High Fashion, High Socks: EURO Tournament Kit Rankings

Now that you know everything there is to know (or, at least, the highlights) of the teams and players in this summer’s EURO Tournament, we must turn our attention to the most important part: THE KITS. (You may be thinking: isn’t the football the important part? No. You can be here for the fits). Now, there are many solid uniforms in this world, and Europe, despite hosting fashion capital Milan within it’s borders, is rarely the top tier. I mean, the Nigerian kit is FREQUENTLY the highest selling national kit in the world. Win or lose, we all can agree that top slaps. But sadly Nigeria is NOT in Europe (although apparently Azerbaijan is, so idk Nigeria maybe throw your hat in the ring and see what happens, Europe is what you dream it can be) and so, for this tournament, we had to look elsewhere for trend setters. We won’t be featuring every uni, because, to be completely honest, some of y’all could be more creative (looking at you, England, with this polo shirt bullshit. BLUE ISN’T ONE OF YOUR COLORS). Instead, we picked our top ten, and will be ranking them.

10. Sweden (Away)

Loving the pin stripe here. Often Sweden steps out in a yellow so bright it physically pains me to watch them; that combined with the fact that they are all blonde makes the team essentially fluorescent, so I am really appreciating the use of navy to tone it down. I like that they tried to convince us they’re tough by using a pattern often associated with mobsters, it’s ok Sweden, we know you’re extremely polite but good try.

9.Slovakia (Home)

We! Love! A! Pattern! Is it camo? Is it waves? Is it abstract? Yes! For a team that doesn’t strike me a super interesting, their jerseys catch the eye. They also switched it up a little because NORMALLY white is their home color, but I think the switch to blue allows for more creativity and spices it up. Also, not to spoil the rest of this post, but something about a Nike kit just HITS DIFFERENT. They’re consistently creative and interesting uniforms.

8. North Macedonia (Home)

Alas this team has actually become a bit of a disappointment for me: When I first did research into these kits I found the left image, a spicy new take on the traditional look for this team that features the outline of a lynx (one of the two cats they claim as their mascot/nickname). I thought: Wow, fun! In my top 5 for sure! Well sad news, apparently I am the only North Macedonian fan to like that jersey, because upon releasing the three kit options, there was backlash and they reverted back to an older model. The current option is still fine, and features the SUN OF LIBERTY (a part of their flag), but I will miss the lynx. Meow.

7. Italy ( Home & Away)

The Azzuri brought their A Game to their jerseys, while not going TOO crazy. They stayed with their typical blue home and white away coloring, but then added this mosaic print that is…saucy, but it works? Now many teams are doing this subtle patterning thing, and tbh, it’s not working for most of them. But I’m loving it here, it’s giving me FLORENCE, it’s giving me MICHAELANGELO, it’s giving me RENAISSANCE, yes yes yes!

6. Netherlands (Home)

THE ORANJE! As we mentioned in our EURO Preview, we applaud the choice of the Netherlands to reject the red white and blue (again, they. are. over. done) in favor of a bright orange uni. Is orange the right color for everyone? No. But it’s bold, and we reward boldness. The further incorporation of… is that a lion??? (A Lion turtle perhaps?) Is even better. Keep raising the bar boys.

5. Croatia (Home & Away)

Did you really think the Blazers weren’t going to make our top ten? Yes, people tend to have strong feelings about the traditional checked Croatian jerseys, but we are brave enough to come out as PRO. These Checkerboard ass looking boys stay on the same theme year to year, which we love, they’re loyal to their flag (which, is sick!!!!), and they’re not afraid to look like a picnic blanket (who doesn’t love a picnic!!). The away kit shines as well here (modeled by Modrić, who is as usual misrepresenting proper headband use), with the nice detail of the checks changing in size, and the subdued effect of the black coloring.

4. Finland (Home)

This kit is CLEAN. The gold trim, the ombre of black to blue, and the obvious inspiration from the nation’s flag really make this top shine in its simplicity. It may seem like we’re contradicting ourselves, when we praise both simple and jazzy kits, but the truth is 1) we contain multitudes and 2) the personality of the nation must be accounted for. Finland is a nordic country, and so we know they are sort of plain and organized and neat, that’s what this kit reflects. The Eagle-Owls have used similar designs in the past, but they’ve definitely stepped it up style wise here. Also, it’s baby’s first Euro, they need to remind people which Scandavians they are, and what better way than being like, OUR FLAG IS THE WHITE WITH THE BLUE CROSS (not to be confused with the blue with yellow cross, or sky blue with red and white cross or the blue with the red cross of our neighbors!)

3. Ukraine

Everyone knows that the best outfit is the one that gets people TALKING. I mean, we STILL talk about Rihanna wearing this or J-Lo wearing this- if you want to be remembered, make a buzz baby! That’s the mentality Ukraine must have had making these uniforms, which caused political uproar by, who else? The Ruskis! Now I know you don’t come for a lesson in international affairs (you come for the hot takes, stay for the linguistics lessons, and leave when we start to talk about how hot the players are), but in case you missed it, to oversimplify: Russia and Ukraine have beef because Russia annexed Crimea (this has also been an issue in the other competition near and dear to our hearts, EUROVISION). Ukraine, and the international community were like, hey? Not cool guys? And things have been tense ever since. Well, this comes back into play here, on these uniforms that include an outline of Ukraine that includes Crimea. (obviously you knew that because you know exactly where Crimea is! like we all do)The shirt also says “Glory to Ukraine!” on the outside and “Glory to heroes!” on the inside, and if those sound like military propaganda phrases that’s cuz…they are! Ukraine truly is a messy bitch who lives for drama! Anyways UEFA mostly is staying out of it, but asked them to remove the latter slogan, because it is militaristic in nature. The whole incident is probs the biggest splash this team will make in the EUROs, and for that, they’re our third fave.

2. France (Both Home & Away)

As always, we WILL be accused of favoritism here, and while normally we will concede bias, in this case, the kits are just neat. France continues to incorporate traditional styles while keeping their kits fresh. In the World Cup we saw them feature these incredible Breton Marinière warm up jerseys; here we see them continue to embrace the traditional stripe, and still embody the effortless, simple, french style. I would rock this to a quick footie sesh with the lads for sure. The feature of the tricolore on the side of the away jersey is also a nice nod to the patriotism the éscouade inspires. Overall, they represent the country so well, they’re so fashionable, we had to put them as our no. 2 (even though this team is no.1 in our hearts).

1. Portugal (Away)

Y’all, far be it from me to root for the team that crushed France’s dreams of victory, but after seeing this man in this shirt I am…incredibly shook. I know what you’re thinking: Ronaldo is hot, so obviously the uniform looks great, but after being forced to watch him play in DISGUSTING black and white vertical stripes with Juventus, I can guarantee you, even this dude cannot pull everything off. This kit just WORKS: the light light teal background has great texture and adds a level of depth that a simple white would not. The soccer crest is featured, but not too obnoxiously, the font is streamlined yet legible, and the stripes have great detail. Sorry not sorry, this is our number one kit.