You Can’t Spell Sausage without USA
Yeah, you read that right. What can I say? It’s CORNHOLE CHAMPS BABY, it brings out the frat star in us all. Thursday Night Football, move on over.
I can see your face right now. Just when I was thinking maybe these girls knew a thing or two, this blog went off the rails. Well, jokes on you, this blog was never ON the rails. But, okay, indulge me for a minute. Remember back into the early days of Covid, March 20th, when sports were but a misty memory. The Bundesliga hadn’t come back, NBA was down, we were still mourning the loss of March Madness… and then, we turn on the TV. And…. like a beautiful mirage straight out of the storied halls of Espn 8 the Ocho…. emerged :the CORNHOLE COLLEGIATE CHAMPIONSHIPS.
I, like most of you, assumed that cornhole was, at best, a beach game with the fam, and at worst, a hazing activity for pledges at frat houses. Well, was I ever wrong. This is not a GAME folks. This is a SPORT. This is a WAY OF LIFE.
Through my avid following of cornhole, I have learned a few things that I’ll share with those of you new to this riveting sport :
The American Cornhole Association is so focused on the sport that the “About” page is literally just …a Wikipedia screenshot? They don’t have time to EXPLAIN to you! They’re honing their skills!
The term “woody” is an actual official term used during the sport (Refers to any cornhole bag that has been pitched and remains on the cornhole board playing surface at the conclusion of the frame. Each woody is 1pt.) Please contain your sophomoric giggles, this is serious business.
There’s both singles and doubles cornhole. While singles is of course quite cutthroat, doubles is really where the action is, as you see pasty white men shouting encouragement at each other in the most definitely straight way possible.
Like in most sports, women’s cornhole is woefully underrated!
The Venn Diagram of cornhole players and people who wear their masks below their nose (incorrectly) is a circle.
The commentators from Dodgeball have found a new gig, and it’s Cornhole. It is truly a delight to listen to them bemoan the “slippery conditions” (it is played indoors???)
Johnsonville USA is a major sponsor of cornhole event, because you can’t spell Sausage without USA Cornhole.
In conclusion, it may not be the most glamorous sport. It may not get the airtime the NFL does. But last time I checked, no cornhole players tore an ACL in a gnarly toss, so if you get tired of the gruesome gameplay, this is the sport for you.
Pictured here: ACO training drills. Few athletes can measure up.
