The Last Two Minutes Go On For An Hour. New head coach Nathaniel Hackett apparently missed the memo on this though, and wasted time when he was on a 4th down, with 5yds to go and over a minute left: instead of letting Russ cook, he held out for a 64-yd field goal attempt (this would have been like the second longest ever) which, considering all the missed kicks we saw on sunday, was wayyyy to risky of a move. It didn’t pay off.
Looking Ahead
It wouldn’t be the NFL if we didn’t already have a heck ton of injuries! Besides the Dak Prescott Tragedy, the Ravens continued their tradition of bad injury luck (I wonder if this is some Edgar Allen Poe related macabre curse?), CB Kyle Fuller tore his ACL on Sunday. The price you pay for a week 1 win I guess! Also true for the Steelers: TJ Watt has a Pec issue that leaves him sidelined indefinitely, and Najee Harris & Cam Heyward also left limping (well Cam’s was more a back injury but you get the idea).
THIS WEEK, Thursday Night Football will be a hot one: Young QB vs Younger QB as the Chiefs face the Chargers. There will also be 2 Monday Night football games, because??? Idk ESPN greedy I guess. Me, I’ll be watching the Saints but I’d recommend Dolphins- Ravens (1pm) and Raiders - Cardinals (4pm) which look to be tight matchups. No bye weeks yet!
