Late Wins & Early Losses: NFL Week 3
This was a crazy week of football baby! Some of it was even INTERESTING! And we got INVESTED!
The Games We Didn’t Watch
Chargers 30 Chiefs 24: There’s trouble with a capital T right here in River City! What is happening with the Chiefs defense fam!
Cardinals 31 Jaguars 19: The Cardinals had to rally to pull this off, but they’re 3-0 baby!
Browns 26 Bears 6: THE BROWNS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL. OBJ is back! Justin Fields did his best but this team kinda sucks still sorry bearsy!
Bills 43 Washington 21: Bills still good, Washington still bad, nothing new here!
Titans 25 Colts 16: Apparently Pete Wentz’s Brother Carson has 2 sprained ankles.
Saints 25 Patriots 13: JAMEIS IS BACK LET’S GOOOOOOO
Falcons 17 Giants 14: I mean, SAquon Barkley looked good! Sadly he was the only one.
Bengals 24 Steelers 10: The Steelers made a BAD bet on Big Ben, he’s OLD, and this offense can’t cut it!
Ravens 19 Lions 17: Justin Tucker won the game with the LONGEST KICK IN NFL HISTORY. Take THAT everyone who says kickers don’t count!
Broncos 26 Jets 0: I ask again, is beating the Jets really a victory? Can the broncos play someone good plz?
Raiders 31 Dolphins 28: This went to OT (a plague so far this season) and I’m not sure if the champion-level-teams-find-a-way-to-win stereotype can be applied to this type of football, but if it can the Raiders are some hot shit.
Rams 34 Bucs 24: Matthew Stafford put ol TB12 in a world of trouble…not to sound like an influencer teaser their skin care drop but BIG THINGS AHEAD for this Rams team.
Vikings 30 Seahawks 17: Kirk Cousins is the concept, they’ll figure the rest out later.
The Games We Did
Panthers 24 Texans 9
Remember that Christian McCaffrey dude who I was bemoaning last week? Well looks like we don’t need to worry about him anymore, because he’ll be out for the rest of the season with a hamstring injury. Y’all it is literally week 3, I cannot EVEN with the BUTCHERING OF BODIES that we let this sport get away with! Panthers still scraped out a win without Christian, but Sam Darnold did return to form and get sacked a few times in the process. I still can’t get over how fake Sam’s name sounds??
Packers 30 49ers 28
This was a ROUGH one to watch because we are closeted 49ers fans in this house (and by that I mean we are eyetalians! and also one of us is marrying a born and raised Niners fan) Jimmy Giuseppe Mario Giovanni Garropolo had a rough start, throwing an interception, but tbh it wasn’t totally his fault because the receivers were straight up BUTTERFINGERS. They were headed into the half with no points until Kyle Shanahan put together a nice little string of plays and RISKED IT FOR THE BISCUIT sending Trey Lance in to run the ball at 4th and like 3yds with like 10 seconds left. Love the drama, very good scriptwriting here. Then they got the ball again after the half and moved their booties down the field and had momentum and had alllllllllmost turned the game around but what we FORGOT to account for was Aaron Rodgers and his (regrettable) mullet, A-A-ron got the ball back with too much time (like less than a minute) and snuck into field goal range to SNATCH victory from the 49ers clutches. But Katrina and I still had fun so!
Big same, Kyle
Cowboys 41 Eagles 21
Ok full disclosure we were double fisting this game and Bravo’s Below Deck, but in our defense, they lend themselves to pairing! Like a fine wine and its cheese counterpart, watching Malia get reamed out for not reporting David’s injury to Captain Sandy is literally EXACTLY like football! Anyway in this PARTICULAR football, the Eagles thought they would be the ones able to stop what is ostensibly one of the best offenses in the NFL. Spoiler alert- they were not successful (which is bad news for the only eagles fan I know, Sean who hosts trivia on Tuesdays)(also for our fellow CT friend Franklin! who occassionally reads this!) The Eagles did make a touchdown early, but after that their drives were 3 and out until the half, whereas the Cowboys made like 3 TDs (depending on who you ask, but only one of them counted). Tony Pollard & Zeke were game changers for America’s Team, both doing some ELITE playmaking. Also, it was Dak’s return home after injury, and the crowd (read: a frightning amount of possibly unvaccinated people) were LOVIN IT.
In fantasy news, despite a 0-2 start from me (Katrina), which I found straight up offensive because my lineup is pretty good (also I have Tom Brady and like, I did not sacrifice my principled hatred of him during the draft just to LOSE), I am coming back this week with a win over the fiancé! I assume this means he owes me presents (then again when does he not!). Here’s hoping I can keep the momentum going with George Kittle (Tight End University) this week!
