There are no Hot Takes, Only Hot Girls: NFL Conference Championships
With the Super Bowl match up set and two whole weeks until D-Day, you do not need us to tell you about the GOAT and the Kid. (Although not enough people are referring to Mahomes as a kid and like baby goats are called kids….it just seems like a lost opportunity if you ask us. it’s PUNNY guys). That being said we have committed to the bit (much to our, as usual, misery) so let’s talk about what happened this past weekend.
Tampa Bay Bucs 31 Green Bay Packers 26
We did not watch this game, however we did watch the SCORE of this game, which was extremely frustrating. I mean there is not much we can add to the discourse here: The Packers should have gone for the touchdown, not the field goal, but they didn’t, and the grass is always greener in Tampa Bay (literally, it’s the tropics) There was a pass intereference call that maybe shouldn’t have been called but actually probably should have (Katrina: Once again, having a penalty called pass interference when the actual point of the game is to interfere with the opponent’s passing….it just truly doesn’t get stupider than this folks) , the refs just aren’t allowed to do their jobs during the playoffs (K: It’s rigged, we said it from the start!!). Someone who does do his job during the playoffs: T** B****.(AGAIN- RIGGED?????) I will not be saying anything else on this matter.
Kansas City 38 Buffalo 24
Ah, there are the bills we know and love! The Josh Allen who loses yards to multiple sacks, throws a fourth quarter interception, and makes us so miserable we have to turn off the game before it’s over. We’re sad for the Bills Mafia, and our only condolence is that maybe the Real Super Bowl was the tables we broke along the way. We are pouring one (ketchup bottle) out for all our favorite mafia dons, including Pinto Ron. K: Moment of silence for the file-cabinet pizzas we couldn’t eat this year.It’s been a wild ride mafia fam, I’ll never forget any of you, especially you baby Josh, and as ESPN sportsman Chris Berman once said “You can poison their food. You can put sand in their gas tank... But NOBODY circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.”. Keep the dream alive, see you next year.
On the Kansas City side, i haven’t really forgiven them (i.e. their fans) for booing the players during the moment of unity at beginning of the season( K: Ice cold take- the NFL- STILL RACIST BUT NOW with 10% more virtual signaling per game!) but congrats to the scariest freakin offense continuing to be terrifying and utterly unstoppable. Tyreke Hill, who’s twitter handle is literally @cheetah, went zoom zoom zoom and was baffling to the Bills defense. We will be rooting for the Chiefs in the Superbowl, but more on that later.
Anyways brace yourselves for two full weeks of people talking about the greatest quarterback matchup of all time, or all the CRAZY stats about TB because he’s made it to a super bowl in THREE CONSECUTIVE DECADES (He old, we get it), etc. etc. etc. Objectively, the chiefs have a better offense, prove me wrong. Honestly to me the entire match up is..uninspiring, but that might be because I hate the bucs. that’s all i got. K: This might not be the most high-brow take but… does anyone else think it’s strange that it’s TB…. who plays for TB??? Can this be a coincidence?? and that mysteriously…. he moves to Tampa the same year the Super Bowl is being hosted there? Wake UP sheeple!!
K: Some might be saying at this juncture, damn it’s crazy football is almost over! sad!! and to those people I would say…. who are you… and why do you wake up every weekend and CHOOSE VIOLENCE (literally). In any case, we will be of course partying it UP for the Super bowl (and by partying i mean WATCHING ALONE IN OUR APARTMENTS WITH THE MEMBERS OF OUR HOUSEHOLD, QUESO DIP AND WINGS because the NFL might have forgotten, but COVID IS STILL REAL AND LAST TIME I CHECKED WE AREN’T IMMUNE YET). Stay tuned for our party planning menu (beers included) to come!
