Just Touchdowns in London Town
Yes, that is John Legend in this video… today I learned!
That’s right mates it’s another week of British jokes as we honor the NFL taking good old England by storm. What a treat this must have been for the Brits, used to fine displays of futbol, to get to watch the best teams America has to offer in a sport they truly couldn’t have a chance of understanding. Actually, we’re just receiving reports that apparently it was not the best teams America had to offer it was, quite honestly, the worst!
We also watched a lot of the CBS games this week which means we were treated to NFL QB Alum Tony Romo’s hot takes. Here’s a teaser trailer- at one point someone didn’t catch a ball and Tony said “Woah. That was crazy. Everything that happens in this game has me like, what? It’s insane”. HIGH BROW COMMENTARY. @CBS Consider this blog post my audition for a spot on your panel, y’all know I can bring the hot take and UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE (cough, Allison Williams, cough) I am vaxxed!
Games We Didn’t Watch
Vikings 34 Panthers 28 (OT): Kirk Cousins had a good day against a not that threatening opponent.
Ravens 34 Chargers 6: Pundits had their heads way too far up Justin Hebert’s ass to realize that Lamar Jackson & the Ravens can play any type of football and win any kind of game.
Rams 38 Giants 11: Rams are back on the upswing just trying to live up to the verrry high expectations of them.
Colts 31 Texans 3: The Colts are turning things around for themselves! Jonathan Taylor to the rescue! (great for my fantasy too!)
Chiefs 31 Washington 13: An early Mahomes interception could have derailed this but instead he reminded us he is a GENERATIONAL talent and pulled it together. I learned what turf toe is and now I have only respect for him.
Packers 24 Bears 14: Aaron Rodgers continues to be doing Aaron Rodgers type things, but also he does need a haircut.
Bengals 34 Lions 11: Ok Cincy, have a DAY! These boys are having so much fun and my heart is full for Jeaux.
Cardinals 37 Browns 14: Baker (now injured btw) threw a CRAZY Hail Mary (against king of the Hail Murray himself), but Arizona dominated & is still undefeated. They also signed Zach Ertz, Julie’s husband, from the Eagles.
Raiders 34 Broncos 24: The Raiders proved that all press is good press, rose above the BCD drama and pulled out a W, The Broncos proved that their winning streak early on was, in fact, the result of playing shitty teams.
Games We Did Watch
Buccaneers 28 Eagles 22
Everyone was like omg what’s gunna happen this game is going to be WILD and you know what?!?!? It wasn’t! I feel like we can just check back in on the bucs around thanksgiving for an update, because right now they seem to be doing just fine. Tom Brady did throw an interception, but he also threw 2 touchdowns (a mild day), so it evens out IMHO. He has some kind of thumb injury apparently also. New to the team Richard Sherman made headlines by injuring himself (hamstring), which, is not ideal for him, but luckily they have Leonard Fournette who has been in PEAK form. The Eagles are in some bubbling water I would say, but I have no expectations for them, so who cares! (Katrina: should i say this when I go to philly this weekend??)
Jaguars 23 Dolphins 20
It doesn’t totally seem fair to say that the jaguars were on a 20 game losing streak before this game considering the bulk of those losses happened with a different coach and an entirely different team, but since when has the NFL ever cared about the significance of a statistic? This was our LONDON GAME INNIT at the SPURS stadium (COYS for the boys as we say), and while most of the people there were definitely wearing a jersey of any team but those two that were playing, it still turned out to be an exciting game! Fool us once, we’ll take the blame on this one, because we did not anticipate this being such a contest, but I guess when both teams are fighting for the title of Most Mediocre, it gets a little competitive! Tua was back in play despite his fractured ribs (turns out this sport is dangerous!), but don’t worry he essentially was wearing straight up armor underneath his little outfit. Much ado was made about this. This game came down to a kick (as apparently all of them do nowadays) so thank GOD the Jaguars signed Matthew Wright LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE! There also was like a two minute window where there was a fumble, an interception, and a turnover on downs, because?!!?! Idk it was a shit show. The Dolphins shot themselves in the foot several times, and in the end Urban Meyer & Trevor Lawrence took home their first NFL win.
Cowboys 35 Patriots 29
A Game Tony Romo called the CRAZIEST GAME OF FOOTBALL HE HAS EVER SEEN, which, I am going to venture, seems like a stretch! (having not watched a TON of football ourselves, we do still feel qualified to make this argument).This did end up being a little bit of a spicy match up, but it’s hard to say if that was because of the actual playing and not because Katrina and I were delusional after watching 6 hours of football (por que no los dos!). Bill Belichick did his classic switcharound on the defense, which was a bamboozle for the Cowboys once-unstoppable offense for a lot of the game. It did get very interesting in….you guessed it, the last ten minutes of the game! (CALLED IT) There were 3 lead changes in the last quarter (apparently that’s a lot)! After the Cowboys boofed a drive, the Patriots had the ball with 2:52 left on the clock, which felt like it could be a run the clock situation. UNTIL Mac Jones got PICK SIXED (chug your drink!!!!) and then they went for a 2-pt conversion and MISSED IT!!!!! Then the Patriots got the ball right back (the downside of a pick 6) and scored and MADE their 2-pt conversion, leaving a lil bit of time for Dallas to get the ball back and tie things up with a field goal. Is anyone else out of breath just reading this? Heads up guys: you can actually score in any quarter of the game, not just the 4th! So we went to OT(as you guys know, never much love when we go OT), where Dallas scored a touchdown (via CeeDee Lamb, a man I support despite his silly name!), and we all breathed a sigh of relief. It’s over. we live to fight another day!
Steelers 23 Seahawks 20
Ok, per usual, we’re putting this baby in the “watched” category because we are LIARS. What happened was we had all intentions of paying attention to this but 1) see the aforementioned state of delusion and 2) the first half was REALLY BORING. Like the game started, and people had the ball, but nothing…happened??? This is why I listen to podcasts on 2x speed folks, I am going to need every entertainment medium to trim the fact and cut to the exciting parts. So, the exciting parts of this game (which we slept through): Pittsburgh is just trying to get wins and they did mostly thanks to the heroics of TJ Watt. (JJ’s brother. Yes, their names are stupid). Russell Wilson had a VERY INTENSE hand (finger) injury and thus was replaced by Geno Watt, who hadn’t started a game in like 4 years, so let’s give him a little break ok! Yes, he got sacked like 5 times! Yes, there was a fumble in OT! Accidents happen! Maybe one person can’t be blamed for everything wrong or maybe, just maybe, the Seahawks need to change some things!
