Procrastination: NFL Week 8
Happy almost halfway through the season everyone! I can’t believe we’ve made it this far already. They grow up so fast! Once again I (Elena) watched very little football this week, this time due more so to poor choices I made (not a poor choice I made: my couch, which just arrived and I regret NOTHING every decision I have ever made is the correct one thank you all for your support durignn this time I am a better person now because of my blue couch). Katrina told me she watched some football, claiming she saw the Seahawks game, but then couldn’t tell me who the Seahawks played, so take everything we say with a grain of salt. What we lack in football watching skills we make up for in research skills, so at the end of the day you don’t have to worry too much about you’re sodium intake here.
The Games We Didn’t Watch
Broncos 21 - Jaguars 17: When Russ said “Broncos country, let’s ride” turns out…he was talking about England! which holds up because all horses come from Europe you heard it here first! Anyway obviously we didn’t watch this what with 1) it being a broncos game and 2) it being during PRIME PREMIER LEAGUE HOURS and 3) a general distaste for the London expansion plan but I did watch ENDLESS MEMES roll in in response to the news that Russell Wilson spent then entire plane ride there working out. A collection of the best can be found here.
Falcons 37 Panthers 34: Not the Atlanta falcons…being in FIRST PLCE IN THE NFC SOUTH????? This being the only division in which every team has a losing record, is kind of this meme, but take what you can folks!
Cowboys 49- Bears 29:
Dolphins 31- Lions 27:
Vikings 34 - Cardinals 26: Not sure if anyone should be shocked that Kyler Murray lost the week the new Call of Duty was released, but this Cards team is becoming a bit of a flop (they’re 3-5 and last in their division).
Saints 24 - Raiders 0: In a SHUT OUT win AT HOME the saints looked glorious, better than they have all season, and now I am starting to question if they only play poorly when I’m watching. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me.
Patriots 22 - Jets 17: As a rule, we couldn’t expect the Giants and the Jets to keep winning. It wasn’t sustainable. Following up on last weeks QB drama, the Pats played Mac Jones to prove a point.
Eagles 35 - Steelers 13: I mean it’s the eagles, they weren’t about to lose to these pittsburgh fools. Pennsylvania rivalry is fun tho!
Titans 17 - Texans 10: It’s crazy that there’s one game per week that I give zero shits about and it’s crazier that game is almost alwys whoever the texans are losing to.
Washington 17 - Colts 16: I’m not totally sure what’s going on with either of these teams other than the fact Carson Wentz is involved in some kind of Florence/Olivia/Harry Styles esque way (Colts are Olivia Wilde), but they’ve still got awhile to figure it out I guess.
49ers 31 - Rams 14: The only thing I like about the NFL is the fact that the niners beat the shit out of the rams, no matter who is the better team. It’s honestly beautiful to me.
The Games We Did Watch
Ravens - Bucs
I am having a GOOD TIME WATCHING TOM BRADY LOSE. I am having a better time watching Lamar Jackson do well. At first, it looked like ol brady had dusted himself off and pulled up his bootstraps or whatever the expression is and had his life back together. His O line was doing better, maybe because he yelled at them, maybe because they’re more talented than the way they were playing, maybe both.
Seahawks - Giants
The intersection of Katrina saying she watched the Seahawks and was pretty sure they won but was unclear on who they played with Katrina saying she watched the Giants a little and was pretty sure they lost…it’s a circle, and in that circle is the Seahawks beating the giants.
Browns - Bengals
Idk what happened here it was some kind of time warp halloween situation- credit where credit is due, great move on the part of the BFL to have these ORANGE teams battling it our on the spookiest night of the season!!!! I feel like Joe Burrow losing to the browns is just like a halloween special of a disney channel original tv show where crazy spooky things happen and then at the end it was actually just a dream (or WAS it!!!!) because the bengals are objectively better than this.
Give Me a Deadline, I’ll Wait until the Last Minute
And half y’alls little nfl teams proved I am NOT alone! ICYMI, yesterday was the trade deadline and there were a record 10 (!!!) big trades that came in at the buzzer. Some of the biggest and spiciest:
Chase Claypool (Steelers) gets traded to the Bears for a draft pick, which was a twist because people kinda thought he would head to the packers (in a twist: no one headed to the packers), but the steelers thought the pick from the bears would be better, becasuse they’re a worse team. Although idk now they have chase claypopol so!
The Lions ditched pro-bowler T J Hockenson and gave him to division rivals the Vikings. If you’re keeping track that’s everyone in that division making some kind of move except the packers.
Calvin Ridley (falcons) gets traded to the Jaguars, despite the fact that he’s suspended this entire year, for placing a bet on an NFL team, more specifically for placing a bet on the Falcons, to beat the Jaguars. hm.
The Dolphins brought in Bradley Chubb (broncos) as yet antoher weapon for Tua.
Looking Ahead
Almost halfway done and this sport still so unserious smh.
