When the Night Falls, My Cause My Cleats Calls

It really is the most wonderful time of the year everyone! Of course I am referring to Week 13 of the NFL season, where the league relinquishes its sadistic control over uniforms and allows players to wear whatever dang shoes they want: all in the name of charity. Is this a distraction technique, to make us forget about the absolutely atrocious injuries players sustain while doing this sport? Maybe! Does it work? Definitely! I don’t care if I hate football, I love these dumb lil sneakers with drawings on them, I love watching a 22 year old talk about his struggle with dyslexia and how he’s using his platform to help other kids, I love the craftsmanship, I love it all!!!!!! Featuring our faves below, but also, I guess, we can talk about football.

The Games (We truly watched none!)

(to be fair i was flying across 2 oceans but sure)

Bills 24 - Patriots 10: A classic ol divisional showdown, you may remember last year how the bills absolutely STOMPED the Patriots? We did it again!

Packers 28 - Bears 19: An age ol rivalry game, Aaron Rodgers loves to beat the Bears.

Steelers 19 - Falcons 16: The NFC South is an embarrassment.

Br*wns 27 - Texans 14: Fuck Deshaun Watson, Today and Always, Forever and Ever, Amen.

Lions 40 - Jaguars 14: Oh heck yeah Detroit go off have a day!!! I mean, beating the Jaguars isn’t hard but whatever!

Eagles 35 - Titans 10: This was called the A J Brown REVENGE GAME because the Titans (very foolishly, against the coach’s wishes) traded him away. And he did in fact make them regret that decision! Tennessee then fired their GM which, imho, bodes poorly. You can’t get anywhere if your house ain’t in order, is all I’d like to say.

Commanders 20 - Giants 20: AND PEOPLE DON’T LIKE THAT SOCCER CAN END IN A TIE!!!!! At least that futbol isn’t 3 hours long!!!!

Ravens 10 - Broncos 9: A hard fought win for Baltimore, but at WHAT COST? It seems the injury curse has finally come for the crown jewel- Lamar Jackson was sacrificed on Sunday and sprained his PCL (I guess that’s in your knee? How does this sport keep inventing new body parts to break esp in the knee area??), which does not bode incredibly well for an already decimated Ravens team.

Bengals 27 - Chiefs 24: A rematch from last year’s AFC title game that ended in the exact same score- but this time, the Bengals played even better somehow! Joe Burrow reminded us that he’s got WHEELS, and he has learned how to pass fast (avoid the sack bb!), and did we mention he has some of the best offensive weapons in the league? I’ll say it- the Bengals look good, they’ve grown into the season, and much like in the World Cup, it’s about GROWTH bc this is a MARATHON.

Vikings 27 - Jets 22: The Vikings are gosh darn lucky. They’ve won nine games by a single score this season- a streak that cannot go unbroken forever but is impressive nonetheless. I don’t think Kirk Cousins has a ton to do with it (it’s mostly Justin Jefferson), but he’s not getting in the way, and that counts!

49ers 33 - Dolphins 17: Mentor-Mentee battle alert! Miami Coach Josh McDaniels returned to the Levi’s Stadium to prove to his dad (and former boss, Kyle Shanahan) that he is an ADULT now!!! Sadly, things didn’t go his way. Tua just wasn’t his best, the Dolphins couldn’t get it done under pressure (although, granted, the SF defense is pretty freakin incredible and their Defensive coordinator should 100% be a head coach by now). Even more sadly, things went NONE of our ways when Jimmy G suffered a foot injury that could have him sidelined for 7-8 weeks (initially they said it was season ending, but now it looks like he won’t need surgery, grazie a dio). People have been saying this niners team has enough talent to go all the way (!!!) but with a former Mr. Irrelevant (final pick of the draft, which is not a nickname we came up with, because it’s mean!) as their current QB… stay tuned I guess!

Seahawks 27 - Rams 23: Ok in my two weeks of not paying ANY attention to the footboob apparently Rams QB Matthew Stafford got a neck injury! So they’ve been playing with a back up, who sucks- see: this loss! But then in a TWIST, the Rams went out and snagged Baker Mayfield (who was released by the Panthers this past week, a failed experiment over there). Unclear who they’ll start on Thursday (No way Baker is smart enough to learn an entire playbook in 2 days), but they gotta turn this sinking ship around ASAP.

Raiders 27 - Chargers 20: I said before the Vikings have been lucky- both of these teams have not, but especially not the Raiders. Granted, I am not going to make many excuses for a team that blew several double digit leads, but sometimes it does come down to luck, and it looks like their luck is changing.

Cowboys 54 - Colts 19: If this was an attempt by the Cowboys too woo Odell Beckham Jr…it’s working. Shoutout to the colts for keeping this one very competitive for three quarters, but Dallas went OFF in the final 15, scoring 33 points. INSANE. Ceedee Lamb had himself a DAY, as did all the other incredibly talented parts of this offense. This is a good looking team, and adding OBJ might just seal their super bowl aspirations.

Bucs 17- Saints 16: Pain. Pure Agony. I truly hate it here. With 3 minutes left, the Saints led by 13 points. Then Coach Dummy McDumbface blew a play call on 3rd & 1, Tom Brady got the ball, and if any of you learn anything from this blog it should be DO NOT LET TOM BRADY GET THE BALL AT THE END OF THE GAME. Something in that man changes when the clock strikes 2 (minutes remaining). Like a werewolf activated by a full moon, the two minute drill puts that DOG in this old man QB. And then we lost.

But at least there were fun shoes!!!!

Vote for your fav in the comments!