What FBS really stands for
So much sports- so little time! in an effort to get the most information to our loyal readers, we decided to LIVE TWEET the bowl semifinals! that’s right F*CK IT WE’RE DOING IT LIVE!!!!
To preface this, we are not rooting FOR anyone. We are actively rooting AGAINST Bama because, gross, but all four of these teams are failures of COVID prevention and their absolute disregard for athletes’ health is completely reprehensible and this whole thing is TRASH.
The Fake Rose Ball: Bama vs Notre Dame
E: aka the Bachelor?? Who will get the final rose???? Is this sponsored by Neil Lane diamonds?
K: ok first impressions, there are way too many people in this stadium [game was moved to Texas because Notre Dame bitched about not being able to have fans in CA because, COVID, ICUs at capacity blah blah so instead they moved it to Arlington TX! Where the ICU is 98% capacity too!] like 16k is too too many. And none of them are wearing masks!!!!
E: One of these guys has a great butt. Idk who it is, someone on Bama for sure because NO ONE looks good in this yellow color
E and K : LOOK AT THAT JUMP [Najee Harris just hurdled a man]
E: Najee Harris! NYT told us to look out for him! Also he’s a fan of Megan Rapinoe! He said she inspires him :) Alabama offense living up to the hype right now. ND is going to need to score on most drives if they want to stay in it.
K: Out of 3 commentators, 2 are named Todd. The Todd ratio is too damn high.
E: At the half (21-7) I can say I’m worried for Notre Dame but I’m more worried about all the fans who definitely have COVID now. Also, the Taco Bell commercial is very good.
E and K : THROW THE BALL ND THROW THE - OH GOD AN INTERCEPTION YOU HATE TO SEE THIS [buries head in hands]
E: Unclear where he thought the ball was going? That was… bad.
[short break for dog walk]
E: oh. we left and…. Alabama won. Great.
The Sugar Bowl : Clemson vs THE Ohio State University
E: Ok so pregame takes, this ESPN graphic looks like… a video game
K: it’s like I’m about to pick my character on Mario Kart- wait, they’re actually driving them around a track now. Who makes this shit.
E: To sum up this pregame interview with THE Ohio State University coach, “We’ve gotta score more points, stop the other team from scoring points, and if that’s not working at the half, try to regroup and win the game”. Hot takes only!
K: Quick question, is this player’s name really pronounced EE TEE NN or is it Étienne and the commentators are just screwing it up, asking for my fellow francophones
E: I’m rooting for Ohio State because I don’t think it should be an all SEC final. It’s bad for the sport
K: the SPORT is bad for the sport tbh. Wait.. isn’t Clemson in the ACC?
E: yeah yeah whatever SEC…ACC who cares
K: I hate to harp on these superficial aspects but.. whose idea was it to make this game’s graphics crystal themed??
E: this game is a lot better. Ohio state QB just threw like.. a 57 yd pass!!
Mom : Does anyone else think that whenever they show the logo… it looks kinda like..
K: yep it’s definitely yonic
E; ILLEGAL HIT ON FIELDS YOU CAN’T DO THAT!! TARGETING! THROW HIM OUT
K: Penalty! Skalskis out! the targeter becomes the targetee!! It’s not a coincidence that he did that last year and this year as well; he’s clearly purposefully violent. Get out bruh.
K: the hits in this game are excruciating! Justin Fields looks like he’s in agony.
E: Coach Dabo being “well, after a tough first half, we’re gonna have to score more points if we want to make it back to the championship” again real groundbreaking stuff from the coaching staff here
ok Katrina went to bed after the first half but I was afraid of a comeback so I stayed up and basically people got a lot of cramps, Trevor did a lot of turnovers, and Dabo got ROASTED ON TWITTER for all his shit talking about Ohio State only playing six games. Also everyone kept saying how The Ohio State had a CHIP on their shoulder. Chip!!!!! Justin Fields kept finding these tiny tiny lil spots to squeak in a touchdown even though he was clearly in A LOT OF PAIN. Seems worth it! Sacrifice your health for our entertainment! They’re going to the ship!!!!!
