That’s Life!

That’s what all the people say! (this post brought to you by the Heineken ad)

Well folks, after a monthlong journey together, our time at Euro 2020 (1) has come to an end. Football didn’t make it home, but it did make it …ROME, as the Azzurri triumphed in Wembly stadium (the heart of football!) on Sunday night. While the final match was high stakes drama and heartbreak, we’ve opted to give you our thoughts about the whole tourney, the good, the bad, the very bad, and the oops it’s racist again ugly! Here we are, the exit survey of Euro 2020 (please note that sometimes we may have the same takes due to being the same person)

Sum Up Euro 2020 in one phrase

K: Euro 2020 in 2021, new year, same racism!

E: It’s not coming home!

Besides the final, which match was your favorite?

K: Italy- Spain. The unique combo of the tiki taka plus the Azzurri’s grit followed by an INSANE amount of misses in the shootout! You really sensed both teams were putting it all on the line, as a semifinal merits.

E: Croatia-Spain. Was it a tough day because France lost in a penalty shootout later on? Yes. But it was maybe the best day in footy in a VERY long time. To watch Luka Modric put that team on his back and come back in the final minutes of the game, only to fall apart in Extra Time… very incredibly sport stuff!!!! Also this featured my favorite goal of the tournament, where the Spanish goalie ABSOLUTELY BOOFED IT.

Your favorite Cinderella?

K: Ukraine! I really did NOT expect them to get as far as they did, and I’m proud of them! I’m also still a Ukraine uniform stan; we love when politics enter the chat

E: Ukraine was a solid contender, but I gotta give it up to my Danish boys who made it to the semifinals without their best player (who LITERALLY DIED AND CAME BACK TO LIFE) and they PLAYED ON!!!! I will never stop talking about this.

Team you think deserved to win the most?

K: I think I speak for both of us when I say, Denmark. To come back from tragedy with Christian Eriksen literally DYING (again, we are repeating ourselves, but we are SHOOK) and receiving CHEST COMPRESSIONS AND AN AED on the field in front of them, only to play a mere 2 hours later (wtf), and yet still go on all the way to the semi finals?? I would have loved to see Denmark win it all (mirroring their unexpected win in 92). Alas, ‘twas not to be, but the boys really showed heart and courage. Great job and best of luck to Eriksen as he continues his recovery, thank you for teaching us the Danish way to rock.

E: Up until the gross showings of racism, I might have said England, but honestly I cannot be more happy for the Azzurri!!!! Yes, they’re a traditionally strong side so it’s not like they’ve never ever won before, but they came in strong and built into the tournament. They definitely had a harder go of it with opponents (Spain nearly took victory from them) but in the end, the Euros were won be a Euro Trash team, and that’s all I could ever hope for.

Most egregiously terrible supporters?

K: this IS a tough one since Hungary’s ultras were known to be literal fascists, but I have to go with England. One, it takes some real gall to be out here painting yourself as the underdog as … one of the world’s super powers and home to the biggest most lucrative professional league. Two,“football’s coming home” , stop trying to make this catchphrase happen. It’s not happening. Three, and MOST offensively, England fans adopted “Sweet Caroline” as one of their songs during this tournament and LAST TIME I CHECKED that was an AMERICAN song sung at the AMERICAN sport of BASEBALL (specifically, my home team the Sox). England, you have numerous musicians to pick from here! Elton John! Amy Winehouse! One Direction! Dua Lipa! THE BEATLES! Leave Neil Diamond to us PLEASE and stop appropriating other people’s culture! oh and four, the racism stuff.

E: Well, just to be different from Katrina, I’ll go Hungary. During the group stage, in the group of death, commentators kept trying to paint Hungary as this cute little cinderella story, a slayer of giants, a david among goliaths, yet meanwhile their fans are LITERAL FASCISTS. Not cool fam! They marched into the stadium in like black shirts and that happened to be the most full stadium and it was big scary!!!! Anyways, we learned fascism never wins when they didn’t make it out the group stage, so that was one perk. Also, fuck english supporters.

Biggest boof by UEFA?

K: Damn so many to pick from. I think I’m going with the whole kerfluffle over lighting the Munich area up for pride…… not allowing it to happen but then letting companies plaster their Pride campaign ads everywhere during the games. Starting to think this whole equality thing on the jerseys might just be a publicity stunt!

E: I will say the whole “making Danish players choose between forfeiting to finland 3-0 or getting back on the pitch two hours after their captain died on the field” was a big mistake in this tourney. Listen, was there a good way to handle that situation? No. But was there a better way than being like “we let the players choose!!!!!” when it was basically a sophie’s choice? yes!!!!

Biggest heartbreak?

K: Is that a question?? France losing to SWITZERLAND of all places, and my main man’s missing the deciding penalty. He’s gonna be feeling that one for a long time. Truly heartbroken for Les Bleus.

E: ^ nothing to add, I cried in a bar that day.

Favorite player performance?

K: Either Chiellini, simply for being a straight-up Italian old man who looks like he’d be at home as an extra in the Godfather, or Insigne, because he is a short king. Every time i was like noo no way he’s gonna lose the ball- nope he zip! he zap! he score!

E: MANY great players in this tourney, a lot of whom really dazzled, but I think I’ll go with Raheem Sterling, who has spent his entire career getting racially abused and still came out and scored hella goals for England. Raheem, as miley once said, forget the haters cuz somebody loves ya (that somebody is me) (but also I think he should shave his head bc its not a great hairline my dude).

Team you’re looking forward to seeing in action at Qatar 2022?

K: Besides the Bleus obviously, I’m going to say Belgium. I feel like they still didn’t quite live up to their hype here and they could have more to show us next time.

E: I think Spain is still sort of figuring their shit out, and they were missing one of their best players (Sergio Ramos, new add to PSG!!!!), so I am interested to see how their run in this tournament makes or breaks them.

Most hilarious commentator statement?

K: Anytime the American ones said anything. Cold takes only. However, my top award will go to the British man commentating the final, who compared it to the awards ceremony for the Nobel Peace Prize (?? nobody knows what it means, but it’s provocative)

E: Again, an embarrassment of riches to choose from here, (for example when the commentators had to vamp while christian eriksen was dead on the field, not that THAT was funny but it was funny in an uncomfy way), but really the star of Dumb Takes was Taylor Twellman who could not go a game without calling someone a “false number nine”

Most overhyped team?

K: Portugal. Sry Ronaldo, even your staggeringly good looks aren’t enough to win a tournament.

E: I hate to say it but…France. They came into the tournament with EVERYONE from their world cup winning team AND Karim Benzema and they just did not dazzle.

Tourney’s Most Valuable Player?

K: Own goal. 11 own goals in this championship, more than the combined total of the last 15 Euros. Maybe Euro 2020 was OUR own goal in the football game of life, you know?

E: TINY FOOTBALL CAR!!!! Do I understand its purpose? No! Did I love it? Yes!!!!

Top fan moment?

K: The Pizza queen and her Mario at Wembly. Insert Italian hand gesture here; mamma mia it was perfetto!

E: The Swiss fan, who’s emotional rollercoaster in the France-Switzerland game was…a whole ass mood.

Thing you’ll miss the most about Euro 2020?

K: Having so much football content all the time. Oh, and that Heineken ad.

E: The commentators talking about DRAMA constantly, the memes, the friends we made along the way.

Now what?

Both: SEE YOU ALL IN TOKYO BEBE!!