All The Cool Girls Are Moving to England
The WSL Wants to be our lover, so they’re getting with all our friends favorite players.
We could tell you about the Premier League’s opening weekend, which featured the Hot Takes Derby (aka Katrina’s Liverpool Reds faced off against Elena’s newly adopted Leeds) which was a 4-3 THRILLER that included a Mo Salah hat trick. But to be frank, we’re tired of talking about BOYS. So in an attempt to pass the Bechdel test, we wanted to clue you into what’s happening on the ladies end of english football, the Women’s Super League.
As true women’s soccer fans know, and by that we mean anyone who was watched Bend it Like Beckham as many times as we have, the U.S is the. place. to. be. if you want to be a professional female soccer player. Unlike on the men’s side of the game, where players enter the professional leagues in their teens to make a career, universities are key for the ladies (particularly UNC, which is a powerhouse). Even after uni, this is still mostly true, with international superstars like Sam Kerr and Christine Sinclair playing in the NWSL.
More recently, some players are choosing to flip the script. In the last women’s world cup, you might have heard about Lindsay Horan, American Hero, who chose to play in France with The Greatest Team In Europe Olympique Lyonnais instead of going to school. And it totally paid off.
So…back to the Super League. Here’s a crazy thing I learned researching this: The WSL has only been a fully professional league for THREE YEARS! Like England what have you been doing, Bend it Like Beckham came out in 2003! You have no excuses!
You might ask, but girls, WHERE can I watch the Women’s Super League? What you don’t know is that actually one of the best parts of getting overly attached to international sports that the rest of our country doesn’t care about (because all they watch is football), is that it’s not normally broadcast anywhere! But we would NEVER do you dirty like that. NBC will have a total of 50 games on their networks this season (although not all live) so we are celebrating the bare minimum!
Ok is the level of play in the WSL incredible? Uh…not yet. All the hot girls have been in the United States! But if there was ever a year to watch, this is it. We wanted to (re)introduce you to the cool girls taking over tea time.
Rose Lavelle (Man City)
If you watched the WWC in 2018, you know our gal Rose. She was the breakout star on an already stacked (read: unstoppable) U.S squad, scoring 3 goals in the tourney and winning the Bronze ball (#4 on this list was mad as heck). She’s a former UW Badger and widely regarded as one of the best midfielders in the game. As a pro, she’s basically queen of the NWSL, having put the Washington Spirit on the map.
Pernille Harder (Chelsea)
As you can immediately tell by the name Pernille, this gal is probably not american. I mean, we love her, but Pernille? Trick she’s DANISH. WE LOVE THE DANES. Harder is coming over from German team Wolfsburg, who lost to the unbeatable empire of Lyon in the Champion’s League last year. She was traded for a world record fee, which is a huge deal because in case you haven’t heard, women’s soccer players don’t get the clout they deserve.
Sam Mewis (Man City)
Formerly of the North Carolina Courage (remember how we said UNC is a soccer powerhouse? Let’s amend that to the whole state), Sam’s teaming up with Rose to try to improve on City’s second place finish of last season. You might remember her from the World Cup, or, you might remember her parents.
Lucy Bronze (Man City)
Okay technically Lucy isn’t moving countries because she’s an England national (and team captain), but she’s been plying her trade across the Channel with, guess who? LYON since 2017 (After graduating from, you guessed it, UNC). I mean honestly, how does Lyon pick a starting lineup when every player they have is incredible?!!? Football is coming HOME though for Lucy, who joined the other team (and her former team!) we’ve mentioned like 8x, Man City. I mean to say this squad is stacked is a massive understatement.
Tobin Heath (Man U)
I love Tobin because at any given time, she looks like she wants to punch someone in the face. If that’s not what you want in a girl, you’re on the wrong blog. Tobin played for the Portland Thorns in the NWSL, who were eliminated in the semis of the Challenge Cup (see here for more on that). She’s also been nominated for U.S. Player of the Year like 5x, so you know she’s hot shit.
Alex Greenwood
Alex radiates Hot Girl Energy. I am not positive but I think she draws power from her hair. She’s sort of an * on this list, because technically she’s REjoining the WSL this season after just one year away (in Lyon, where else?), but we had to include her because we want you to know how built this menace of Man City team is. She’s flipping from the Man U side of town (drama!), expect to see her name on the score sheets pretty often.
Alex Morgan (Tottenham Hotspurs)
If either Katrina and I are ever pregnant, you will catch us in full hibernate mode. I will be eating a bag of Doritos per day minimum. I will not be on the X Games shit that Alex Morgan was during like, month 8 of being pregnant. I mean her baby was born in May and I’m pretty sure that kid could already kick my ass. And meanwhile, just a casual three months after giving birth, Alex is like “I’m gunna go live in London xoxo luvs” and baby Charlie will have more stamps on her passport than most of y’all before her first birthday.
Valerie Gauvin (Everton)
I know you know we ain’t talking about lady soccer players without including at least one french gal on the list! Val is a french native and one of the most dynamic players on the national squad (which is saying a lot, because she’s in well skilled company). This signing is one of the most exciting of the summer for sure, because if there’s one thing Gauvin can deliver, it’s GOALS.
Christen Press (Man U)
Ok, not to start drama, but does anyone think it’s sus that the 2 midfielders that are defining the future of the USWNT joined Man City and 2 of the OGs superstars from the last ten years joined Man United?!?! Feels like there’s a little tea there! Or I’m just being petty! Anyway Christen: rocks the No. 23 because she’s a GOAT and she knows it, and she’s one more reason why we should all watch Manchester this season. I mean…that derby is going to be insane.
Rachel Corsie (Birmingham City)
If you read our WWC Brief this name is going to ring a bell. If you hate us, we get it, and we’ll remind you. Rachel is a SCOOT and helped lead her national side to their DEBUT in 2019. Did they get eliminated in the group stages? Yes. But don’t let that make you doubt Corsie’s skillz. She was (well, is, they’re just loaning her to Birmingham) an essential part of the Utah Royals back line, and even helped them out with a goal or two along the way.
Here’s our main takeaway here: Clearly the USWNT has a group chat that we (and megan rapinoe) are NOT IN and they all decided to COLLUDE and move to different teams in England. Like, we’re not offended, but next time we decide to move countries please let us know ladies! Katrina and I have to apply for our visas! Anyway unclear what this will mean for the English Government. Like is it just a coincidence that Boris Johnson had COVID and then all of this happened? If I were a Brit I would prepare for a coup. Actually- don’t prepare just hand over the reins to Rose Lavelle, I’d trust her to run a country.
