Playoff Pain
I take no joy in being right (well, in this case specifically. Normally I take GREAT joy in being right, and will rub it in your face like the immature idiot I am). The Saints, perhaps inspired by my comments on last weeks post, perhaps devoid of any motivation knowing they will not be allowed to headline any mardi gras parades, perhaps out of pure fear of January at Lambeau Field, will not be winning the Super Bowl this year.
And before everyone comes at me for 1) being a downer on what is, most of the time, supposed to be a blog with FUNNY takes and 2) dramatizing my current depression that apparently “every sports fan goes through”… well… just let me be miserable okay!!!! I don’t have a snappy retort!!!!! Let’s just move on and talk about dumb football. As if there’s ANYTHING to look forward to now.
Bills Ravens
Oof. Ok y’all know we love ourselves some Josh Allen, savior of Katrina’s fantasy season. We love to see Buffalo thriving, because they have…very little else. Except wings (Katrina: low key I did not know these were actually FROM Buffalo until really recently! Also, let’s briefly talk about their name. First you’re like yep makes sense, Buffalo the logo is the buffalo got it. Then you realize that Buffalo is the PLACE, the mascot is actually the BILLS? As in BUFFALO BILL? Yet they’re still using this bison logo? It’s a mindf*ck). So we did want them to win, yes! But….not like this. It was sad to watch Lamar Jackson leave the game because of Concussion Protocol TM. It was sad to watch the Ravens get shut down. That’s it okay! I want everyone to win and I can’t handle the sadness of playoffs is what we learned here. This is why I cannot foster dogs! I get too attached!!! Sorry for comparing the Ravens to puppies but… that’s a lot more credit than they get from most pundits!
Packers 32 Rams 18
Katrina:
I watched this game ( i know i know round of applause) and though I have myself lived in Wisconsin, continue to be impressed by the level of fortitude (or…sure, let’s call it, fortitude) of Packers fans. While I will never accept an “iconic cheer” consisting solely of GO PACK GO, I will tip my hat at anyone willing to sit outside in 29 degrees with snow to support their football team. Now that I think about it, cold is probably better for COVID safety anyways, since you’ll just huddle together with your pod for warmth instead of mingling. The Packers pretty much dominated from the start, and much was made of the fact that #99 defensive tackle Aaron Donald (never trust a man with two first names) was not playing. While I am certain being out a player nicknamed “The Terminator” was quite damaging, I can’t help but wonder if the weather also factored in to this loss. Regardless, the Rams lost, LA is out which pleases me as I am anti- LA in all things (except their fight against COVID, shoutout to all the essential workers in LA right now)
Chiefs Browns
I don’t watch a lot of underdog type sports movies— because I don’t want to become more of an overly sentimental person than I already am (Speak for yourself E, I eat them up)— but I imagine a lot of them play out like this Browns game did. Everyone betting against them coming in, Baker Mayfield was in a spot he’d been in many times before: the nobody, with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. Is it a little indulgent of everyone to paint this 6’0” Heisman winning quarterback (who, by the way, has like a… $32,000,000 contract, not counting any of his numerous sponsorship deals) as an “underdog”? 100% yes. (Also??? He’s only 25?? I would have bet money he was like…. 32) I mean if they wanted an underdog, the city of cleveland ( a place where they used to have industry!) sells itself. Don’t trust us- go and look at both of their buildings! Anyway despite all the buildup the Browns is still the Browns, and even without Patrick Mahomes (chug your drink for CONCUSSION PROTOCOL, take a shot since it was the SECOND of the weekend, yes we are making light of head injuries, we have watched too much football and we have sold our souls now DRINK) they couldn’t pull off the upset.
Bucs Saints
Ok I know I already whined about this but I would just like to say that I MIGHT have been okay with the Saints losing to say, a dream boat like Aaron Rodgers, future guest host of jeopardy (no but for real). I am absolutely NOT ok with losing to Tom Brady and TOMpa Bay. As made clear, WE DO NOT STAN TOM BRADY. I realize that’s sacrilege for two New England born gals, but we are brave in our hot takes! Come at us! I also don’t like the Bucs head coach, he gives off bad vibes! All this to say we are fully team Packers going into next weeks NFC Championship game, and I hope Tom Brady freezes his BUTT off in snowy Green Bay. Were the Saints perfect in this game? No! Drew threw THREE INTERCEPTIONS!??? Jameis was the most capable Saints quarterback and that is something no one would have predicted coming in! I am really just lashing out because there is no Mardi Gras AND no Saints Superbowl and now there is no joy. Too depressing????
Perhaps happy days will return someday… but until then I am a Bills Mafia Don and if anyone asks I always have been.
