Match Report :No Grit, no pearl
Match reports are few and far between nowadays because … gestures broadly… in fact, when I bought these Flyers tickets I had no idea it would be smack dab in the middle of an Omicron wave but hey, that’s life as the Heineken ad says! Was I terrified of getting Covid? yes! Did I let that stop me from meeting my hero, Gritty?? NO!!!!
For those of you who don’t know (idk how, maybe you were living under a stadium like Gritty was??) Gritty is the indomidable, infamous Flyers’ mascot. What is Gritty you ask? I counter your question with another question- what isn’t Gritty? A terrifying orange blob?? yes! An expert skater? yes!! an intimidating presence on the sideline?? Yes! AN ICON OF THE FAR LEFT?? ALSO YES!!! (for more on his origin story, read this)
Gritty was all those things and more at the match, vs conference rivals the NY Rangers. Broad Street arena was filled to the brim (yikes!) with Flyers and Rangers fans alike, and mask compliance was, shall we say, minimal. However, undeterred, we made our way to our (upper bowl) seats, not without stopping to chuckle at the LARGE NUMBER OF FANS who got turned away because they forgot about the vax requirement (got em!). We were seated by some diehard Flyers fans, who provided excellent witty commentary throughout the game, particularly directed at the obnoxious (non-masked) NY Ranger frat bros in front of us. The Flyers may not be great this year, but that doesn’t mean I want gameplay blocked by aforementioned frat bros getting up to get a drink every 5 minutes and/ or flirting with the row of girls in front of them! But I digress.
Gritty started out strong with a display of aggression, stomping on the Rangers logo projected on to the ice. Rangers players answered this challenge immediately with their first goal on a power play (this is when one hockey player is in time out for doing a penalty) (Gritty drooped sadly). Flyers scored their first goal(Gritty ran around estatically), then their second (Gritty twerked wildly on the sideline) INTERMISSION (a real thing they call it in hockey) (Gritty danced to Take On Me). Second period, the Rangers came back with THEIR second (Gritty attacked a Rangers fan with silly string). Third period, desperation time. Flyers pull their goalie (Gritty is frantically flapping his arms, imitating his friend and fellow mascot in attendance, Swoop the NFL Eagle) and are on the attack! 10 seconds left!! the arena is on fire!!!!!
….and the frat boys get up, blocking our view of the final plays (sadly, unsuccessful for the Flyers), causing an altercation with our Flyer fan buddies (it involved the Rangers boys holding Ls on their forehead… like who do you think looks stupider here dude, the Flyers fan just living his life, or you with the SHAPE OF AN L ON your FOREhead….). A loss for the Flyers, but a wildly entertaining game! Also, the Flyers may have lost to the Rangers, but at least they play in the same league…. unlike the frat boys and the hot girls in front of them. (do you want some ice for that burn… cuz i got some… cuz it’s hockey, get it)
Much of my commentary was similar to Chance the Rapper’s in this iconic SNL skit, but overall, I find hockey pretty easy to understand and fast-paced, so I would definitely recommend going to a game, though I doubt any besides the Flyers can replicate the phenomenon that is Gritty.
