World Cup Part 2: Groups A-D
That’s right folks. We’re ready to educate your primed minds about every little detail you never would have imagined caring about when it comes to the 2018 World Cup in Russia. Because this cup has like a million (read: 32) teams, we had to break our group post down into 2 parts. I know! Part 2 of world cup content itself has two parts!! Now if that isn’t a lesson in the complexity we all contain I am not sure what is.
The great news is that we’ve done all the research so you don’t have to. The bad news is that you have to put up with us for long enough to get through the next two blog posts. Think you can handle it?
Watch the breakdown:
GROUP A
Russia (Ranked 66th. Note the closeness to 666. Coincidence? I think NOT)
Qualification: Automatic (Host. RIGGED)
Coach: Stanislav Cherchesov- Big dude, bigger moustache. Former goalkeeper, played in 1994/2002 World Cups, been coaching since ‘16
MAJOR KEY:
Igor Akinfeev- Goalkeeper, won Russian club title 6x. Cap’n
Other hot shots: Sergei Ignashvich, Yuri Zhirkov ((tbh we do not want to give these cheaters enough space for more details))
Team Nickname: The National Team (WOW ORIGINAL CONTENT FROM THE RUSSKIS!)
World Cup Street Cred/History: 10 group/Round of 16 appearances. First cup appearance in 1958. Made semis 1x, 4th place finish in 1966. When Russia was USSR, they were great (in Soviet Russia, Ball foots you); Made it to EURO quarter finals by beating Netherlands. Now, they not so hot. This has been blamed on leagues are constrained by public ownership (less money) and a nat’l team constrained by number of international players that play in the country’s leagues.
Expectations: (KP here) I mean I expect them to DOPE and CHEAT because that’s all they know!!! H*ck no russia. Get out of here. #TeamAnyoneButRussia ((Tbh only way they’re advancing is if Egypt doesn’t get second in the group.)) (OR IF it is RIGGED!!! #corruption #deepstate)
-Also, apparently, Russia is super racist and their football league was fined after racist chants at a friendly vs. France in March. This is big drama bc the fine was like penny change and bc it has made lots of players, esp. English Defender Danny Rose, uncomfy (rightfully so! We are anti racism!!!)
Saudi Arabia (67th)
Qualification: Beat Japan and Iraq in AFC qualifying to sneak in
Coach: Juan Antonio Pizzi-Argentinian who formerly coached Chile (weird, he left and now… they aren’t here...) Won Copa America 2016. Played forward, beat Spain in Euro ‘96 and World ‘98
MAJOR KEYS:
Mohammed Al Ahlawi- fast footed forward. Supposedly Qatari? Idk there is sus lack of info on him
Osama Hawasawi- top goal scorer in qualifying, formerly played youth football in Belgium
Team Nickname: The Green Falcons (baller)
World Cup Street Cred/History: 4 group appearances, Round of 16 in ‘94, haven’t been since 2006 (welcome back!), first attended in ‘94. 2nd in Confed cup in ‘92, 3x AFC champ and 3x runner up
Expectations: Well no women fans will probably attend unless their dads/husbands say it’s okay *rolls eyes @ the patriarchy* With two coaches fired in the years leading up to the Cup, prep hasn’t been great. Goals are to improve past best performance (2nd round exit in 1994). Not looking likely.
Egypt (46th)
Qualification: 2nd African team to qualify
Coach: Hector Cuper- An Argentinian by birth, he has lifted Egypt to unforeseen heights!! Accused of “boring” style, focuses on defense. Underdogs have to create rising tension not rising SCORES!
MAJOR KEY:
Mohammed (aka Mo) Salah- a m-f’in BALLER who has been PHENOMENAL for Liverpool this season. Scoring like RECORD goals fam. BUT he’s currently injured :( dislocated shoulder. This team is literally nothing without him. He’s trying hard to be back in time though. Also peep this article about how he basically ended islamophobia in the U.K.
Team Nickname: The Pharaohs (BAD. ASS.) ((they should advance for the name alone))
World Cup Street Cred/History: Previously qualified 2x (‘34 and ‘90) but have never advanced past groups. IS THIS THEIR YEAR???? I mean it’s been a lot of ups and downs. Mostly downs. Expectations: This will really really depend on Mo Salah- he’s been named to the squad after going through shoulder therapy in Spain but he might not be in top shape. Even if he’s back, the team is looking *at best* at a 2nd place group finish, but it’s unlikely they survive the round of 16. Tune in for great plays by our man Mo! The team has said they are “one family” who must “fear no one”. Inspiring af. (also sounds like the motto of a crime syndicate? #FamilyIsEverything)
Uruguay (17th)
Qualification: Finished 2nd in CONMEBOL made it on the final match day
Coach: Oscar Washington Tabarez- an “institution”of Uruguayan football. Led national teams : Italy ‘90, South Africa ’10, Brazil ‘14, mastermind behind 2011 Copa America. Called ~El Maestro~ , he is attack minded and a “straight up daddy” ((or “father figure to players”, whatever))
MAJOR KEYS:
Luis Suarez - a less good Messi and less hot Ronaldo. Leads the team in goals (scored 5x in 2014 Cup, player of tournament in 2014 as well). Plays for Barcelona (used to play for Liverpool for some time, had some conduct issues while there). He is a BIT (E) of a bad boy. ( See what I did there haha lest we forget he HAS BITTEN MULTIPLE PEOPLE including in the 2014 cup; also called a player a monkey soooo yeah he may be the Roseanne of sports?) He claims to have ‘matured’.
Edison Cavani- plays for PSG, pretty famuz, forward. Has absolutely no clue how to wear a headband.
Maxi Fereira: plays for Porto. Most caps on the squad @ 124, adding a level of maturity and experience that others ((*cough* Suarez *cough*)) may lack
Nicknames: La Celeste (“The Sky Blue”), los Churruas (named for indigenous people, #problematic?)
World Cup Street Cred/History: OG World Cup winners (& again in 1950). They’ve won every final they’ve made. Also, 2 Olympic Golds. Also, 20+ International Official titles, which is a world record.
Expectations: Personally I think we can expect to see those Suarez pearly whites and frankly if this man does not get a red card for biting when it happens we KNOW it’s #rigged. Also considered an underdog, but with star players who compete on impressive teams, we shouldn’t discount the Biters just yet. Coach hopes for them to mature by 2022, so this could be a “test year” for young players
GROUP A PREDICTIONS: This is considered the weakest group of the draw. Uruguay is pretty much set to take first in the group; the big battle will be over second. As hosts, Russia really wants to make it out of the group. Both Russia & Egypt will be looking to snag a win vs. the Saudis, and draw with everyone else. Obvi we are #TeamEgypt bc Mo, also bc they would then have potential to play Spain and Mo could dislocate Sergio Ramos’ shoulder as SWEET REVENGE. Additionally, they didn’t concede more than one goal per game, showing their solid defense which is key to upsets. #Mustseematch of the group will be Egypt vs Russia as two teams try to make their name. ((Thursday June 19th 11am EST)).
GROUP B
Spain (8th)
Qualification: Won their group in EURO Qualifying
Coach: FAM I AM SO SHOOK THEY FIRED THEIR COACH ON WORLD CUP EVE Julien Loptegui (ex-coach!!!!!) took the Real Madrid Job AND THEY FIRED HIM WHAT
MAJOR KEYS:
Sergio Ramos- THIS MAN IS DEAD TO US. PROSTITUTE!! WHORE!!! YOU WERE ENGAGED 19 TIMES!?!?!? *flips table* (if you don’t get that reference you might want to head here) No but really this is the EVIL MAN who intentionally hurt Mo. Captain of the squad and a key player. He also claims that Mo was “not that injured” and could have played on...ummm ok let’s see you play with a dislocated shoulder. ((really though, let’s hope someone dislocates his shoulder #TalkSh*tGetHit))
David Villa- Top scorer for the squad. Pretty bad haircut. Plays for a U.S. Team (Classic thing to do nowadays is to fake-retire to the US and make money while not having to actually play hard because MLS is some JV sh*t. Ben and I saw him score 3x for NYCFC).
Iago Aspas- A big hotshot of offensive play, makes great goals, clearly a villian ((look @ his name!!!))
Andres Iniesta - Legendary Barcelona midfielder who is on his One Last Job. To win Spain the world cup. Arguably one of the most creative midfielder players of all time
David De Gea - Manchester United goalie, has really carried them last few seasons because they suck but he is great. One of the best goalies in the world!
Nicknames: La Roja /La Furia Roja
World Cup Street Cred/History:Definitely a dominant force on the world stage- they had a 35 game winning streak in 2006-2009, broken by the U.S. World Cup winners in 2010 but didn’t even make it out of the group stage in 2014. They’ve won EURO 3x and Olympic Gold 1x ((in Barcelona; #RIGGED)). What you really need to know about this squad is they play in the “tiki-taka” style, meaning they use TEAM UNITY and a comprehensive understanding of the pitch to effectively move the ball where they want. This ends up meaning a lot of short, effective passes, that works well with their small but technically-skilled midfielders like Iniesta and Silva. (side note are we going to talk about the name for this style or no? No? Ok then moving on)
Expectations: ok is Spain as good as 2010? No. Are they still hot sh*t?? Yes. Definitely a contender to go #AllTheWay BUT they are not allowed to win because Elena has bet someone $2 that they won’t and that is money she can’t afford to lose!!!! Also like we do not root for VILLAINS
Portugal (4th)
Qualification: Narrowly won their Group in qualifying based on goal difference.
Coach: Fernando SANTOS- Former coach of Greek national team, led them to the Ocho (ESPN 8 the Ocho) of EURO 2012 and the Round of 16 in 2014 Cup. Then Portugal was like I want in on that sh*t and snatched him, which worked out pretty well in EURO 2016.
MAJOR KEYS:
Cristiano Ronaldo- the David Beckham of our time in terms of hotness/greatness ratio. Drama queen & player for Real Madrid, “one of the greatest footballers in history”, says FIFA, who’s got their head so far up his butt they awarded him best male player 2 years in a row. If you’re overwhelmed by his beauty, imagine if he looked like that bust they made of him. (also sometimes he does fun hairstyles like last cup he shaved stars into his head! But currently he has frosted tips which is a really questionable decision; vaguely channelling JT in his ramen-hair N*SYNC days)
OTHER KEYS: Bernardo Silva, Bruno Fernandes, Gelson Martins, Goncalo Guedes, & Ruben Dias as highlighted by this articleNicknames: The Navigators
World Cup Street Cred/History:Hot shots in EURO, they are missing a lil sumthin from their trophy case. They’ve had 6 strong World Cup appearances, making it to the semis twice, and placing 3rd once (1966). They won EURO 2016 ((by beating france but we’re not talking about it)) (also won even without Ronaldo who got injured in the second half and was taken off the pitch sobbing)((like the whiny lil baby he is!)) and placed 3rd in the Confederations Cup of 2017. After the 2014 Cup, Ronaldo sold out his fam and said Portugal “wasn’t a top team”. Are they now? Probs not.
Expectations: Bookkeepers haven’t given them good odds, but one can never count out Ronaldo!! Plus this could be one of his last shots, since he’s the ripe old age of 32. And don’t forget their Euro 2016 win (*sniff sniff*). Exiting the group might still be a challenge for them though.
Morocco (42nd)
Qualification: topped group in African qualifying ((beating Ivory Coast, who’ve been to last 2 Cups))
Coach: Hervé RENARD -ok so this dude is SMOKIN hot. A h•ckin FOX (explains the last name). Formerly coached Gambia, Ivory Coast (side note Elena keeps writing Ivory Coast when the official name is Côte d’Ivoire!!) & Angola. French-born. First coach to win CAF with different countries.
MAJOR KEYS: Interestingly, much of the team was born abroad; see this article for deets.
Medhi Benatia- he doesn’t dance now, he makes what the FIFA website refers to as “big money moves”, playing for marquee names like Bayern Munich and Juventus. Center half, one of the best defenders in Afrique. And he’s the captain to boot.
Achraf Hakimi Mouh- defender, plays for Real Madrid (who just won Champions League for the 3rd straight year). Born in Spain, raised in Spain, plays for Spain, they still call him Moroccan.
Nicknames: Lions of the Atlas/Atlas Lions (it’s weird but we also like?)
World Cup Street Cred/History: It’s been 20 years since fam has been to the World Cup . They’ve never made it very far, at best the Round of 16 in 1986. They won the Africa Cup of Nations in 2018 though, so they are coming off that high. I don’t have any other history because the wiki just has section titles so you can I guess choose your own adventure based on the following: 2004-2014: Repeated Disappointments. 2014-2016: Advancement of the New. 2016-Now: Return to the Top
Expectations: Number one thing I expect, not enough footage of my fav French Fox, bet they’ll mostly film the actual gameplay *eyeroll*. A Team To Watch because they MIGHT be hosting the cup in 2026 ((either them or the U.S and Hope Solo and I will be Actively Rooting Against the U.S. despite concerns Morocco’s cup “could spell out World Cup disaster”)). Other than that they’re unlikely to get too far thanks to their tough group placement. Their gameplay will involve an “exciting brand of football based on solid defending and fast attacking tempo”.
Iran TEAR UP THE DEAL TEAR IT UP TERRIBLE FOR AMERICA!! Haha jk now Iran is free to make nukes everyone b nice to this team plz!! (36th)
Qualification: Punched their ticket in June of 2016, first of AFC to do so (beat the Uzbeks)
Coach: Carlos Quieras-((last name sounds like queer eye happy pride!) Looks like a politician. Has butt-loads of experience from coaching Portugal. 3rd Cup as a coach, 2nd with Iran. He oversaw the “near flawless” qualifying campaign for this Cup. Was going to retire in 2014, but stayed for the Cup.
MAJOR KEYS:
Sador Azman- “heir to goal-scoring icon Ali Daej” (Iran no one knows or cares who that is). Poster boy for the team, described as “silky skilled”. Plays in a Russia CLUB (are you KIDDING me this is sketchy AF!)((The nastiest skank bitch I’ve ever met. DO NOT TRUST HIM. He is a fugly slut!))
Mendi Taremi- 25, cutie. Plays in Qatar (spying for the next Cup?)((so many SPIES @FBI #crooked))
Nicknames: Commonly, they’re “Team Melli” ((literally: The National Team )) (Also how are we going to tell them apart from The National Team- Russia?) AKA Persian Stars ( better) AKA Iranian Lions (ok ok now we’re talking) AKA The Cheetahs (ok you cannot be both lion and cheetah I do not make the rules I am just pointing out) AKA Princes of Persia (yes ok winner stop brainstorming now)
World Cup Street Cred/History: Rivalry with South Korea. Basically Iran and SK were the only Asian teams worth mentioning for all of the 60’s and 70’s. Iran has won some AFC titles but the REAL interesting part is their political involvement. They were suspended from FIFA in 2006 for corruption and government interference. Several players wore Green wristbands to support the Green Movement in 2010 ((Arab Spring! Topical!)) and then AFTER several of them “retired”. Where was the suspension for government interference THEN huh?! Sus as H*CK
Expectations: Winless in 2017, Iran is looking to make it to the knockout stage. Coach Queiroz said that “Iran will not go to Russia as tourists” um ok? ((Dang because there is just so much to see!)) They’re really trying to make a fight for second, and with stronger forwards than before, they could!
GROUP B EXPECTATIONS: Once again, the battle for second in this group is going to be tough. Most outlets want Portugal, but everything will depend on how bad Spain beats them. That makes their matchup ((Friday, June 15th @ 2pm EST)) a #mustseematch. Morocco and Iran will be coming at Porto with all they got, vying to advance.
GROUP C
France (7th) ALLEZ LES BLEUS THIS IS OUR TEAM FAM!
Qualification: Top of Group A in Euro qualifying, ahead of Sweden/Netherlands.
Coach: Didier Deschamps ((yes, he is very French)) Homie is an OG form 1998 squad. Coached at Monaco (which consistently finishes at the top of La Ligue) & Juventus. Some criticize his coaching style as “boring” um it’s called TRADITION we’re good for a reason let’s not mess with a good thing.
MAJOR KEYS: important article!
Antoine Griezmann- forward aka Bae. SA-WOOOOON. Sadly he’s with someone and has a kid but whatever. Player of the cup Euro 2016. Scored 4x in qualifying. Plays for Atletico Madrid(helped them win in the Euro final vs Olympique Marseille RIP Thibault’s dreams) Also recently had a scandal where he dressed up in blackface as an NBA player at a costume party! (Don’t worry the ‘98 World Cup win proved racism is dead probably!)
Hugo Lloris- Captain, goalkeeper,Plays for Tottenham (COME ON YOU SPURS), a hottie who “commands the box well”
Paul Pogba- Baller midfielder. Plays for Manchester United (basically the Yankees of British football)
Kylian Mbappé- forward. according to Michael ((Elena’s lifeguard friend who follows soccer but is wrongly rooting for England)) he is “good AF” (censored for our younger readers!!) Plays for PSG and is only 19! Won La Ligue for Monaco then got transferred to PSG ((bc they realized they was sleeping on him)) for 180 MIL so yeah he’s a baller and is expected to keep getting better
Olivier Giroud- our eurotrash BAE. (better without the full beard though) Used to play for Arsenal, now for Chelsea. Is often criticized for being slow and not super technical, but he scores so shut it.
N’Golo Kante - Lil bb, big heart. Won player of the year in the Premier League 2017 which is crazy bc he’s a defensive midfielder, not a flashy player. He has been the heart & soul of the Leicester City team that won the championship a few years ago, and the Chelsea team that won last year. Nicknames: Les Bleus ((FIERS D’ÊTRE BLEUS FAM also watch the netflix doc with this title!!!))
World Cup Street Cred/History: Les Bleus have made 14 Cup appearances so this is NOT their first rodeo fam (have only failed to qualify 3x ever). They were at the OG in 1930 and won while hosting in 1998. The team was very ethnically diverse in the past and was known as the “black, blanc beur” team (it’s a play on the French national colors/a cheer which is “bleu, blanc rouge” and means, black, white and brown/arab). Controversy around the ethnic players- Jean Marie le Pen uses black blanc beur as an insult; rumors about a citizenship quota of 30% being put in place caused big scandal ((they ALSO had a nat’l anthem scandal!)) Team included Zidane, player from Marseille who has gone on to coach Real Madrid to 3 Champions League victories (he just quit but basically said the only other team he will ever coach is the French national team so stay tuned in 2022?) Anyways, they won in ‘98, it was seen as a huge victory that unified the country and demonstrated the success of multicultural France and that ended racism probably! Please do not forget that France just hosted EURO 2016 and sadly were runner up to Portugal (h*ck Ronaldo!). They want REVENGE!
Expectations: France *should* easily advance out of the group stage even with a challenging group like this one. Bookkeepers have given them an outside chance of winning, but on the other hand, the team has also been described as “young, vibrant, packed with flair and eye-catching”. They are known for “devastating counter attacks” BUT also for “lapses in concentration”.
To support: A few chants from the Euro Cup to learn!
Australia (40th)
Qualification- 31st team to qualify ((of 32)), defeating Honduras in the interconfed playoffs
Coach: Bert Van Marwijk-un peu de drama! Team qualified in Nov. for the cup, then coach Ange Postagio RESIGNED right after. So this guy is BRANDY NEW since Jan, but not shy of Cup experience, having led Netherlands (his home country obvi, look at that random ass J in his name) to the 2010 Final. Came straight from helping Saudi qualify for this Cup, so he has a few horses in this race. Will be leaving right after the Cup. Literally 0 need to commit to this team on his part?
MAJOR KEYS:
Tim Cahill- Like Perito Gals, wines, and cheese, he’s getting better with age. Netted 11 goals on the #RoadToRussia. If he scores in the tournament, he will be one of few to score at 4 Cups.
Nickname: THE SOCCEROOS!! ( they win no contest) ((how do people take this country seriously))
World Cup Street Cred/History: The main thing to know is that Australia actually does not exist and is a conspiracy! I appreciate their commitment to the bit by fielding a World Cup team to make us think they are a real country!! The only national team to hold titles from multiple confederations ((because sometimes Australia pretends it’s OFC)). World cup history is nothing to write home about: 4 qualifications, 1 Round of 16 finish.
Expectations: Main players from Brazil 2014 are returning which is excellent for Australia’s newbies.
Peru (11th)
Qualification: Beat New Zealand in intercontinental playoffs ((sliding in all sneaky like))
Coach: Ricardo Gareca- From Argentina, became coach in 2015. Nicknamed ~El Tigre~ and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know idk we can’t help you, you might wanna leave.
MAJOR KEYS:
Edison Flores: forward, good long range aim. Scored a bunch in qualifying (peep match vs Ecuador)
Paolo Guerrero- Captain. Put on the squad INSTEAD of ol’ faithful Sergio Pena despite the fact that he was under a 14-month doping ban! They’ve temporarily lifted the ban because I guess there are no consequences for testing positive for a cocaine byproduct contained in a tea ((which he said he “ingested unknowingly” yeah ok #trustnobitch))
Nickname: Le Blanquirroja (“The white and red” omg just like Branford!!)
World Cup Street Cred/History: Peru hasn’t been here in 36 YEARS. They suffer big time from the fact that South America is an incredibly competitive confederation AND they only get 3.5 World Cup spots. They have been inconsistent in terms of their success: good times in the 30’s and the 70’s ((when they were ~RECOGNIZED~ for their skills)). Their rivals are Ecuador and Chile ((Chile rivalry is referred to as the Pacific Derby)). They also got some #badboyz history, aka big corruption issues. They were suspended by FIFA in 2008 from all international play. But just like if your mom forbids you from dating the bad boy, the suspension just makes us love Peru more.
Expectations: The team has only conceded 7 goals in 8 matches in 2017, so it shows they are good on defense. They are often overlooked, but should show some interesting plays.
Denmark (12th)
Qualification: booked their spot with a 5-1 playoff win over Ireland, 2nd in Group E
Coach: Age Hareide- big shoes to fill, succeeding Morten Olsen who was the longest running coach for the Danes. A Nord by birth (not sure if that’s what you call Norwegians but it is now) he played defense for them and coached them nationally previously.
MAJOR KEYS:
Christian Eriksen- Scored a hat trick vs Ireland and is in “inspired form” ((on & off the field)). 11 goals in qualifying. Possibly a break-out star. Plays for Tottenham in Harry Kane’s shadow.
William Kvist- Vice Captain (not a thing but nice try). Midfielder. Plays for Copenhagen.
NIcknames- De Rod-Hvide,“The Red-White” (Sorry guys it’s been done? By BHS?) / DANISH DYNAMITE (OH H*CK YEAH!)
World Cup Street Cred/History: Squad missed out on Brazil . This will be their 5th World Cup. Just like most of us, Denmark thrived in the 90’s, winning EURO in ‘92 and confederations cup in ‘95. Solid competitive showing for the past 30 years or so, they’re pretty middle of the road.
Expectations: They’ve had some solid victories recently (4-0 vs top-seed Poland @ home 5-1 vs Ireland in Playoffs) both of which have highlighted the skills of Christian Erikensen. If he’s on point, Denmark might have a good chance of advancing. They’ve been rapidly improving and are really aiming for second place in the group.
GROUP C EXPECTATIONS: Considered one of the tougher groups. Not the WORST but not great. France should be able to sortir from the group stages without too much trouble. As for the other spot for advancement….Bonne chance!!! Denmark vs Peru ((Saturday June 16th 12pm EST)) is a #mustseematch due to their close rankings.
GROUP D
((Don’t Cry for Me)) Argentina (5th)
Qualification: Finished 3rd overall in qualification, making it to the cup on the final match day of the round robin. But let me tell y’all, qualifying was a ROLLERCOASTER.
Coach: Jorge Sampaoli- Hometown hero who coached Chile in the past. His brand is high tempo, pressing football ((look! Look with your special eyes!!))(MY BRAND) 3rd coach of the team in their tumultuous qualifying campaign.
MAJOR KEYS:
Lionel Messi- A baller ((as the all-time leading goal scorer)) and a shot caller ((as captain)) he carries this team. Scored a hat trick vs. Ecuador in qualifiers, voted FIFA Player of the year 5x ((tbh Ronaldo pales in comparison)) He plays for Barça in La Liga
Sergio Aguero - Long time baller for Premier League giants Manchester City. He scored one of the most famous recent premier league goals when he score with 40sec left in the last game of the season to WIN THE FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP FOR HIS TEAM SINCE 1968
Paulo Dybala - Another top forward, for Italian giant Juventus. Dubious celebration and hair style, but he scores many goals.Nicknames: La Albiceleste, La Celeste y Blanca ((Ok guys WE GET IT there is a SUN on YOUR FLAG))
World Cup Street Cred/History: They are NO STRANGER to glory, be it at the World cup of in their confederation. They’ve made 5 semifinals, 5 finals, won the World Cup 2x. Won Copa America 14x and Olympic Gold 2x. Rivals with any big team- Brazil, Germany, Uruguay, even England.
Expectations: Runners-up in 2014, they barely made it this time around. But they have Messi! (basically trumps all arguments). Some of their key players besides Messi have not been great lately.
Iceland (22nd)
Qualification: Won their group in qualifying rounds
Coach: Hemir Hallgrimsson (weird bc their huge church is called Halgrimksa). Homie was a DENTIST. Went from co-coach to coach and is behind their unprecedented recent success ((peep: Euro 2016 where they UPSET ENGLAND I’m not over it!))
MAJOR KEYS:
Gyefi Sigurdsson- in typical Icelandic fashion, this man is BEAU AF. He’s their lucky talisman and baller of the year 5 years running. Scored 4x in qualifying and 4 assists
Aron Gunnarson- probs a secret Viking. Team captain who plays for Cardiff. A strong team leader.
Nickname: Strákánir Okkar (“Our Boys” 2 cute)
World Cup Street Cred/History: * feels like the first time!* *because it is!!* #justhappytobehere! Rising to recent success, Iceland is DEF a team to watch. Almost made the Cup in 2014 but were thwarted by a loss to Croatia ( my two fav vacations face off!) ((coincidentally both sister trips just saying!!!)). Tbh those two are not official rivals but they might as well be!!! Showed their promise in Euro 2016, with a Cinderella run to the quarter finals (losing to France ALLEZ LES BLEUS!!!!!) You may recall adorable videos of all 100 people in Iceland watching the match and doing their “thunder clap” cheer.
Expectations: “This is a team of giant-killers”. While expecting success from such a young team might be a bit overly optimistic, we should not forget the power of BELIEF!!! (re: Euro 2016!!)
Croatia (8th)
Qualification: 4-1 win over Greece to qualify. Finishing just behind Iceland in Group I
Coach: Zlatko Palic- Brand new as of Oct 2017, previously coached in UAE club and led them to AFC Champions League final ((and no I didn’t know that UAE counted as Asia))
Major Keys: Luca Modric-Captain “one of the best midfielders ever”. Plays for Real Madrid
Nikola: Kainic- Scored the goal that got them here! Plays for Milan, a striker (Lol I read that as stinker at first!!) and has scored 15 goals for the team
Nicknames: Vatrem (“the Blazers”) ((hahahahah 4/20 blaze it))
World Cup Street Cred/History: Hot ‘n fresh out the kitchen post-Baltic wars, they’re a relatively new country. They have sweet-ass checkered unis; points for originality. When admitted to FIFA, they ranked 125th. Five years later (1998) they rose to 3rd making them the most volatile team EVER! Fierce (politically motivated) rivalry with Serbia (who tbh are the bad guys however Croatia is NOT blameless in those wars which is what they would like you to believe; also Serbian is basically the same language as Croatian but w/ Cyrillic. Elena and I went there and honestly tried to learn so much about this war and there is NO unbiased information available! Tensions are still high I guess). Keep butting heads with Iceland. Tried 6 times to qualify for Cup, qualified 4x. Not so much experience (since they are a new-ish country). First cup was 1998 (The Year of Les Bleus).
Expectations: Officially “underdogs”, this team boasts serious talent. Would NOT be shook if they made a surprise run. NOTE! Iceland beat them in qualifying so that match is going to be INTENSE.
Nigeria (47th)
Qualification- first team from Africa to qualify with a game to spare
Coach: Gemot Rohr- He’s one of the most experienced African coaches w/ stints in Gabon, Niger and Burkina Faso. Revived Nigerian fortunes in 2016. German born.
MAJOR KEYS:
John Olomikel- Captain. A champion’s league winner, plays for Chelsea. Known for composure
Victor Moses- plays for Chelsea, 11 goals for Nigeria
World Cup Street Cred/History: Nigeria holds the record for highest ranking of an African Squad (5th in 1994). Only African team to qualify back to back for 2014 and 2018 Cups. They do pretty well in African competitions, but have a tough time turning it up on the world stage.
Expectations: When they’re on, they’re on (4-0 vs Cameroon), but they aren’t always on . If they get it together, they could challenge for the 2nd place group slot, but given the tough competition and Iceland-Croatia rivalry ((Which we might have made up)), it’s by no means a given
GROUP D EXPECTATIONS: Historically, Argentina SHOULD have this on lock but they’ve been so unreliable lately we could be in for an upset. In the battle for second, we gotta root for Our Boys (aka Iceland). Their battle with frequent foe Croatia is the #mustseematch of the group ((Tuesday, June 26th, 2pm EST)). (This article predicts Argentina and Nigeria, but honestly I really don’t think you can bet against literal Vikings.)((Also like I do not think Nigeria will beat Croatia? Idk prove me wrong I guess fam. This is my favorite group to watch because every matchup has potential.))
