NFL WEEK 4- Chiefs Undefeated In Taylor Swift Era
The Taylor Swift Era of Football continues, much to the chagrin of men everywhere. The Saints produced some miserable statistics. The Jags cross the pond, Toy Story takes football, and lots of teams can still surprise us.
The Games We Didn’t Watch
Jaguars 23 - Falcons 9: LONDON TOWN INNIT! Falconry may be popular across the pond, but it doesn’t seem like the falcons are!
Rams 29 - Colts 23: Puka Nacua put up a solid performance, Matthew Stafford got hurt, win some lose some.
Ravens 28 - Browns 3: Baltimore looks like a real competitor, despite their already very long list of injuries. And you know us, any day Deshaun Watson takes an L is a day we are happy.
Vikings 21 - Panthers 13: Game of the week that I do not care about. Sorry!
Titans 27- Bengals 3: Ok it is time to panic for Cincy. They are not looking good! 1-3 is not where you want to be!
Buccaneers 26 - Saints 9: The Saints have more turnovers this season (5) than they do touchdowns (4). No other comments.
Eagles 34 - Commanders 31 (OT): Philly is 4-0 but dear GOD have they made us all sweat for this. They played bad in this game and look significantly weaker this year, but managed to grind out the win with a FG in OT.
Chargers 24 - Raiders 17: LA is TURNING THIS SHIP AROUND! No thanks to idiot coach Staley tho, who will definitely be getting fired at some point this season. Calling it now!
Texans 30 - Steelers 6: Kenny Pickett picked up an injury in this brutal loss to Houston, and the Steelers really have us questioning why they haven’t fired offensive coordinator Matt Canada. He truly sucks.
49ers 35 - Cardinals 16: San Fran continues to rolllllll through opponents.
Cowboys 38 - Patriots 3: I hate to be this person, but this game says way more about the Pats than it does about the Cowboys. We KNOW Dallas is good (although they’re going to be missing Traevon Diggs, and that’s tough), but just how bad Mac Jones is, is honestly shocking.
Seahawks 24 - Giants 3: RIP to Daniel Jones, he’s not dead I just have fully lost faith in him. Hoping Saquon Barkley can return and help out, but when the gd jets are the better met life team, you know things are bad.
The Games We Did Watch
You might notice this section is a little sparse and that’s because half of our team went to FRANCE ALL WEEKEND (and yet still didn’t watch the london game? so weird), and the other one of us was WORKING and we are once again a team of TWO PEOPLE so freaking DEAL WITH IT.
Lions 32 - Packers 20
Saw a meme about how the Lions are the new packers, the Packers are the new Vikings, the Vikings are the new Bears, and the Bears are the new Lions. For those of us who haven’t watched four hundred years of football and don’t remember the Good Old Days, all you need to know about that is that the freakin lions are really good!!!!! I love this team they’re so fun to watch!!!! Should I dump the Saints? Probably! Just kidding real blog fans know the Bills have LONG been my backup/afc team and that is not because they’re good and it is because their fan base jumps on tables. Anyways the packers don’t look horrible, as we’ve BEEN known, so good on them for hanging in a bit in this game.
Bills 48 - Dolphins 21
Most hyped up game of the week, if you can’t tell by the score, did turn out a bit lopsided. The game was an incredible display of talent from both of these quarterbacks: Tua looked excellent, Josh Allen looked like his best self, and I am very proud of both of these boys. The first half was a tight one, going touchdown for touchdown, (for those who feel me here, it was really giving the bills-chiefs playoff game from a few years back- just thrill after thrill). Then the Bills defense stepped it up and found a way to do what the Broncos definitely couldn’t- stop the Miami offense. They shut shit DOWN and ran away with the game. HUGE win in a divisional rivalry, and the Bills look f*ckin good babe.
Chiefs 23 Jets 20
Ok highlight of the week for the girlies AND for the NFL social media team! Taylor Swift attended the game at Met Life Stadium with a suiteful of A List Besties- Sabrina Carpenter, Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively, Hugh Jackman (????) Sophie Turner, and, of course, Donna Kelce (extra shoutout to donna who was also at the Eagles game earlier in the day? MOTHER BEHAVIOR). A lot of jokes were made, they showed Cornelia Street in the city at one point, etc etc, the boys are annoyed for sure, and many of us were thinking, if she’s willing to watch the JETS for this man, it MUST BE LOVE. Which is maybe true, given reports that she “thinks he’s hot” and is “having a lot of fun”— honestly love it for her. The game was not the thrashing we were told to expect however- the Chiefs looked sloppy, with Patrick Mahomes throwing multiple picks and having maybe one of the worst games of his professional career (well, while he was healthy. When he was injured last year they had him jacked up on so many drugs any mistakes were probably because he was zonked). The Jets defense reminded us that they were supposed to be a good team this year, and took advantage of Pat’s errors. Aaron Rodgers was ALSO in the building, and then took to his favorite bullshit podcast to drag Travis Kelce, calling him “Mr. Pfizer”— ?????. Zach Wilson had the GAME OF HIS FUCKING LIFE, he actually stepped it up, and then took responsibility for the loss in the press conference after the game???? This is what happens when our favorite MILF lover finds out footballs favorite mom is in the building. A solid game overall for the Jets, but the Chiefs held on to keep the dub.
Looking Ahead
Amazon Prime returns to their cursed Thursday Night Football slate- lasty year was their first year having the timeslot and every game was a dud, and this week we’re treated to the thrills of *checks notes* Bears Commanders! Yay! There is only one match up this week between teams with winning records: The Cowboys face the 49ers in a primetime showdown that will (if your a cowboys fan) hopefully be a preview of the NFC championship later this season. The LONDON games continue, with the Bills headed over to see the Jags at Hotspur Stadium (fitting- the Jags feel so spursy), and Von Miller hinted he may be back on the pitch, which is a huge addition to the Bills defense.
