A Very Expensive Jet Goes Missing- NFL Week 2
Week 2 baby! Somehow I watched every game but also none of them. Some teams reassured us, others still have us worried, and some? Are apparently better than we thought.
The Games We Didn’t Watch
Eagles 34 - Vikings 28: Philly’s entire ethos is “how much can I make my fans sweat while remaining unbeaten”, but a win is a win! Kirk Cousins honestly cooking though the Vikes didn’t look horrible here.
Seahawks 37 - Lions 31: Ok Geno! Geno hive I never doubted you please don’t look at last weeks blog! In this offensive THRILLER Seattle snuck out a well earned win- went to OT (never much love) where the Lions didn’t even get to touch the ball (classic).
Bucs 27 - Bears 17: Not Baker Mayfield COOKING down in Florida; why Chicago is refusing to run the ball when that is all their QB is good for continues to be a MYSTERY to me.
Colts 31 - Texans 20: The Colts are…2-0? Was Anthony Richardson underrated? Do they not need Jonathan Taylor? Who knows the Texans are just bad!!!!
Falcons 25 - Packers 24: Don’t let the loss make you doubt Jordan Love, plz continue supporting this sweet king, this was a TIGHT one.
Bills 38 - Raiders 10: BIIIIIILLLLLLLLSSSSSS MAAAAAAFIAAAAAAAA we BACK UP Josh threw 3 tds go baby!!!!
Titans 27 - Chargers 24: The Chargers are 0-2…this coach’s seat has NEVER been hotter. This game went to OT though, so at least it was a coin flip!
49ers 30 - Rams 23: Everyone is HOT on the niners right now- for good reason, Brock Purdy is tied with Dak Prescott for the highest QBR (the stat for how well quarterbacks do) in the league. The Rams have struck GOLD with the man named for the necklace: Puka Nacua, and could be dangerous when Cooper Kupp recovers.
Commanders 35 - Broncos 33: Russ Wilson ALMOST pulled off an excellent comeback here with a touchdown in the final seconds of the game, but when they tried to go for the two point conversion they were unsuccessful. Was there pass interference? Yes! Was it called? no! Nothing like Sean Payton leaving New Orleans just to lose on another no call.
The Games We Did Watch
Ravens 27 - Bengals 24
Ok per usual saying we “watched” “a” “game” is generous (normally we are sleeping through that 2pm window) and in this case it is particularly generous (I was looking at TVs that were in the bar from a table outside and someone was standing in the way so, was I paying attention? Barely!) Lamar looked BETTER this week, but the Ravens still aren’t as hot as they would need to be. The Bengals look WORRISOME— last year they also started 0-2 and then did end up making the playoffs (the first team to do so in this playoff format), but they just have no answer for runners on the defensive end of things AND Joey B reaggravated his calf injury during this game. Remember in U.S History when they were like “As goes Maine, as goes the country” — Joe Burrow is the Maine of this Bengals team. (Also isn’t it wild to think that MAINE used to be the belweather state? Wild times). Without a healthy and performing Joe, there’s no hope for Cincy.
Chiefs 17 - Jags 9
The Chiefs looked better this week as well, thanks mostly to the return of Travis Kelce. AND IF YOU MISSED IT Travis Kelce is supposedly “hanging out” with Taylor swift, which set us up for some Good Puns (“Kelce finds a Blank Space in the End Zone”) during this game (Although Swift is an Eagles fan so make of this what you will! In terms of Kelce brothers I think she’d be more of a Jason girl. ALSO combining the power of swifties with the media ubiquity of the NFL, this seems like it’ll be worse than the Hiddleswift media storm and I would brace yourself for the internet obsessing over it whether or not it’s even a thing).
Cowboys - Jets
Wilson scrambled for a few frist downs early on and I thought to myself- he is REALLY trying to prove himself here damn. Then he went on to through a ton of interceptions so…the struggles are real. Aaron Rodgers meanwhile has taken to the talk shows to brag about his “unbelievable” recovery/rehab plan, which…seems dubious. An achilles is a brutal recovery— Cam Akers of the Rams pulled off the fastest recovery in known history during their Super Bowl winning season and is like, 22. Aaron is 40. No further comments! Anyways much like how the United States government lost their big fancy jet this week, the loss of Aaron Rodgers is expensive and devastating for the JEts- the rest of the team looks so solid, their defense is incredible, people are calling them the 85 Bears (whatever that means)…it’s clear they’re going to have to do SOMETHING and trade for a different QB. Meanwhile the Cowboys have everyone convinced they’re going to win the Super Bowl and, as mentioned, Dak is playing at the highest level in the league. Yikes yikes yikes! We cannot let this happen ok cowboys fans are insufferable!!!
Giants 31 - Cardinals 28
They waited until the second half to score and they waited until the last 5 minutes to take a lead but the G MEN are BACK babes Daniel Jones had the best half of his LIFE and they pulled off a win in what was an emotional rollercoaster. Thrilled to see this new york team notch up their first win, less thrilled that it was THIS hard for them to beat…the cardinals? I mean they did Cardinal things by blowing a Even worse, Saquon Barkley sprained his hamstring and will be out for three weeks. They’re set to play the so-far-unstoppable 49ers on TNF.
Miami 24 - Patriots 17
Dolphins STOMPED all over New England in Foxborough, proving their offense remains solid and the hype is very real. They have a few defensive weaknesses but luckily Mac Jones is a little doofus so the Patriots couldn’t take advantage of it. On the bright side we got to see a very angry Belichick throw his challenge flag in what was perhaps the best example of exactly how close to reality tv this league is.
Saints 20 - Panthers 17
Don’t let the score fool you- this was not an interesting game! The inability of the Saints to look exciting on offense is almost a talent at this point- a gift even! I thought to myself at one point: are we just going to go an entire season without scoring a touchdown? They did end up getting two- shout out to Tony Jones Jr. Rashid Shaheed and Chris Olave also put up great numbers and snagged some good receptions- if we had a greater than mid quarterback then these guys could really be stars! The Panthers, for their part, also look like trash. Not more to add there!
Steelers 26 - Browns 22
Great day to be a die hard Deshaun Watson hater! Homie threw a pick six (to Alex Highsmith) riiight out the gate and got sacked SIX TIMES. Sucks to SUCK. Bad day if you’re a steelers fan, despite the win, because most of those points were scored by…their defense. Kenny Pickett still looks unconvincing and Najee Harris is not performing up to form. Besides the pick six, other Ls came for the Browns in the form of a BRUTAL injury to Nick Chubb. We’re not going to get into it here but let’s just say his knee is busted and we won’t see him again this year!
Looking Ahead
In Week 3 we’ve got a thursday night football that should be a slam dunk, a Chargers - Vikings match up that is make or break for both teams, Jordan Love will test his chops against the Saints defense, Patriots & Jets will have a mid-off and we will once again have TWO MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL games- the second of which looks spicy (Rams- Bengals). Teams that are winless (aka: Bengals, Broncos, Chargers and Vikings) (i guess also the Patriots, Texans, Cardinals, Bears, and Panthers but who cares about them) will look to notch their first dub before everyone starts panicking.
Content rec, follow the tiktok queen of NFL Annie Agar! She’s hilarious:
