Saturdays Are For Dancing: MARCH MADNESS PART II
Welcome back and welcome to PART II of our MARCH MADNESS COVERAGE where we are doing all things WEST and by that I mean we’re going to cover the second half of the bracket which is randomly referred to as the MidWest and the West. Again, it’s made up!
Before we break those teams down for you, let’s talk Watching The Games! CBS is your home for the tourney, so you will see games screened across CBS, TNT, TBS, and TruTV. Honestly we do not recommend the March Madness streaming app, as it was 100% ass last year. Also, important note: brace yourself for a phenomenon common in longer sports events but for some reason it is the most annoying during this tournament: you will be seeing the same 6 commercials for the greater part of the next month. Am I loving Candace Parker’s inclusion in the Road to the Final Four saga? Yes, this is HUGE for women, the biggest thing Candace has ever done for women, glass ceiling broken, etc etc. Am I going to enjoy watching her puzzle over a map with spike lee? Once or twice maybe, but by weekend two, I will go insane if I have to hear the Jersey Mike’s eye of the slicer ad. Perhaps it’s just a me thing but! ITs insufferable imho!
Last but not least let this be your annual reminder that Charles Barkley is the greatest gift to television and we do not deserve this man. And to honor his greatness, please raise a glass and play our march madness drinking game.
THE MIDWEST
1 Houston The Cougars - I know we spent our last post telling you that anything can happen and there are no clear leaders this year BUT Houston is a popular pick to take the title (shocking considering their a 1 seed!). Here’s what they have working in their favor: The team has built itself up in the last 6 years, making frequent tournament appearances and really establishing a good bball reputation, thanks in great part to coach Kevin Sampson. They are a team of veterans & young players with a lot of talent, including Jarace Walker, Marcus Sasser, and J’Wan Roberts. IF they make the final four, they will be playing essentially on home turf, and a title would mean everything to this team. ON THE OTHER HAND they hail from the American Conference (not a conference that produces great basketball, traditionally), and they didn’t even win that conference championship. Memphis had their way with Houston, making them look a little silly. Sasser also suffered a groin injury and may not be fully fit. YET if Houston is ever going to win the dance, this might be their best chance to do so.
16 Northern Kentucky The Norse (Uhh like Vikings I guess?) - I went to go look up this school and they have a separate wiki for Notable Alums (which isn’t surprising for a school but this boy is so tiny I was intrigued) and guess who attended but didn’t graduate? GEORGE FREAKIN CLOONEY. Point to the Norse! They are a defensive minded squad led by 6’2” star Marques Warrick (they cited his height as if I am supposed to be impressed…babe…who’s gunna tell them 6’2” is short in basketball). Seems like they’re on the #justhappytobehere train.
8 Iowa The Hawkeyes - King of letting me down, I put my faith in this team because they have a kinda corn-grown good time type of vibe, and they have excellent graphic design (that hawkeye? he’s flawless.). They’ve had some big names in the last few years including sweetheart of my very own G League Luka Garza and Keegan Murray, but they’re not as good as they have been. In a fun relatable sibling rivalry moment. Keegan’s twin brother Kris remains on the team after withdrawing from the draft last year (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- twins have some crazy stuff going on between them), and now he’s one of the best players in the country. This team is a top five offensive force, and they beat some big names in the conference (Including Indiana & Illinois & Michigan State), but they’ve had some ups and downs and aren’t giving the consistency I would need to take a chance on them again. We’re Big 10 conspiracy theorists!!!!
9 Auburn The Tigers/ War Eagles, again PICK ONE - Charles Barkley’s alma mater, Auburn has been pretty steady in terms of basketball success recently. 2019 was the peak of this- they won the SEC and went on a run all the way to the Final Four (where they lost to would-be-champions UVA). Last year however, they flamed out in the second round, and this season they didn’t make it out of the first round of the SEC tourney. A lot of their losses have come in close games, which is pretty rough for morale & for their ranking. If they can figure out how to win when it counts, John Broome & co. have the talent to go far.
5 Miami The Hurricanes - I do take issue with your mascot being a natural disaster that frequently kills people, but if you’re making a bracket based off of mascots, it’s hard to argue against that kinda record! As for the actual team, they put on their best dancing performance in history last year with a trip to the Elite 8. We told you the ACC isn’t as impressive this year, but it IS impressive that Miami did so solidly in it, and they’re 8-1 in their last 9 games. They’ve got a few stars to choose from- Isaiah Wong (ACC Player of the Year), Jordan Miller, Norchad Omier (who DID just hurt his ankle). Their weakness is protecting the rim, but they’re hot right now and ripe for a run (like the oranges that surround their campus!)
12 Drake The Bulldogs - Sadly this university was NOT founded by Drake aka Aubrey Graham, but if it helps you to imagine it was, you do you. We’ve got our father son duo of the tournament (and yes, coach’s son IS code for small white kid), as coach Darian DeVries brings his sophomore son Tucker (who’s 39% from 3) and the rest of this Missouri Valley Conference Championship team into the dance. The Missouri Valley has had some notable upset teams in recent years, so something to mull over. They are considered a pretty dangerous team- they take a lot of shots and they MAKE a lot of shots, they force turnovers with a tight defense, and on top of that they’ve been on a hot streak, winning 16 of their last 18 games.
4 Indiana The Hoosiers - No one knows what a hoosier is even IN indiana and that, to me, is beautiful. Similarly, no one really knows what this Indiana team is--they swept Purdue in conference play, but haven’t been able to string together multiple wins in a row in the last two months. Famously important to string together multiple wins in a row in a single elimination tournament! When Trayce Jackson-Davis and Jalen Hood-Schefino are cooking, the composite quadruple hyphenate product is excellent, but honestly this team can go either way.
13 Kent State The Golden Flashes - Sir, you’re gunna love this. We found this badass team called the Golden Flashes that’s our EXACT style. Five years after their last tournament appearance, Kent State is back thanks to an Mid American conference win. That conference? Solely Ohio vibes, not great. There have been some FLASHES of brilliance with this team (see what I did there?)- they came CLOSE to beating Houston and Gonzaga and that isn’t nothing! VonCameron Davis and Sincere Carry (he is sincerely CARRYING this team!!!!!) are some seriously exciting players.
6 Iowa State she move her body like a CYCLONE - Usually the lesser of the two Iowas, the Cyclones have had a season of high highs (beating UNC in November) and low lows (losing 7 of their 8 games going into the tournament). Their star player Caleb Grill left the team citing mental health issues (we stan a king - take care of your mental health everyone!), and a lot of people are saying this team peaked…too early.
PLAY IN 11 Mississippi State The Bulldogs - Lotta dawgs in this pound baby! Apparently the center MidWest corner of the bracket is for teams that are hot and cold- Mississippi started the season very strong, and then lost like 7 games straight, and then ended up middling out somewhere in between. One could say they have found their stride, but one could also maybe say that ambivalence is not not feeling but it is feeling two extremes in equally strong ways? Am I waxing too poetic? Let me simplify it: the main thing to know about this team is that they cannot make a 3 pt shot to save their lives! They are literally the worst at it in the COUNTRY! lol
PLAY IN 11 Pitt The Panthers - Tbh I am not sure what happened with Pitt, but they do belong in this region because if there’s one thing they are, it’s MID. How can a team with such a perfect font choice be so flawed? It’s almost as if graphic design doesn’t correlate to on court success…something I cannot get behind. Apparently there’s been some trouble with recruits doing crime and their coach is definitely in the hot seat, so making it here is a solid step up from recent form for the Panthers. They beat Miami! They beat Virginia! They lost to….Notre Dame? I realize that not even halfway through this second blog post is too early to start being like “anything can happen idk maybe no research is going to help you at a certain point” but uh…. Guys anything can happen. I am not loving the vibe of this Pitt team though sorry everyone!
3 Xavier The Musketeers all for one and one for all!! - Another sneaky Big East team here to steal your girl, the Musketeers are here after a triumphant trip down in the NIT (the losers tournament) last year and maybe that means they are primed for a run. They’re missing Zach Freemantle who is a key element to their offense, but will try to make up for his absence with Souley Boum, Colby Jones, and Jerome Hunter. In general their vibes are p good, but anyone who watched them against Marquette in the Big East final should have some pause- they got their butts handed to them.
14 Kennesaw St The Owls - Hoot hoot! Coming in with absolutely 0 expectations for themselves, this team is ALREADY a Cinderella story just for getting here. In 4 years (he took over in 19-20) Coach Amir Abdur-Rahim has gone from a 1 (one! One singular!) win season to tying Liberty for the regular season Atlantic Sun title & then beating them in the conference tournament. (AND LIBERTY SUCKS, all my homies hate liberty because in terms of being bigots, they might just be up there with Oral Roberts) You know what we call that?
7 Texas A&M The Aggies - I do like Utah State but these ARE the only Aggies I will recognize, Texas A&M put together a solid season in the SEC this year. Like Xavier, they went on a run in the NIT last year, and while we give the NIT a lot of shit for being the JV tournament, there is something to be said for having that level of tournament experience. March is a MENTALITY baby! Their high seed comes thanks to a lot of nice wins- sweeping Auburn & Missouri, and pulling one over on Alabama (who they finished right behind in the final conference rankings). They do have a bit of shooting trouble (in the basketball sense, not as in the Alabama sense) and faced with a tougher opponent (cough Penn State cough cough) they could easily get shut down.
10 Penn State The Nittany Lions - We’ve all had a lot of laughs talking trash about the Big 10 on this blog, but let’s get serious for a second. As a 10 seed in the big ten tournament, Penn State nearly beat Purdue (and, had they done so they would have been the lowest seed ever to win that final)- in fact, they should have beat Purdue on the merits of closing a twenty point gap in a half. They are GRITTY (fitting for Gritty’s home state!) - outside of that loss to Purdue, they had won 5 games straight by less than 5 points. They’re the stereotypical bad boy that’s making me question my resolve- but I have been burned before and a series of such hotly contested games might have tired this team out a little too much going into this tournament.
2 Texas The Longhorns - Ok remember my brief aside about Ole Miss hiring a Domestic Abuser? Well guess where he was coaching before? It’s Texas folks! Earlier this year the Longhorns fired Chris Beard after he was accused of strangling & beating his fiance (and then she was like noooo like he never did that I neverrr said that…idk sus), and since then Rodney Terry has been in charge. Like some other teams, they have THRIVED at home this year. And we will say it again, this tournament- not at home folks! That, AND recent injury to Timmy Allen make me question the Marchability of this team. It’s pretty impressive they pulled off a successful season (beating Kansas once in the regular season AND in the Big 12 championship final…. Very strange) despite their coaching troubles, but missing their biggest player is too big an obstacle to overcome imho.
15 Colgate The Raiders- It would take them both reaching completely unforeseen heights for their programs but how funny would it be if we got a match up between Oral Roberts and Colgate ...that would really be a peak for me. Colgate stans get mad when you bring up their minty fresh history but it’s like ok if you don’t want to talk about toothpaste…don’t be founded by a toothpaste magnate babes it like, comes with the territory! Anyways they have autoqualified with a win from the PATRIOT LEAGUE and they have the best three point average in the country at a whopping 41%. Unlike SOME people, they be shooting 3s and they be …making them! They’re 20-1 since late december, and are facing a Texas team that has lost some key players as of late. IS this their year? Probably not but let them serve as your REMINDER TO FLOSS!
THE WEST
1 Kansas The Jayhawks - Since I, Katrina, have been doing March Madness brackets, which has been for OVER A DECADE I am old, Kansas has been good, and I have believed in them. They play in arguably the toughest conference in ball (Big 12), their coach, Bill Self, is the winningest coach in the conference, and they have great players that have NBA careers (joel embiid ever heard of him??) and they have tons of experience and every year I GET BURNED. So last year I was like that is IT no more Jay Hawk, Rock Chalk AND JOKE IS ON ME THEY WON IT ALL. Anyways, this year they have an impressive resume, and the usual stacked roster : Jaylen Wilson who averages 19 points per game, a freshman who will certainly get drafted named GRADEY DICK (…more like Grade A Dick) and Kevin McCullar Jr. They’ve got top wins. Their weakness? They’ve lost twice to Texas, most recently in the Big 12 Championship - though they were missing Coach Self who was out with mysterious chest pain - he should be back for the first games of the dance. Their losses to Texas DO concern me but another part of me is like… should i go for it?? (Then again the chances of them winning 2 tourneys in a row…..)
16 Howard The Bison - HHHHH U, YOU KNOW!!! (That’s their cheer). The last time the Bison danced was in the 90s! Welcome back bison babies!!! They’re here because they won the MEAC conference and does that mean anything, not really. Their star player Elijah Hawkins is 48% from 3 which is wild but part of me is like… ok is anyone in the MEAC really blocking him? This team has had a solid showing but I’m just not sure this upset is where I’m taking risks you know? Also completely unrelated but heartwarming story- Howard is having a great year for athletics across the board, as seen in their newly revived swim team’s success.
8 Arkansas The Razorbacks aka lil runnin pigs! - We say it every year but it remains true- nothing more fearsome than 30-60 wild hogs ! And coach Eric Musselman lived up to this reputation when he had to be physically restrained during their quarter final loss in the SEC. This team has been on a jOurNeY and not in a good way- they were picked to finish high in the SEC but then lost a bunch of dudes to injury and legit can’t keep hold of the ball (tons o turnovers). They’ve mostly recovered from this but do not have a lot of consistency (again this is the theme of the party!!!)
9 Illinois The Fighting Illini (A mascot we have discussed previously on this blog but the tldr is it’s problematic)- Back in January the Illini were showing real promise but then February rolls around and they face some tough teams and the record goes down the drain. That being said, they have a dynamic duo of Terrance Shannon Jr and Michael Mayer scoring tons of points, and their 8-9 matchup is, as per usual, a real crapshoot. Is it sounding like a lot of this is a crapshoot? It’s feeling like a lot of this is a crapshoot.
5 Saint Mary’s - The Gaels - though they be (from a) small (conference), they be mighty (that’s a Shakespeare reference). St Mary’s has been a regular presence in the tournament but have rarely advanced past the first weekend. They play in the same conference as the Zags and their strat this year is SLOW IT doWN baby! They take their TIME!! This tempo can be very hard to get past so their defense stats are great- and when they’ve lost it’s been by about 5 points, that’s it. This could be a very interesting team to bet on- the 5 seed is strong with this one
12 VCU The Rams- coming in hot off a great showing and win in the A10 tournament (down the street from me at Barclays). This is their third appearance in 5 years, but again they haven’t made it past that initial game (tbt to when they shocked the world back when I was in college tho!!) (Katrina that was a million years ago) (incredibly rude) so they are looking to get a win. Something to know about these boys is that they are going to force turnovers- they do this all the time! So that is something to watch for for SURE. This is another trendy upset pick and not a totally crazy one (despite what I said above about liking the Gaels)
4 UConn The Huskies - U C O N N UCONNUCONNUCONN! Better known as a women’s powerhouse of course, the men have had several years with strong showings (notably in 2011 when they won 11 straight games, a historic deep run with Kemba Walker to win it all, something I SOMEHOW PREDICTED). Then things fell apart, the center did not hold because they moved to the (trash) American Conference in a bid to try to become a football school (lawlz) and then remembered that ain’t it and recently rejoined the Big East, making it the second non-Catholic (read: heathen) school after Butler. This team has that OG 2011 potential to it, with star Adam Sanogo (I keep thinking they say SO NO CO like the gas) averaging almost 17 points per game and dominating the glass (that means he gets rebounds, a very key thing you must do but many neglect!). They also have impressive 3 point shooters in Jordan Hawkins and Alex Karaban, and have notched key wins (most intriguingly vs overall 1 seed Alabama). Yes, they did lose a bunch of games in the stretch but this is a team with ZEST! I could see it happening for them! Plus they have a cute dog mascot who we love- more than anything we are team Johnathan!
13 Iona also the Gaels - Two Gaels in one region? Believe it or not that is not a wind thing, a gael is like some sort of Celtic warrior? Iona is a frequent attendee from the MAAC conference currently led by Rick Pitino, a coach you probably have heard of for his antics on and off the court. He famously led the Knicks to a divisional title, and created a strong program at Louisville back when they were still Big East (2011-2017).He’s also INfamous for a pay-to-pay scandal (this means he bribed players/ paid them, since they are amateurs, this is illegal though now things are somewhat evolving with the NIL regulation, but even with NIL prostitutes are generally not condoned) and for a cheating scandal ending with a secret abortion! (yes we are pro choice but paying off your mistress to get an abortion is not a great look). Rumors are flying about a potential move to St John’s or even Georgetown (god I hope not some of us have VALUES) since he has led Iona to the tourney several times-- an L for Cancel Culture. This year, Iona had a 27 win season, culminating in 14 wins leading up to the tournament so they are feeling the momentum right now! That being said they are not a huge team and may not stand up against tougher opponents.
6 Texas Christian aka TCU The Horned Frogs - We all rooted for them in this year’s College Football Playoffs (all glory to the Hypnotoad) only to see them blown out, so maybe they can do better here! Star player Mike Miles Jr was out for 5 games with a knee issue (Elena can relate!) and has definitely not been up to par since he came back. Though TCU had some top wins in the Big 12 earlier on (pro!) AND they shoot 70% from the line (PRO! Oh and that means free throws, though imho that stat should be like 85% MIN) they are terrible from 3 (con!), something that has been increasingly important as the college game evolves towards more NBA-style play. The potential is there, but signs aren’t pointing to yes for me.
PLAY IN 11 Arizona State The Sundevils - My father-in-law’s alma mater, a school I have lost a lot of respect for since visiting Phoenix/Tempe and realizing it SUCKS as a city. The Pac-12 conference is pretty pleased to have these guys here, shows that it’s a power year for this power conference. This is a team plagued by offensive issues and bad losses against the top teams in this conference, but is defensively strong, forcing turnovers and defending in the paint. They’re probably here because they beat Arizona (instate rival) on a buzzer beater, making them good but not good enough to get out of a play-in game.
PLAY IN 11 Nevada The Wolfpack (again?) - Adding to our list of confounding teams, the Wolfpack does great scoring at the rim, but led the Mountain West ( a conference with a great logo!) in turnovers. They’ve also lost to some BAD teams which is not helping their cause. Seems like the Selection boys were also confused so they stuck them in this play-in game (a glorious cop out). I can see them beating the Sun Devils but I’m not sure they can take on a TCU team that’s used to playing big men in the Big 12.
3 Gonzaga aka the Zags, The Bulldogs - Ah the Zags, so close for SO many years in a row, yet so far. I just want my fellow Jesuit brothers to win a national title! And it is feeling like they really missed their shot! This year they have not been quite as good as in the past, when they came in as 1 seed, and they had a slow start in conference play, but in the past month they’ve been on fire (according to stats) and are one of the country’s top teams (again according to stats). If they can get their defense together (ONCE again it’s like no one reads this blog!! DEFENSE= CHAMPIONSHIPS), they might just be able to pull something out here. There’s something to be said for not having the pressure of a 1-seed after all! Plus, I refuse to believe someone with a mustache as fantastic as Drew Timme’s could NOT win something.
14 Grand Canyon The Lopes (I guess antelopes? Home home on the range?) - I am not pro this place (that you may have heard of from their omnipresent commercials for their online programs) because they are a FOR PROFIT Christian school. Do you think Jesus was FOR PROFIT???? No!!! This team’s chances for an upset lie with their good 3pt shooting percentage (38%), but for me that’s not enough to put them into upset category. And if I’m wrong? At least I stood by my principles!
7 Northwestern The Wildcats - Before 2017 this nerdy Big10 school had never made the tournament, and when they did everyone was mad excited!! Then they fell off a bit but they are actually somewhat good this year (in a tough conference!) and have key wins against Purdue (again I have 0 confidence in that team!) and Indiana amongst others. Their top player is named Boo Buie which is hard to say but also fun to say. Sleeper pick but they did crash out of the Big10 Tourney.
10 Boise State The Broncos - Absolutely gutted to find out their home court isn’t blue like their football field…literally what is the point? This team was on the bubble because they pretty much split all their conference games BUT they shoot really well (particularly in the paint). Another Mountain West homie, they provide us with a classic matchup in their opener - a medium team from a good conference vs a pretty good team from a mid conference. That’s why we love the 7-10 game!
2 UCLA The Bruins - After many dormant years following decades of dominance, UCLA is on the come up, with appearances in the Final Four and Sweet Sixteen in the past 2 years. I reject the narrative that they are underdogs lol because they are the record-holder for national championship wins (11), but that won’t stop the woke liberal media from saying it anyways (the way they gloss over the DECADES OF DOMINANCE…fake news). Veteran Jaime Jaquez Jr is the heart of this strong team, currently on a 10 game win streak. This is a hot pick to win it all according to the experts. HOWEVER it is worthy to note they have two (2) key players out due to late-season injuries, and it may be very difficult for them to create the same rhythm without them - it remains to be seen as they haven’t yet played any games since this happened. That’s why these things are hard to predict!
15 UNC Asheville The Bulldogs - This team has not lost since New Year’s Eve, and got here with a conference win in the Big South. Key player Drew Pember really do be putting the team on his back though, but his confidence and skill might be enough to carry them forward. A trendy pick! Lest we forget though, they do have some bad and I mean BAD losses, which is a serious point against them. If you believe in momentum, this is your team. If you’re skeptical of the (Big) south, (and who isn’t) this is not the risk I’d take.
MASCOT REPORT
Not a ton of creativity in the Mascot bracket this year, we’re seeing a lot of chalk (Bears, Wildcats, vaguely religious warriors etc). The tigers are widely represented (despite some famous tigers like LSU & Clemson missing!), comign in with a showing of 5 teams. Pretty solid! As discussed, the match up we are most ype for in the Mascot Bracket is the Trojan War Derby (this isn’t as relevant for college basketball but in the NBA I do feel like Larsa Pippen is our Helen of Troy…something there) between Michigan State and USC. While a Minty Fresh Match up between Oral Roberts and Colgate is unlikely, there remains a slim chance for some Gael vs Gael warfare, HOPEFULLY a couple cat fights.
Dog Count: 7
Cat Count: 15
Remember to submit your brackets by THURSDAY and follow me and Katrina on Instagram where we will post updates daily!!!!
