Title Races & Champions Crowned
Trees are budding, Daffodils are blooming everywhere we go, and it has decided to pour for a month straight. That’s right folks spring is HERE and we have returned from our post-march-madness spring break stupor (i.e a time of sadness in which we mourn the loss of our bracket investments, wonder if there is a purpose to this world now that PSG is out of the champion’s league, and dread the future aka the summer aka the trade window). Not to get off track, I was about to ask if you all missed us, but I am so sure you did that we might as well jump right into the recap:
In The Champions League…
Last week the quarterfinals wrapped up in pretty dramatic fashion. Everyone expected Bayern to come storming back after a lazy 1-0 defeat in their first leg against Villareal, instead a 1-1 draw in the second leg sent them packing. Liverpool easily swept past Benefica, but Chelsea and Man City had a much tougher time. After a proper 3-1 lashing in the first leg against Real Madrid, Chelsea went into last weeks game with an uphill battle and came out STORMING with an early Timo Werner goal. They led 3-0 and one point, which is when I laughed to myself and said “we love to see Real Madrid blow it at home” and, as I am sure you have surmised, I went on to rue those words. First, a goal from Rodrygo right after he entered the game, and with everything tied up fun to fun on aggregate they headed to extra time, where who else but my greatest nemesis Karim Benzema scored the winning goal for Real. Insert the heaviest of sighs here. The next day, in the same city, drama continued in a heavily contested 0-0 draw between City and Atleti (Manchester leading 1-0 on aggregate) and the girls were fighting! Especially in the last couple minutes of the match! Anyway this is all old news at this point, as the first leg of the semis starts….today, but I digress.
In Ligue 1…
PSG CHAMP10NS BABY!!!!!!!!!!! Did they win in the most anti-climatic way possible? Yes! After a dreadful showing in Le Classique two weeks ago (I mean, they won, but the game was trash and they played like crap), PSG was miles ahead of second place Marseille approaching this match against Lens this week. Messi scored a lovely goal (f i n a l l y) and then Lens equalized, because, of course they did smh, but it doesn’t matter because no one can overtake Paris at this point so they have officially won their TENTH Ligue 1 Title! That gives them more wins than Marseille and ties them with St. Etienne (more ASSE in a moment) for most wins. Now, while the celebrations were shirtless and magnificent, winning on a draw is not only a representation of all that is wrong with the European football championship model (not with a bang but with a whimper) but also of all that is wrong with PSG! Supporters (Ultras) are still furious with the club and want some kind of changes, and as this season comes to a close and Mbappe’s contract ends there are a looooot of question marks ahead for the paname side. Who will coach this shit show? Is Mbappe going to stay? Was Donnarumma worth the price and if not- who will be top keeper? Will they EVER BUY MORE MIDFIELDERS AND DEFENDERS!?! All this and more still to be determined, but one thing we do know: PSG is the Brooklyn Nets of international soccer. The rest of the top tier teams are battling it our for spots in European football. As of right now, Marseille & Rennes are in the money zone, with Nice at their heels, but every team up to 7th place has a chance to grab a spot at this point (Including a strasbourg team that’s lost some momentum, a Lyon team that forgot to try for half this year, and Lens who is just kinda also there).
Speaking of losing! Elsewhere in the league this week ASSE fought for their liiiiives against Monaco (and this is a side that wants to make the Champions league places…ok monaco but whatever). They conceded a goal early but revived hope with a penalty before the half. This is good! Then they scored an own goal that I swear to god looked like it was on purpose. Bad! After that the wind was knocked out of them and also the fans started ACTING UP (Act up, you can get snatched up) throwing smoke bombs on the pitch (how is this allowed fam like literally just check people’s bags…) Things are NOT great for them right now in 18th place, but they can still survive if they win…the rest of their games and Troyes & Clermont Foot lose theirs. Fingers crossed!
In the Premier League…
The title race is hot & heavy. Liverpool beat Man City in the FA Cup (A Very real competition that everyone def cares about) but City leads the table by 1 singular point. If it comes down to Goal Differential Liverpool has the upper hand (+63 to +59), and they have a game in hand. Honestly, at this point, it’s a coin flip. This past weekend, Liverpool easily slid past Everton (who btw are back in the relegation zone @ 18th), Man City put on a SHOW against Watford, and the entire middle of the table (see: Man United, Spurs, Arsenal) and as unreliable as a Faulkner narrator at this point. Everyone seems desperate to make European football but not desperate enough to win any games. Man United is in complete disarray. But at least the title race is exciting!
In La Liga…
Real Madrid has won the league, Real Betis beat Valencia in a verrrry competitive copa del rey final, and… that’s all I got here.
In Serie A…
Another title race! And a derby one at that! The scudetto competition has fallen away and now it is Milan vs Milan. Kramer v Kramer (inter is clearly meryl streep). Spy vs Spy. And it is a thriller for the ages baby! Sadly Napoli lost momentum (losing to Empoli for some reason this past weekend?!?!) , which means the land of our ancestors goes title less this year, but it is spicy to watch Inter put on a clinic (for example in their 3-1 win over Roma), and to watch Milan be scrappy as hell (beating Lazio 2-1).
