Katrina Is A Bronze Medalist: NFL Week 16
Me watching my hopes of a first place fantasy finish sail away (photo credit NYT)
FOLKS WE HAVE A WINNER. After many tireless hours at practice, countless strategy meetings, and one crazy season, Katrina has emerged VICTORIOUS in her Fantasy League. And by that we mean she placed third. And she emerges from her rookie season with a grand prize of THREE DOLLARS (after you count the money i put in lol)!!!!!! Millionaires! Obviously we will be using this money as a savings account to launch merch so let us know your ideas in comments!!!!
This week, as we warned you previously, the NFL tried to TAKE OVER OUR ENTIRE weekend, starting with a record breaking Saints win on Friday and continuing to a Bill Belicheck emBarrassment last night. We watched as much football as we could, but were a LITTLE busy with Santa ok!
Saints Vikings
Sadly my family FORCED me to “turn off the game during christmas dinner” which really made me feel like a grumbly old dad who doesn’t connect emotionally with his children but feels all things through sports (Katrina : sry but where is the lie). This game made me feel all the things. For those who do not know all of New Orleans Saints History, they have a sort of fake rivalry with the Vikings in that they have lost to them on some KEY NOTORIOUS OCCASSIONS including the Minneapolis Miracle and….last year’s playoffs. But luckily, thanks to his furry little festive cleats, Alvin Kamara zoomed his way to like…6 TDs (the first to do so in 1 game since….a long time) and the Saints showed the Vikings who was boss.
Colts Steelers
Remember last week how we went on a tirade about how defense doesn’t win championships? Well throw that out of your head for a minute,. This game was a battle of two of the most defensively driven teams in the league, and a must win for the Steelers. I mean yes they’re going to the playoffs anyway (Katrina : apparently?? don’t ask why!!), but they’re fighting for a home field advantage or something idk who knows (Katrina :are you waiting for us to explain the playoffs? yeah me too, sry it’s not going to happen because I DON’T GET IT) . The Colts have NOT clinched their playoff spot yet, and so they came in HOT with a couple good stops and a heavy first half lead. Which didn’t last because… life is unfair? Because Chase Claypool? Who knows! They lost meaning they’re now “in the hunt” for a playoff spot (you can use this phrase to make people think you understand/care what’s happening in Week 17).
Eagles 17, Cowboys, 37
Katrina : The Cowboys “stayed in the race” for playoff spot (another phrase you can throw around) by beating the Eagles which is honestly pretty remarkable considering how pessimistic everyone was once Dak was GRUESOMELY INJURED way back in October or whenever (time is meaningless). Eagles QB Jalen Hurts (whose name always reminds me of this SLAM POETRY jam) once again started instead of Pete Wentz’s brother (is this a DRAMA maybe) but couldn’t manage to get things going for the Birds. WHICH MEANS that somehow, despite the fact that they will finish the season with a losing record (6-9 right now), the Cowboys might be able to finish in first in their division as the Washington Football Team (TWFT) lost to the Carolina Panthers. That means that IF the Cowboys win vs the Giants this upcoming week and TWFT loses to the Eagles, they will win their division (otherwise maybe the Giants make the playoffs instead?. I truly cannot explain this to you so please don’t ask.)This entire system seems designed to be as baffling as possible. Also, I think this division might be trash.
We didn’t watch other games because it’s CHRISTMAS and believe it or not, Football is not my priority! (nor is it that relaxing tbh).
WE ARE NOW APPROACHING THE FINAL WEEK OF THE REGULAR SEASON THANK YOU GOD but sadly this means that there are playoffs which involves some teams getting byes (free pass for a week) and other teams playing to PLAY IN to playoffs so we are FAR from the end of the NFL (sadly). But there’s light at the end of the tunnel!! Who is going to make the playoffs? I direct you to this NYT stats graphic that makes my eyes cross but seems like they put a lot of work into it so I wanted to give them a shoutout!!
More importantly, coming up this week we will have the College Football Playoffs which are, while not necessarily more interesting, at least much shorter. Short article updating you on all that drama coming soon!
Hope all of you had a SAFE AND SOCIALLY DISTANCED Christmas !
