The Joy of Painting (a playoff picture) : NFL Week 14
We are SO CLOSE to the playoffs y’all! This is thrilling not because of the potential for upsets and knockouts and #drama, but because soon football will be OVER. We are three weeks out baby! And that playoff picture is started to look more and more like the end of an episode of The Joy of Painting. We do not make mistakes in football, just happy little accidents.There were some BIG match ups this week (looking at you, Cleveland) that really did not disappoint.
Eagles 24 Saints 21
After benching Wentz last week, the Eagles started former Bama/Oklahoma QB Jalen Hurts against the Saints. Personally this was a tumultuous choice for me to live through, as a Saints fan who also thinks Jalen Hurts is a Really Nice Boy. Even though he couldn’t get a week 13 win, he did outmaneuver Tasty Taysom Hill (I miss drew) and make the Eagles offense look…excited again. They “came alive” so to speak. So this loss not ideal for the Saints ahead of a big challenge against the Chiefs next week, but on the bright side, Drew will be back then!
Chiefs 33 Dolphins 27
This game was sort of like when Bob Ross paints with that little circle frame stuck on his canvas. You’re watching the painting come together, you think you know what it looks like, you look at those sloppy edges and you think: Damn, bob ross has lost his touch, and then he peels off the paper and TA DA the chiefs win and there is a perfect edge around an idyllic landscape scene. The score makes this game look really close, but as we all know the league is rigged, they will not stand for sloppy edges! Tua continues to show that Miami has a shiny bright future ahead. The Chiefs had some strugs early on but once they captured the lead they never trailed again, which is a sentence that belongs in the last paragraph of an adventure novel.
NEW YORK TRASH: Seahawks 40 Jets 3
As per usual this was the only game on I(Katrina) could watch due to stupid television rules, and boy, was it a waste of time. The Jets remained committed to not winning a game, and you know, you have to applaud them for their dedication to the bit! Of course, as SNL reminded us this week, the Jets are only “losing” in games scored by the “NFL”; it’s all rigged and they’re ACTUALLY good enough to be SuperBowl Champs. Wish I lived in the same world as those Jets fans; seems like a better place.
A Monday Night Football Game We Probably Should Have Watched: Ravens 47 Browns 42
I know we complain a lot about games being on past our bedtime, but it is POSSIBLE that some games are worth staying up for. Apparently this is a rivalry game (feels like the Browns have like 8 rivals) and was an important test of Baker Mayfield after everyone declared last week that he was The Greatest Quarterback Ever Probably. These are not reasons that are convincing enough for us, but Lamar Jackson almost pooping his pants in the middle of the game….now that’s an inside joke we wish we got to be a part of. Even BETTER is that on the ESPN Daily podcast they highlighted this as a PHENOMENON for professional athletes, with POOP EXPERT Dave Fleming discussed the pooping of one’s pants as a part of athletic feats. I have never been more interested in football. (If you think poop humor is immature, you can leave, but leave knowing you are completely wrong. Poop. Is. Always. Funny). This recap also doesn’t really fit into our theme for the week but, I wasn’t not going to talk about it.
Looking Forward
Many of you have asked, girls, where is this supposed Playoff Guide you have advertised???? Calm down!!! It’s the holiday season! It’s a marshmallow world in the winter! We got distracted by Poop-Gate!!!!! But with Bob Ross as our guide, we will be learning the joy of painting and we promise to share all our happy little accidents with you soon. Also, and perhaps more importantly, fantasy football playoffs happen before real ones and…that’s right, despite the 49ers offense being little bitches and all getting injured (this is why running the ball is NOT always a good strat), YA GIRL IS IN THE FANTASY PLAYOFFS (with a first round bye!)!!! Will I survive to play another day? Will I emerge victorious? Will another player have to poop??? Stay tuned!
