Can you shut the window? There’s a draft in here.
Anyone who knows me & katrina knows that we are very ANTI WIND. We’ve talked about this before, when the star of the NFL one week was Weather, but it’s draft season in more ways than one, so we just wanted to underline our position on the subject. We are ANTI DRAFTS. So while we WILL prepare you for draft szn, we also want to make it clear why they are incredibly fucked up. ( Except for the WNBA draft, that’s just good vibes. )
The NFL Draft: This time, IN PERSON!
us last year watching the draft
Last year Katrina and I watched the draft for the first time (needless to say we were two months into quarantine, without any sports, things got desperate), so now we are BASICALLY experts. This year it’s happening for real in person, in the thrilling town of CLEVELAND (still CLEVELAND!) so we won’t get to see Jerry Jones in a yacht, the Roger Goodell bro cave, or the exact same sectional couch in every draftees home. Also keep in mind that this was like, week 2 of using Zoom so the awkward technical moments ABOUNDED. In hindsight, this was very cute. We were just lil zoom bbs! We WILL get to watch the Comish give out LOTS of hugs, see some STELLAR outfits, and maybe some shenanigans!
Some people will argue this post is too little too late, as there has been news about the draft for months now. Well, we were WAITING to get ALL THE INFO, plus teams were trading all these other players during free agency (aka when the contracts are up and players are single & ready to mingle). Plus, people start writing about this shit as soon as regular football ends, and it’s just like DOES THE STUPID AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONTENT NEVER STOP FOR YOU IDIOTS. Also, CBS Sports said today “ Anything goes this time of year in the NFL, with the draft less than two weeks away and silly season in maximum overdrive.” SILLY SEASON sign me the F UP
A bonus of free agency was the trend that people trade draft picks a million times which is wildly confusing, for example, Miami HAD traded to get the no. 3 draft pick, but now they traded again so it’s going to SanFran, which, spoiler alert: you don’t really need to know, because they’re going to TELL you who is up next!!! You also will not probably watch more than the first round (and, if you do, honey we’ve got to work on your social life!), so that’s what we’re focusing on.
LOOK AT THIS MAN’S LUCIOUS LOCKS!! (step off ladies, he’s engaged)
Remember during the football time when all the bad teams were “Tanking for Trevor”? (and we pointed out that this is a real flaw in the sport here because everyone just stops caring?? and actual wants to be bad??) Well in a great competition of who will be the worst, the Jacksonville Jaguars won, so expect to see them take him at No. 1. Another top pick that, if you’re like us, you completely forgot about because he opted out of the 2020 season: WR Ja’Marr Chase, who teamed up with Joe Burrow to bring LSU to a 2019 title, and could be snagged by the Bengals to reunite that dynamic duo. There’s also Alabama stars Jalen Waddle, Najee Harris, and Devonta Smith, to whom everyone lovessss to give the ball . So those are the names you DEFINITELY need to know. (some of them you might know these names from our insightful blog posts!)
Hot Trend alert! Everyone needs a QB!!!!! (tbh everyone always needs a QB who else would they talk about) Experts are projecting up to 7 QBs being drafted in the first round (including Mac Jones of Alabama, great article explaining WHY here and Justin Fields of OSU, if you remember them). The Jets & the Jags (would listen to this alt-folk band!) aren’t the only ones looking for a hot young face for their franchise: the 49ers probably need to replace our paisan Guiseppe Garropolo (mamma magalione, a tragedy!!), I don’t know if the Lions even HAVE a starting QB, and the Patriots are still lost without Tom, to highlight a few.
Good Draft Bad Vibes
It is no secret to y’all that we are not huge football fans when it comes to the SPORT (review for the many new readers : long, boring, everyone does the same thing in the game, stop every 5 seconds, head injury, racism, et al) and even less so when it comes to the SYSTEM (we’re not a PART of your system) aka the systematic racism but nowhere is that more apparent than AT THE DRAFT. Like, is this the best night of these players lives? Is it everything they’ve ever worked for? Are dreams coming true? Will there be tearjerking stories about a kid with a mom who passed away (rip) The answer to all these questions is, of course, yes. The Comish knows how to spin a narrative baby! But at the SAME time, the draft parades these college aged men, who are mostly men of color, out for the nation to see, on a stage where recruiters/teams/coaches all watch and think about how much they’re worth, and they are reduced to their physical characteristics. I mean, yes, it’s a sport, so physicality is important, but the whole thing is very reminiscent of … i mean…..and it feels…. #problematic! Obviously these players have much more agency , we’re not trying to make a half assed comparison just because we are liberal snowflakes, we just wanted to point out the less comfy part of the spectacle.
So far I have NOT seen enough of the coverage to pick MY top draft pick, but that’s okay because my top pick is always the player who wears the most drip. This was particularly impressive juxtaposed with the home settings of last year; but def looking forward to some outrageous 3 piece suits!
