All My Girls Get Down (Under): WOMEN’S WORLD CUP PART 1
*rubs eyes* *does a big stretch* *looks at alarm clock* *JUMPS UP IN PANIC* OH NAUR WE FORGOT ABOUT THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP *Insert theme song to a 90s sitcom about a teenager whose parents simply do NOT get her riiight here*
Ok actually just kidding we could never forget about the WWC because, as women, we are actually programmed with an internal biological clock that goes off every 4 years like a bomb (or something like that, idk, the Oppenheimer marketing is getting to me). However it does really feel like this world cup snuck up on us because 1) it low key has??? Not having a full year between the men’s (which happened in december if you forgot) = not given us full time to recover from our soccer bender and 2) they literally started promo for it I kid you not 2 weeks ago (FOX sports will advertise a bass fishing competition before hyping up women….for why my friends) and 3) one of us is job search (hmu) and that same one of us had some tech issues (our IT department is on strike) so! Idk read fast and slam on the breaks life comes at you fast and our world cup coverage is coming at you faster! However, the terrible news is…. This cup is being held….. DOWN UNDER in Australia and New Zealand. And if that information made you go “ Awr nAwr”, well, you’re not alone. Unfortunately games are going to be at absolute ASS times…. They’re 16-17 hours ahead of us. I know. It’s like, is this FOR REAL??? Would this ever happen with the men’s cup?? NO! (I mean they did have one in russia that was like 11 hours ahead but that extra 6 hours is really killer).
Much like for the men’s tourney there is a lot to break down such as “I didn’t know women were allowed to play soccer” (hint: in the country the men held their world cup, they’re basically not!) and “will Kiera Knightly be there in a sports bra & headband with a hot Irish coach” (more on that later) and we are here to answer ALL YOUR QUESTIONS we promise. We may have sleepy hollowed a little too hard on the timing of these blogs but what we lack in a proper publishing calendar we make up for in niche knowledge and a whole lot of love for the game and isn’t that why we’re all here? No? We’re here to win? Ok let’s get into it!
We’re going to hit you with THREE world cup posts- this first one where we set the scene, then the first 4 groups and then the last 4 groups. If you say “that’s a lot of reading” and “elena why do you keep using this bit with quotes”...tbh idk i’m rusty in the blogosphere ok sorry! We busted our butts to get you this content before the first games start this week - here’s hoping we can tune in for some!
The Nitty Gritty
As mentioned, this cup is taking place in JOINT HOST NATIONS Australia and New Zealand. Why did they pick to host it so far away from us? Unclear. In researching the locations for the WorldCcup, I found out there are some wack ass time zones down unda (there’s one that’s like a half hour???? Can y’all just be normal???), so buckle up because it WILL be brutal. For our US fans that means some early mornings (and if any of the beer companies out there would like to step it up, HERE is where we would plug why X is a perfect good morning beer. I have an opinion on this but refuse to give free ad space!)
If you don’t know the set ups of these tournaments by now: We start with groups (4 teams in a group, ya play everyone once, top two teams advance). The points systems for group rankings gets a little weedy, but essentially 2 wins should guarantee you’re getting out. Often it’s a battle for second, even more often you don’t want to get second because of the power house that will await you in the next round. All that starts July 20th (AH THAT’S THURSDAY) and continues through August 3rd. From there it’s classic tourney single elims baby, win or go home (on a very long flight for most of us!!!) The Final takes place August 20th. Mark your calendars start your engines!
A past version of ourselves would have given you a spiel about the (not that long) and (not that storied) history of the women’s world cup, but in today’s day (two days before the world cup) and age (one of us just had a birthday and is not feeling great about the prospect of aging), WHO HAS THE TIME. If you’re dying to know about every world cup that’s ever been, we covered it before here. If you’re not, well, take note that the US of Damn A is the best in the game and everywhere else it’s just Tuesday. We also didn’t have time to read up on Australia & New Zealand before this but all you really need to know about them we will cover in the team section (and if you hear someone speak and it sounds like their vowels are every vowel being used simultaneously…run)
The Controversies
Do y’all think we’re ever going to get to write a sports post without having to do background info on the shitty things surrounding the games? At this point we’re thinking probably not! On the one hand, shout out to the Women’s game for choosing not to host their world cup in a country that is actively committing human rights violations (I mean, beside their atrocious accents). On that same hand, shout out to FIFA (something we do! Not! Say! often!) for making strides in the last few years to increase the prize money for the women’s side of the game and readjusting the payout structure so that money goes directly to players (and not, say, to their federations), on the OTHER HAND, fam, do you know how fucking hard it is to find coverage on this shit?!?!!?!? Let’s put aside the fact that there wasn’t nearly enough hype (there never is), the fact that the NWSL is just like… continuing their season while this cup happens (it’s not so much that I blame them because having worked in sports broadcasting I am aware that the windows given to women’s sports are thin and rare and the NWSL can’t do what European soccer did this past year and just take a month off for the world cup but like… come on y’all), and just look at informational access. Earlier this week, this tweet made the rounds on soccer twitter:
Marta is maybe THE most famous living legend in the women’s game (and low key in all the game) and Nike (who have been putting out some FIRE ads for this cup and are one of the largest kit sponsors across the board) DOESN’T HAVE HER JERSEY AVAILABLE ANYWHERE. This is like if you couldn’t find a Messi jersey- not because it’s sold out, they just like…didn’t make them.
Now, the OTHER big controversy is that despite FIFA making an effort to level the PAYING field (see what I did there), and some teams (cough, USA, cough) getting BIG WINS in terms of equal pay (slay queens get that bag etc etc), pretty much everyone else is in a fight with their federation. Canada, for example, is on paper an incredibly talented squad (reigning Olympic Champions) , but they have been bogged down for the last few years by the ongoing struggle for equal recognition from their nation’s governing body of soccer-- their federation is LITERALLY not paying them. That’s effed up! The Reggae Girlz (JAMAICA’S SWEETHEARTS baby never forget the One Love we felt for them last time and also the fact that Bob Marley’s daughter is a financial backer of the team!!!!) are in a similar fight with their federation (they crowdfunded their way here I am cryingggggg) , as is Brazil, and England. This isn’t just about equal pay, it’s about the ability to play this sport on a professional level: by not giving these women the financial support they need, they cannot commit their time and efforts to the game they love, creating a vicious cycle of instability in women’s soccer around the world (this happens in most women’s sports, for instance, this is why a lot of WBNA players also play in Russia to supplement their income… leading to bad stuff like, you know getting arrested for having a vape). Only 40% of the players who participated in the confederation championships (aka the qualifiers for this) are professional athletes.
THEN, and this is the last bit we promise before we move to the fun stuff, but there are all of the next level issues that stem from the inherent sexism & inequality that have corrupted the bedrock of this sport internationally. The French players demanded their coach be ousted to protect mental health(and suceeded! more on that later), Spanish players boycotted their coach, Haiti reinstated a federation head who had been banned due to SA Allegations (and a similar case in Zambia) and the Colombian team excluded outspoken players, essentially blacklisting them. I am in no way going to stand here and argue the men’s game does not have its fair share of issues. But if these athletes were taken seriously by the federations and by the world around them, if they were treated like the professionals at the top of their game in the same way their male counterparts are, I sincerely doubt we would be spending our intro post telling you about teams on strike (South Africa, which now that I write it out kind of sounds like SAG-AFRA….coincidence?).
We are, I promise, not here to be downers. Which IS exactly what we claimed at the end of the controversies section during the men’s world cup. The women’s game has come VERY far in our lifetimes and specifically in the last ten years. We are living in the greatest era of women’s soccer, and we are NOT overlooking that ( PLEASE SEE : AD ABOVE!!!), but it is key to keep in mind while watching these games that every single player on that field has worked their asses off to get there. Not only through a lifetime dedication to training and honing their craft, but off the pitch every single damn day demanding to be taken seriously. If you spend 5 minutes watching the world cup or you spend the entire next month glued to your tv at all hours of the night, remember that, and then be as fucking livid as we are that it is still so god damn hard for them.
Ok now tune BACK in here for the first 4 groups, games start thursday (but tbh who KNOWS what time ok we’ll let you know on the gram.
