Roit Wots Oll Dis Den? (NFL Wk5)
I turn on the TV this Sunday morning expecting to watch some football (soccer) and what do I see? Football (american) at 9:30 EST????Is nothing sacred??? Turns out the NFL is expanding its global empire and invading the UK? For some reason? I know what you’re thinking, no one asked for this, least of all British people, who already have to deal with two boring pointless sports (cricket and rugby). I can only imagine the confusion of a Tottenham fan mistakenly rolling up to this JETS GAME and being like WOTS DOING?? a bit of a faff innit!!! let’s review, British cultural things coming to America : Beatles, Rolling Stones, most actors, Adele, Great British Bake Off. American things going to Britain : right-wing idiot politicians gaining power, and football. Hm.
Anyways, I (Katrina) surprisingly watched a TON of games this week (mostly because Elena was away and I have no other friends!) As always watched is a generous term, I also organized my clothes for fall/winter, made chestnut babka and read my book about Thomas Cromwell! It was a big week on and off the field, and we’re breaking it all down don’t you fret for a single second.
Games We Didn’t Watch
Patriots 25 Texans 22: I care so little about both these teams, but I guess we should probably worry about the Texans.
Vikings 19 Lions 17: Lions stay not winning! I guess that’s an interesting strat!
Eagles 21 Panthers 18: PANTHERS REIGN OF TERROR IS OVER (or, they’re feeling the loss of McCaffrey.)
Saints 33 Washington 22: Rollercoaster Szn continues! The Saints may only be able to win when I don’t watch.
Titans 37 Jaguars 19: Jacksonville is in freefall thanks to a looot of errors by Urban Meyer, and people are wondering if it’s going to fuck with Trevor Lawrence’s FUTURE IN THE LEAGUE. Titans are back tho!
Buccaneers 35 Dolphins 17: Dolphins are on a steep decline, Tom Brady continues to be be Tom Brady.
Steelers 27 Broncos 19: Steelers get a NEEDED win & end the reign of a not-actually-that-good broncos team.
Cardinals 17 49ers 10: The Niners were the first team to successfully thwart the Arizona offense and hold them to a low score, but Cardinals remain the only undefeated team.
Ravens 31 Colts 25: Another OT Game that didn’t need to be OT, the Colts are finally starting to find their groove with the brother of Pete Wentz, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the wheels of the Ravens.
Games I (WE) Did Watch
Ram 26, Seahawks 17
This was the Thursday game, so OBVIOUSLY I did not stay up to see the end. HOWEVER! I did watch 3 whole quarters of this, partially because my fantasy boys were ON FIRE. Ya girl actually checked the news, saw Rams’ Darrel Henderson was off the injury list, put him back in and HOMIE DELIVERED!!! Not to mention Seahawks DK Metcalf, who had like ALL THE POINTS for Seattle. The commentators really had a field day with this one because BOTH QBs kept throwing interceptions and besides that, there were all these “random parallels” meaning the teams were I guess just playing the same way? Yet it seems to have worked out better for the Rams this time. Unrelated, but the Seahawks have an actual hawk, and she got loose and landed on some dude’s head. Also, their unifroms are OFFENSIVELY bright.
Jets 20, Falcons 27
Aforementioned BRITISH game, honestly was mostly just befuddled as to why this was even happening. Also like, if you’re going to subject foreigners to American football, maybe pick…. not the Jets? And the Falcons??? Anyways not much happened except constant shots of London town and people spelling things like “colour” and “centre” instead of the normal way. Spicy!
Our faces when we turned on the TV at 9AM to see football on the Screen
Packers 25, Bengals 22
I was only able to watch the first half of this because the tv was on the fritz/I was trying to wrangle my dough, so you know what that means, it obviously went to overtime and got intense as soon as I walked away. Seriously, the interesting things only happen once I stop watching, because it’s a four hour game that’s played in the last 2 minutes. (Don’t @ me, you all know I am right!!) Apparently, the end of the involved FIVE MISSED FIELD GOALS (3 for Packers, 2 of Bengals, one of which was first called good) before the Packer’s veteran kicker won it in OT. I can’t. I’m glad I missed this because I would have been apoplectic. This was apparently a first in the history of the NFL!
Cowboys 44 Giants 20
This game wasn’t that bad the first half, but then it seemed like ALL of the Giants were getting injured one by one. QB out, star Saquon Barkley out with a concussion (literally right after he got back smh), then WR Kenny Golladay and cornerback Rodarius Williams (great name) and then it was downhill from there. The Squid Game of football! (I assume, I haven’t watched the show because I hate it).
Bills 41 Chiefs 38
Again, this was the 8:30 game so you know I be in bed before the end . From what I saw, both defenses were doing a good job at making the passing game difficult, so both QBs (battle of the yung lads, Josh Allen and Mahomes) were doing some speedy runs. Josh Allen was throwing what the commentators referred to as “ROCKETS”; one time he threw 60 yards!!! that’s a lot!! I, ELENA did partially watch this game (although it was surprisingly difficult to find NBC on ol’ Boston Cable which seems like a slight to the Bills Mafia) and it was, from what I saw, a pretty good one. The Chiefs were the first big test of the Bills defense and though they conceded way more points than they have in other games this season, they still looked pretty strong. The Chiefs just have a bulldozer offense and they WILL find a way to score points. The Bills ALSO have a bulldozer offense though, and the Chiefs defense…it’s not giving to be completely honest. It’s looking a little pale, and if they’re trying to be the comeback kids this year…. they’ll have to make some big changes.
LATE BREAKING NEWS: THE NFL IS RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC?!
Or, at least, in this case, Raiders Coach John Gruden is. As y’all know I am already not a huge fan of this man’s energy but, in case you’ve been under a rock since Monday LISTEN UP. The NFL is investigating the Washington football Team’s “toxic environment” (cute! fun!), and, in doing so dug up some dirt on Gruden who used to work there. Then, the Post & the NYT published some bombshell articles about… EMAILS. What is this, the 2016 election? Worse, because these ones ACTUALLY were bad! In the emails Gruden throws out a TON of slurs, including some racist ones @ the head of the NFL Player’s Association, an F-slur at the commish, and, for good measure, some nasty words for the ladies. He’s a triple threat as we say!!!! The scandal came in waves, so after the first revelation, john had a press conference and was like “babe I don’t have a racist bone in my body!!!!” and then the second wave of emails came out and it was starting to look like he had at least a rib cage full of racism!!!! So he DID get fired, which obviouslyis the bare minimum, but the NFL is treating this as an isolated incident and refusing to release more of the findings of this ongoing investi. Also absolutely audacious of this man who has the ONLY OPENLY GAY PLAYER IN THE LEAGUE ON HIS TEAM to throw out slurs, poor carl!!!! What now, you ask? Well I guess the Raiders have fucked themselves over because they were distinctively ALL IN on the Gruden method, offering him a 10 year contract in 2018, letting him take questionable QB Derek Carr in his stride, and kinda trusting the process these past few years as they were still working out kinks. They’ve now put Rich Bisaccia in charge. TBD on how this will affect the team!!!!
That’s all for this week, but we will STILL have games in London next week and Elena MIGHT go to a Saints bar on Monday night so make sure you tune back in for week….5? 6? Idk, we’ve got so long to go and I’ve already lost count.
