Eurovision Song Contest!
The caption on this…sent me.
Before you start to object to us writing about a singing competition on what is ostensibly a blog about sports, a short Authors’ Note: Katrina & I are choir kids at heart. We are not incredibly coordinated, nor athletically inclined (at least on land), and while we may have grown to appreciate nearly all ball-related activities over the years and entreat you to follow in our footsteps there, we MUST acknowledge our roots. Eurovision is worth watching and we WILL convince you why below, but do NOT come for us!!!!!! Also, for the record, singing & dancing takes a good deal of core & coordination, ESPECIALLY the level of song and dance it takes to compete at Eurovision, which, again, we will explain below.
A Singing Competition….and then some.
What IS Eurovision you ask? Is it like American Idol, or the Voice? Ah, sweet child, it is like no other competition of singing that you have ever imagined. The better question would be.. what ISN'T Eurovision. For a window into the soul that is Eurovision, I HIGHLY recommend you cancel your Friday Night plans and watch Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga on Netflix, which Will Ferrell felt MOVED TO MAKE after falling in love with Eurovision. You might think this movie is a comedy, it is actually a documentary. But, an explainer: The participating countries (see below) each choose a performer (which can be up to a group of 6) who will create beautiful on stage magic (for up to three minutes). You say: ok so like any singing competition. NO. These performances are OVER THE TOP incredible, and MOST of the time (especially nowadays in the TUMULTUOUS world we live in) the songs are written about current events and tragedies etc. etc., but you can’t get too outright political, because no one wants to fight (hence why Belarus was disqualified, and why, in another instance, Georgia withdrew) Now, the country sometimes chooses a BIG NAME to send (for example a few years ago France sent Bilal Hassani, who already had a pretty good following) or they choose an INCREDIBLE talent, it’s up to them how they decide (unless, the Elves go too far). This often involves competitions within the country itself to select a winner.
So, countries come to compete in the 2 semi final rounds, each of which select 10 winners to move on to the GRAND FINAL. 5 Big Countries (basically the Super League of Eurovision) automatically qualify for the Grand Final, because, at the end of the day it’s still about money and there is no money if no one watches. Those countries are: France, the UK (you may say, but brexit??? don’t worry, we will get to that!!!) Germany, Italy, and Spain. The host country, in this case the Netherlands, also automatically qualifies and is singing about BLACK EMPOWERMENT we LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!). If this seems like a lot, don’t WORRY the semi finals already HAPPENED!!!!! You just have to tune in for the GRAND FINAL TOMORROW.
The Grand Final works thusly: Everyone performs, live, but with a soundtrack (no live instruments allowed, which yes is a weird rule but it’s to focus on the SINGING). Then there is the VOTING (which also happens in the semi final, but that’s over, and it works the same way). Each country votes using sets of: 1 to 8, 10 and 12 points. They have 2 sets of these points: One by a jury of music industry professionals, and one by viewers at home. AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION!!!!! You cannot vote for your own country (duh), but there are some strong traditional voting alliances/rivalries.
For instance, former Soviet nations make a bloc and almost always support Russia (boooooo), especially Ukraine. Andorra, Spain and Portugal often make an Iberian pennisula bloc; Greece and Cyprus basically always vote for each other, and despite historical tensions, Ireland and the UK tend to vote for each other (no I am not going to give you a talk about The Troubles but know I have written several college papers on this!!).Overall, it’s as if you couldn’t run for student council because you have just TOO MUCH ON YOUR PLATE with being Homecoming Queen but your BFF Courtney is running so you spent all of 4th period telling the freshman NOT to vote for Becky because she’s a talentless FOOL!
Also, credit to Slow Journalism.com for this great infographic!
The Players
Ok so other than the Big 5, who gets to come to this party? Well, as the name implies, it’s sort of a Europe thing (like all the best things are smh), but there are some bonus participants as well, for example Australia & Israel. Is it rude to me that they are invited and we are not? YES.Australia gets to come because for some reason, despite this airing at like…5 am their time, it has HUGE ratings Down Under. Eurovision people aren’t fools ok they need that money to finance all their cultural support! Israel I think gets to come because of historical ties with Europe/European diaspora…but they even won a few years back so they got to host, which, again, VERY UNFAIR TO ME. If this is about money, LET US IN ALREADY (see my meme from the hockey post). NBC is working with the European Broadcasting Commission to make like a Baby Eurovision for Americans where it would be like the same thing but with all 50 states. Like, no, don’t PATRONIZE us. This “american song contest” idea blows. We might be making some headway though- this year one country will feature an American artist on one verse of their entry (can you guess which one from the list below??)
This year, besides Israel and the 6 countries already mentioned, the Grand final includes competitors from: Cyprus, Albania, Belgium, Russia, Malta, Portugal, Serbia, Greece, Switzerland, ICELAND, Moldova, Finland, Bulgaria, Lithuania, Ukraine, Azerbaijan (again, generous to say this is European, but also all continents are made up), Norway, Sweden, and San Marino (YOU GUESSED IT THE TINY NATION OF SAN MARINO will be featuring NONE OTHER THAN FLO RIDA on their entry!!!). You can find a full breakdown of the songs, the artists behind them, and the message each country will be trying to share with the world in The Guardian’s full rundown.
You may know Eurovision as the roots of ABBA, ya know ABBA, who sang WATERLOO to WIN IT ALL. To say that this competition is a gift that keeps giving is a vast understatement. Seriously, it’s going to be like 90 on the East coast Saturday, so when you’re done with your outside time, which will probably be right around 3pm, TUNE IN TO EUROVISION!!! This is the one and only time we will say this : THANK YOU PEACOCK for airing this!!! I will warn novices, this spectacle is made for EUROPEANS ok they are used to long ass operas and shit, so it is a multi-hour ordeal. But promise you, this is 100% worth your time. This is the pinnacle of the human experience.
