Head in the Game, but our heart’s in the song
MARCH MADNESS is HERE folks and Elena is not trapped in a COVID hotel (happy covid-versary to elena and happy 2 year covid anniversary to us all!) and we are here to sing High School Musical NON STOP FOR TWO WEEKS until every big cat mascot is out of this tournament!! Ha ha we are just kidding we will just be singing and performing the dance from Getcha Head In the Game, not the whole musical, we didn’t have time to learn the rest of the choreo (there’s always next year). While we practice, you can read about every dang team in this big dance, all of whom you’re going to forget exist in two weeks time. Isn’t that beautiful?
WEST
Gonzaga (auto bid, West Coast) The Bulldogs aka The Zags- The Zags were cruelly robbed of a championship that most considered theirs last year. Despite the best efforts of Drew Timme and his legendary mustache, the Zags’ historic run was ended by Baylor. So, I know we say this every year, but this time it really could be Gonzaga’s year. In the last 6 tournaments, the Bulldogs have made 6 Sweet Sixteens, 2 trips to the Elite Eight and made it to the finals 2 times, but because they’ve never won and they come from a mid-major conference, people seem to think that they boof it every year. Luckily for them, they have Timme returning with a slightly tamer mustache, and they have SEVEN FOOT TALL breakout freshman Chet Holmgren (likely to be the number 1 draft pick) so they have more than a good shot of making it to the Final Four in the Big Easy. Of course, as fate would have it 2 of the only teams they lost to are in their bracket quadrant so they arguably have the hardest road to the Crescent City (I’m trying to use as many Nola nicknames as possible)
Georgia St. (autobid, Sun Belt conference) The Panthers- Just happy to be here I think! This 16 team is facing Gonzaga in the first round so it seems like they are here for a good time not a long time. Top Scorer: Corey Allen
Boise St. (autobid, Mountain West) The Broncos- Best known for having a blue football field lake birds land on and then can’t take off of (tag yourself I am the lake bird), and having an adorable dog who helps with the kickoff, turns out this Boise team can also play basketball! This year was their first Mountain West championship, and people are TALKING about them. They have the capacity to go at least past Memphis and might be a sleeper hit. Yes we will use the phrase sleeper hit multiple times.
Memphis The Tigers- Coach Penny Hardaway is a former Memphis alum who has been working hard to get this program some respect. Not the best luck in the world though: their top players have been out with injury, and occasionally they have just been out here looking like total fools. I mean, they lost in the American Athletic conference final by like… 20 points …but this could be an interesting 8-9 matchup. Player to know: Jalen Duran.
UCONN The Huskies - U C O N N ! Second year back in the Big East, the Huskies are faced with tough matchup in the New Mexico Aggies, but they have the experience of an older team with a lot of 5th years and grad students, and they play in the notoriously tough and physical Big East. Predictions have them going past New Mexico and Arkansas, but getting shot down by the Zags in the third round
New Mexico THE LOBO aka the Aggies- A team built on a strong defense, something that has won championships (people say!) but the consensus is that the Huskies should be able to get past them. Good mascot energy.
Arkansas- The Razorbacks- Once again here to tell you that 30-50 feral hogs are... unstoppable. The lil running pigs are a solid squad, and have had some big wins this season (see: win over top ranked Auburn) but they’ve also had quite a few losses to random unranked teams.
Vermont (auto bid, American East) The Catamounts- Now the thing about Vermont is they have been showing up to this tournament pretty frequently as of recent years, and that counts for something! You gotta have some big dance experience, both in your coaching staff and on your team, to understand the method to the madness. They’re a bit of a sleeper pick to upset in the first round, but fair warning: they’ve only played shitty teams this year.
Alabama The Crimson Tide- You get to a point in March Madness research where it becomes a guessing game, and the Tide are the true embodiment of that. Last year they were a no. 2 seed, this year they flunked out in the first round of the SEC tournament. They boast wins over Gonzaga, Baylor, Arkansas, and Tennessee, but also lost to a bunch of other Randos. If you see them trying to shoot a bunch of 3’s, assume they are going to lose, because they are 31% from the arc and yet apparently keep trying that as a strategy. MEN, am I right!
FIRST 4: Rutgers The Scarlet Knights- Something key to know about the selection process for the tourney is that the committee divides teams into quadrants based off their rankings. And beating say, a quad 1 team is worth a lot of weight in your favor if you’re a bubble team. For Rutgers, that was true 6 times over. They beat out Wisconsin, Purdue and Iowa this season, which shows you 1) the big 10 is brazy and 2) the scarlet knights might be magic. (reminder- first four means they have to do a play in game just to get to the tournament)
FIRST 4: NOTRE DAME The Fightin’ Irish- Don’t bet against the irish during St. Pat’s month baby! Actually to be honest, this team is not that good, and pretty much the only reason they are here (despite their struggle in a shitty ACC this season) is because they beat Kentucky and that counts for something. What? Remains to be seen.
Texas Tech The RED Raiders- They are known for their defense, and their physicality. However they may have gotten a big head from their conference play, and this tournament could put them in their place. If you’re looking for a trendy pick, this is is a good bet. PEOPLE ARE SAYING they could beat Gonzaga. I (Katrina) however WILL NOT be picking them since I hate them for stealing Georgetown’s point guard Mac McClung; fuq Mac McClung all my homies hate Mac McClung.
Montana St. The Bobcats-( MORE CATS!) In the tournament for the first time since 1996 (I was in utero!!!!), we just hope this team enjoys their (probably brief) ride.
Michigan State The Spartans - Yet another Big 10 team with talent that has struggled to put up numbers. One thing we commend them for: the commitment to the bit with the little greek decoration on their uniforms (get it, because SPARTANS?). Not much to say, they’re average. Then again, they always say, don’t bet against Coach Tom Izzo in March. They could make the sweet 16 as easily as they could be out in their first round and if it feels like we cop out and say that about every fifth team or so on this list, it’s because it’s true and we’re not going to make FOOLS OF OURSELVES trying to predict the future. This is a sports blog, not an episode of that’s so raven.
It’s the future I can see
Davidson The Wildcats- This is the best team produced by Davidson since the Steph Curry days, but I would be wary of a history-based overhype (though if they do go anywhere we’ll never hear the end of it). However it’s fun to watch their stars: Hyunjung Lee (korea’s sweetheat) & Luka Brajkovic
Duke The Blue Devils- Because where would the NCAA tourney be WITHOUT Duke! Last year Duke was FAMOUSLY absent from the big dance, because, like Kentucky, they typically build up a team of young star power, which doesn’t work that well when covid cancels half your games. Cut to THIS year, which is extra notable not just for their return to the tourney, but because it is the FINAL YEAR OF THE REIGN OF COACH K. That’s right the legendary polish dude who has been on the Duke sideline for more than 40 years (you read that right) is retiring, so this is his last chance to win. After an embarrassing loss (to rival UNC) in his last-ever home match, which was supposed to be a big Coach K Love Fest, this squad will have to step it up. The bracket looks like it could be kind to them, but their defense has been shaky as of late and you know what we say about defense vis-a-vis championships!
CSU Fullerton (auto bid, Big West) The Titans- Overcame top seeded Long beach state to get here. Lot of heartwarming stories on this team.
EAST
Baylor The Bears- Reigning champions Baylor are back, as a no.1 seed, here to defend their crown. If you missed it last year, Baylor shocked the world by beating the heavily favored Zags, by getting good at the right time. This year I would say the team has had more struggles on the court (whereas last year they could blame COVID for their lack of consistency), losing 4 of their starters from the championship team and bowing out in the quarterfinals of the big 12 tournament, but they’ve been playing with injuries all year so maybe that pause was what the doctor ordered. I don’t like them because their uniforms suck .
Norfolk St. The Spartans - I didn’t care about this team last year and I don’t care about them now, but apparently they’re good from 3.
UNC The Tar Heels - A few weeks ago, we wouldn’t have expected to see this team here. But they got good at the right time and have already peaked (beat Duke on Coach K’s senior night) so everything now is just gravy.
Marquette The Golden Eagles- Entering the season with VERY LOW EXPECTATIONS, this team is playing with house money. You might know their coach, Shaka Smart, from his ridiculous name (bestowed upon him by a Zulu monarch) and his semi successful stint over at Texas (and VCU), but what you may NOT know is that he likes documentaries about big cats. And with all these Wildcat teams, what is this if not a documentary about big cats in the making?
St. Marys The Gaels - Say hello to one of the Only Teams to beat Gonzaga this year, a team that frequently makes it to this tournament on that credit alone, but we love this lil ragtag group of nobodies. They look like a group of broskis playing pickup basketball at your local YMCA, and that’s inspiring! They love to set the tempo of the game, and play a fascinating defense, but not sure if that will be enough against some of the bigger names in this dance.
FIRST 4 Indiana The Hoosiers- This team plays tough, and it’s a little unfair that they are in the first four, but I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles. Yet another Big Ten team- might be worth pointing out here that last year there were like 9 Big Ten teams and everyone was hyped about it and they ALL boofed it, and the conference hasn’t won a title in YEARS, so they need to put up or shut up.
FIRST 4 Wyoming The Cowboys or the Cowpokes- Yeehaw. Wyoming is known for basing their offense off the Tennessee Titans (of NFL fame) run first, run second philosophy. How does that apply to basketball you ask? They use the post over and over, they just go balls to the walls until they tire you out. Does it make sense to me? No but it got them this far!
UCLA The Bruins- Who, you may remember, made it to the final 4 last year, which was supposedly a cinderella story, but it’s UCLA, which is one of the best sports schools ever so uh, sorry, they cannot be Cinderellas. They did give Arizona a run for their money during the pac-12 final, and have maintained a good rep all year despite injuries.
Akron (auto bid, mid-american) The Zips- There are both Zips and Zags in this tournament? We are living in the greatest age of human history my friends!!!!!! Name to know: Xavier Castaneda.
Texas The Longhorns - A team that was aggressively overhyped in preseason and has consistently failed to live up to that expectation, be it in their regular season or their early elimination from the Big 12 tourney. Keep an eye on Marcus Carr & Andrew Jones, star players.
Virginia Tech (Auto Bid, ACC) The Hokies- Every year I ask what a hokie is and I still don’t know. They won the ACC tournament (beating a v good Duke team in the final), but not sure how much that says because the ACC is shallow in talent this year. The Hokies tend to recruit very well, and they’re good at shooting 3s, making them a little bit of a contender to slide through the first two rounds in some potential upsets.
Purdue The Boilermakers- Despite having maybe the most terrifying looking mascot in this whole game (especially with the Wichita Shockers out this year), I do not trust this Purdue team AT ALL. They played me HARD last year and I will NOT forgive them for that. Also I literally watched them lose like, last week to Wisconsin. A lot of people are claiming this is their year, and granted they did make it to the final of the Big 10 Tournament (BUT THEY LOST just saying), and they do have a good amount of talent (see: Jadon Ivey, Trevion Williams, Zach Edey) but talent doesn’t really matter in March Madness (read: their defense sucks!).
Yale (auto bid, Ivy League) The Bulldogs- The Ivy league sat all of last year out (bc covid was happening) but they’re back and not as good as they were before that pause. Their competition in conference has fallen off a bit, which on one hand could work in their favor (having spent less time exhausting themselves grinding out wins, as the Big 10 teams do) but also I am not sure they’re ready to face such stiff competition here. Watch: Azar Swain.
Murray St (auto bid, Ohio Valley) The Racers (it’s a horse) - If you pay attention to the NBA, you may have heard the name of Murray state alum Ja Morant dominating headlines this season. They’ve come to the dance before and had a few upsets (as recently as 2019, with Ja Morant), AND they come in with a 30-2 record, the best winning % in the sport. They haven’t lost since December, and they can win in all kinds of ways. THIS is a cinderella story team. People have THINGS TO SAY about them.
San Fran The Dons- I can only assume their mascot is a tribute to the 50th anniversary of the Godfather film and we love the respect for our Italian heritage! They return after a decades long drought to the dance.
Kentucky The Wildcats WHAT TEAM????? It’s kentucky friends, back after a year away feeling better than ever! I think this team has what it takes to make a run in this tournament, and I am NOT just saying that because I listened to a podcast about West Virginia transfer Oscar Tshiebwe, who was born in the DR Congo and basically just came to America, on his own, started playing basketball, and now plays for one of the best programs in the country. I mean! My heart was warmed okay! This Kentucky team is actually made of a few key transfers (an interesting strat that apparently played out for them!): Kellan Grady, Sahvir Wheeler, and Jacob Toppin all also started their college careers elsewhere before linking up avengers style for this Wildcats team.
St. Peters (auto bid, MAAC) The Peacocks! Is this team in the tournament as part of an elaborate marketing scam by NBC to promote the cock? Perhaps! They’re here to win me over in the mascot bracket, and it is WORKING honey!
SOUTH
Arizona (auto bid Pac 12) The Wildcats- GET’CHA HEAD IN THE GAME Here is the thing about Arizona: if everything goes right for them, and they face off against Gonzaga in the final, they very much could win it all. That’s a lot of if’s for sure, but it’s a strong possibility considering the way this team plays. Oh, and guess where their coach made his bones? Over at good ol Gonzaga, so he’s definitely got their number. Their point guard Kerr Kriisa does have a twisted ankle, but they’ve got a pretty good backup for him in Dalen Terry.
FIRST 4 Wright St (Auto Bid, Horizon League) The Raiders- I mean I wouldn’t put money on this team, but glad they’re getting their shot.
FIRST 4 Bryant (Auto bid, Northeast) The Bulldogs- Making a tournament debut! (though to be fair they’ve only been D1 since 2008). Star Player: Peter Kiss.
Seton Hall The Pirates - A hit or miss team! They’ve been good but not great in the Big East this season, despite solid performances by Khadary Richmond & Jared Rhoden. Their coach also gives me anxiety, he seems stressed af.
TCU The Horned Frogs- While I don’t support any team with the name Christian in their school name, TCU does have a fun mascot (more like HORNY frogs because all these kids are waiting for marriage, am I RIGHT fellas) and they rock a great purple, so they’re hard to dislike. A lot to be proud of from this team this year.
Houston (Auto Bid, American)The Cougars - Houston, like a few other small school sneaky teams, has become a tournament regular thanks to success in the American conference.Which, granted, is only a medium conference. They are consistently well ranked and they consistently let me down, except for last year when they made it to the final four. Could they do it again? MAYBE?
UAB (auto bid, Conference USA) The Blazers- The Blazer is a dragon, giving a puff the magic dragon energy to this whole shebang. They’re a classic #happytobehere bid, but they’re also underground and indie enough that if they beat someone good I would not be shocked. Remember how Oral Roberts did that last year? Hahah HORRIBLE TIMES. Anyway check out their small boy (well, he’s 5’11, so relatively small), Jordan “Jelly” Walker who, with the absence of ol Fatts Russell (Maryland) is a strong contender for best nickname of the tournament.
Illinois The Fighting Illini- Not nearly as good as they were last year, when they let me down (losing in the second round to Sister Jean’s Loyola Chicago) Illinois is here as part of the very large contingent of Big 10 teams who will probably disappoint. Big Man Kofi Cockburn has returned, perhaps to atone for the transgressions of last year, and this team has all the pieces to be good, but tbd on whether they can put them together in time.
Chattanooga (Auto Bid, Southern Conference) The Mocs- Unclear whether that mascot is in reference to the shoe or the snake, but either way I think it’s questionable.
Colorado St. The Rams- Thought this was the other Colorado, aka the buffalo one, it’s not, there are too many teams, I am overwhelmed, etc etc. Star Player: small baller David Roddy.
Michigan- The Wolverines aka Big Blue - It feels a little like this team snuck in here and was hoping we wouldn’t notice them until it was too late, but when one of your colors is BRIGHT YELLOW, you’re hard to ignore. This has been a disappointing season for them, including a period in which their coach got suspended for throwing a punch, but all it takes is ONE SHINING MOMENT to make that go away.
Tennessee (auto bid SEC) The Vols - If you believe in Momentum, this is a team you’re going to want to root for. Tennessee has won 7 straight games and 12 of their last 13. Also, it doesn’t hurt that this is one of the most elite defensive sides in the men’s game right now- I definitely wouldn’t want to be up against them. They also wear an orange which looks suspiciously like Kraft Mac n Cheese.
Longwood (auto bid, Big South) The Lancers - Here for their First Ever tournament appearance! They beat typical conference and auto bid winners Winthrop to claim their debut spot, however not sure how much we can stan a team coached by a former oil/gas company CEO— probably evil. Also… cannot be easy to go to a university named LONG WOOD. i mean.
THEE Ohio State The Buckeyes - This team has been very inconsistent this year, meaning they could be a bracket buster in both senses of the team (could go on a run, could screw you by losing first round). They have an excellent coach, and some NBA level talent on their team, they just have to get it together.
Loyola Chicago (auto bid, Missouri Val)The Ramblers- You know them, you love them, it’s SISTER JEAN’s team baby. She is 102! Last year they went on a bit of a run, led by the big boy up front Cameron Krutwig, and you know what we like to say: Don’t bet against god! Especially during LENT! In a fun little contrast to their aging nun, Loyola has the youngest coach in the tournament- he’s a baby at 30, which makes me wonder, why isn’t Katrina coaching a NCAA tournament team? What is she DOING with her life??? (having a successful career and getting married soon?? jeez lay off!)
Villanova (Auto Bid, Big East) The Wildcats- GET’CHA HEAD IN THE GAME. Star player Collin Gillespie is BACK after being injured when they entered last year’s tournament (and yes he is technically a grad student, but thanks to the COVID bonus year he’s here) and once again have baby Archidiacono, (not sure of spelling and didn’t want to look it up)They also just won the Big East tourney (which Katrina and I were FRONT ROW FOR), and though they’re lacking in depth, they make up for it in veterans & consistency. They’ve been a final four level team all season, and have hit the right groove at the perfect time.
Delaware (Auto Bid, Colonial) The FIGHTIN Blue Hens- Because if they were just the blue hens, that wouldn’t be intimidating ( idk man you ever been chased by a hen??) Just happy to be here.
MIDWEST
Kansas (Auto Bid, big 12) The Jayhawks- “Rock Chalk, Jayhawk” as the kids say! This Kansas team has had a pretty easy road to their No.1 seed spot, winning the Big 12 tournament (and leading each game by an average of 15 points). They’ve got our man Ochai Agbaji back and he THRIVES in march, and his on-court bestie Christian Braun (do we think he’s related to Cousin Greg?), and they stole Remy Martin from Arizona to boot. I’ve bet on Kansas so many times and every time it has NOT worked out for me so…
FIRST 4 Texas Southern (auto bid, SWAC more like SWAG) The Tigers- Back again for the 2nd year in a row, let’s hope it goes better?
FIRST 4 Texas A&M Corpus Christi The Islanders : Listen are people saying this is the worst team in the bracket? Yes! Did I think they were the other, much more famous Texas A&M? Yes! But the Islanders are here, and just vibing, and we love that for them.
San Diego St. The Aztecs- A tournament staple in recent years, SDSU has built itself into a legitimate program likely to get at least one win, thanks to an experience squad of players that includes Cal transfer Matt Bradley, who just so happens to be the perfect balance of defensive threat and three point menace.
Creighton The Blue Jays- This is a tournament of big boys, and Creighton’s Ryan Kalkbrenner is one of the best (also one of the doofiest but you can’t do it all). Also a bonus: they have the best defense they’ve had in years. The Jays will have high expectations for themselves, especially after a run to the Big East Final.
Iowa (auto bid, Big 10) The Hawkeyes- DOMINANT Big 10 squad, Iowa’s coming off the Big 10 tourney as CHAMPIONS, and they are definitely champions of graphic design and branding in our book. Yes, they lost their superstar Luka Garza, but Keegan Murray has stepped into a leadership role on this team in a huge way.
Richmond (Auto bid, A10) The Spiders - Do we hold grudges here? Yes. Did U Richmond waitlist me (elena)? Yes. So we’re anti (also they are the spiders because once a newspaper man referred to a baseball player as spidery which, is dumb). They snuck into the bracket, mostly thanks to Jacob Gilyard, top in the league for steals (on and off the court) Also this is making me (katrina) think about this supposed spider plague that’s coming and now I’m anxious
Providence The Friars- I’m not sure how much I trust this team, based off the one game of theirs I watched (which happened to be the brutal beating at the hands of Creighton, an in-theory-aggressively-middling team), but they did win the Big East regular season title, and they have had a pretty good year over all. Maybe they were tired and will bounce back, or maybe this is the beginning of the end for them. Who is to say? This is March, there are no rules!
South Dakota State (Auto Bid, Summit) The Jack Rabbits aka the Bunnies- Winning 21 games in a row might seem pretty impressive, but I am not sure I could name another team in the Summit league, so take it with a grain of salt. Whatever, the bunnies are happy to be here!
LSU The Tigers- You know that is there is one thing we love here on the blog, and that’s drama. And what I will say about LSU is that they are giving us drama, after firing their coach this past Saturday! What does this mean for the Tigers? Girl I wish I knew but they are about to be one heck of a wildcard. We don’t know who they are anymore and what this will mean for the team at this point, but they will be hoping to ride the skills of transfer Tari Eason, their man-to-man strategy that forces turnovers, and other defensive efficiency stats past the first round.
Iowa St The Cyclones- SHE move her body like a cyclone, as the prophets once said. This team is overacheiving, playing a strong possession game, and they love to make you turn over the ball (probably due to cyclone winds).
Wisconsin The Badgers- We love this Badgers team (and as UW alum, sort of, i have no choice but to stan). Last year they went on a run thanks to some top performances from their senior class (I love when seniors do well…fills my heart with joy…also love when they put a bunch of seniors in at the end of a game when it’s not close…just love everyone to have a time to shine… yes I am tearing up right now!). Then the team was like, what if we just were good all the time, not just when we’re seniors? And here we are! Look out for Johnny Davis (an NBA level talent), Brad Davison, and Tyler Wahl. Roll Badge!!!
Colgate (auto bid Patriot League) The Raiders OR the Toothpaste - A team that makes 40% of their 3pters is nothing to sneeze at, and a win in November over Syracuse points in their favor. They’ll have to play the best games of their lives to chase down a win here, but it’s possible.
USC The Trojans - USC is still top sports school- something we will always be forced to recognize. We’re down a Mobley brother (he’s a Cavalier now), but Isaiah is still here and might be sneaky good.
Miami The Hurricanes I am watching this tournament with the hope that we get a Cyclones-Hurricanes match up because mascot-wise that would be *chef’s kiss*. Although for the record I don’t support using a natural disaster that frequently ruins lives as like your fun cute little guy in a suit who’s there to pep you up. Read the room!
Auburn The Tigers / WAR Eagle Ok actually a top ten mascot because of the story behind it- however you do not get 2 mascots they should definitely cut the tiger. Auburn was supposed to be really great and they enter the big dance as a 2 seed but This girl is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. Do not trust her. She is a fugly slut. They were top ranked at several points this season, but I have seen them lose to some teams that are NOT it honey! They can lose to anyone! Including Texas A&M, which they did in the SEC tournament! They do have beautiful guard play between Wendell Green Jr and KD Johnson, and Jabari Smith is excellent, but do not let this siren song lull you into complacency.
Jacksonville St. (Auto bid, Atlantic Sun) The Gamecocks Ok so they stole South Carolina’s mascot???? Located in Alabama, not florida OR Arkansas, and no they didn’t win their conference tournament to get here, they lost in that tournament to Jacksonville (yes florida this time) who then lost to Bellarmine (not katrina’s fiancé’s high school), who just became D1 so they’re not allowed in until 2025, so the cocks got in based off their regular season title. I’m dizzy!
WILDCAT COUNT: 4 (5 if you include the Catamounts, which you should, because they are a wild cat)
TIGER COUNT: 4
COCK COUNT: 2 (3 if you’re including blue hens)
