Crash and (Bay)BURN
DISCLAIMER: If our writing sounds different, it’s because we are half vaxxed, and we now are indoctrinated into the Bezos machine. Anyway we love Amazon and they treat their workers so well! Bill Gates is the sexiest man alive!!Let’s talk futbol!
In the Champions League…
PSG won by losing! Bayern beat the boys 1-0 at home on Tuesday, but they still advance because that meant they were tied 3-3 on aggregate, PSG advancing on away goals. Does it make sense? No! Do we care? No! We’re going to the SHIP baby!!!!! And by that, I mean we are doomed to face Man City in the semis, arguably the greatest team in the world currently (I am not happy about saying that, trust me). PSG barely scraped by against Bayern, because they’re not really built for a two-legged match style, which is why they did so well last year, and why, in many cases in the champion’s league, they come out STRONG in the first game and look tired in the second. they’re also playing like CRAP domestically, but we digress. Also out: Dortmund (RIP), Porto, and Liverpool. Real Madrid will face Chelsea in the other semifinal.
In the Premier League…
Ok last week I was like “Spurs fans, I don’t know what to tell ya” and let me tell ya now: Things are not great! After starting their match against Man United with a thundering incredible goal, they went on to lose 3-1. Mourinho seems… lost! Tottenham currently sits outside of Europa & Champion’s League places in 7th. Not great! Also, team sweetheart and hometown hero Harry Kane was like “if we’re not playing in europe next year I’m OUT” which seems dubious because 1) this is his hometown club, so it’s hard to imagine him playing anywhere else in england and 2) he would be an expensive price tag for a medium player and 3) we already had ONE Harry leave the UK, it’d be bad scriptwriting for it to happen twice. (come on simulation!! stop glitching!) Meanwhile Man United has been on a tear, winning their Europa league match (advancing to the semis, as did Arsenal), and sitting eight points ahead Leicester in second place. Not to brag but I got some flack for saying they were title contenders WAY BACK IN AUGUST an even though Man City continues to look unstoppable (despite losing to Leeds over the weekend, let’s GO boys), a second place finish would be a great season for United.
In France…
Ben Yedder. That is all.
Nah jk we wouldn’t do you like that. BUT SERIOUSLY BEN YEDDER. Wissam Ben Yedder, part time porn-stache model, full time Monaco goal-scorer, continued their offensive dominance this week with a stunning goal & a penalty vs. Dijon. PSG got a W vs. Strasbourg (away, because their at home-losing-streak continues although what does HOME even mean without fans!), and Lille’s season of dreams clinched another 3pts against Metz. People out here like "damn PSG really going to win the champion’s league and lose Ligue 1” and you know what? HYFR. I’m down for it, Lille has had a great season and DESERVES the title. (also, PSG is not going to win the champions league so)
In Germany…
I still can’t understand half of these team names. Bayern is bored, despite locking up another title, we’re not going to talk about them. We’re going to talk about FRANKFURT hot dog homies! Frankfurt has had a Lille-level season, playing incredibly against top teams. They can win the big games, score the big goals, and that has put them up top in a well deserved fourth place. I guess, in the end, this blog post isn’t about winners, but the other top place teams. And I for one think that’s beautiful! (Haters will say that I just didn’t really pay attention during the bundesliga pod and just heard them say Frankfurt a lot/that’s one of the only team names I can pronounce, but you cannot prove it!). Frankfurt spent years OUT of the top league in Germany, and now that they’re back they’ve built themselves up to one helluva team, and won a THRILLING game vs. third place Wolfsburg this past weekend. At the bottom of the table: It looks like next year the Bundesliga will continue on without 2 legendary squads, Schalke (which we’ve been known) and Cologne. What that means… well, we’ll have to find out!
In Spain…
I just found out El Clasico is spelled with only one s? Anyway Barcelona lost, spicing up this title race even more. IT was a spicy spicy game (or PICANTE as we say ay carumba!) with a red card AND a controversial penalty call. If the penalty call isn’t controversial, did it even happen? Real Madrid is now on a 4 game winning streak in the league, and only 1 pt away from first place. Atletico is still on top for NOW but they’re juuuust squeaking by.
In Italy…
I listened to a podcast this week about MLS getting comparable viewership as Serie A which has proven my thinking that absolutely no one watched the Italian league. On top of the table in our homeland is Inter Milan, still, by like 11pts. Christian Eriksen, aka Hans Christian Eriksen (see what I did there?) has really blossomed this season at Inter. While it took a minute to adapt to their style of place, Eriksen has now come into his own, and much like the original Blossom, he’s spunky and one of a kind.
In case you guys were wondering what happens behind the scenes here: I listen to 4 podcasts and write the post and then katrina adds her funny bits and sometimes makes a conclusion but this time she decided NOT to (creative burnout!) so, we’re just going to end it here! Maybe we’ll run off and join a Super League of bloggers! Who can say!
