So You Think You Can (Big) Dance: 64 Teams, 1 Champion
One thing I absolutely would watch is a season of SYTYCD or I guess DWTS of only college basketball players. Then they could finally get paid! If you’re looking to make an unbeatable bracket, check out our next post, later this week. Here, we’re giving you takes on each team in the Tourney, a player to name so that you sound smart, and a semi-in-depth look at the Mascots who will probably determine who wins it all. FYI- auto bids come from winning a conference tournament, all other bids are “at large” meaning they’re just the rest of the spots up for grabs.
WELCOME TO MARCH MADNESS.
Who you won’t find here: Duke (eliminated from the ACC Tournament by COVID, missing the big dance for the first time since 1996!), Kentucky (boohoo), any Ivy leaguers (they didn’t have a season, but who’s laughing now?!?! Tbh still them it is reckless to put college athletes at risk for our entertainment!)
WEST
Gonzaga (auto bid) The Bulldogs aka The Zags- Gonzaga is ALWAYS out here grindin but yet that’s never paid off with a tournament win despite this being their 22nd appearance. The Zags suffer from a very lame conference and also being based in Spokane which sounds terrible. This year, it’s their tourney to lose (but will it be the same with out the FANFARE?? The NYT is having an existential crisis). They have a bunch of top players on the Player of the Year is (including Corey Kispert, Jalen Suggs, Drew Timme). You gotta watch Suggs who’s the real playmaker, but basically, this whole team is SOLID. They go into the Dance as an undefeated powerhouse, the No. 1 overall seed, and are an analyst favorite to win.
Appalachian State (auto bid) The Mountaineers- Leading scorer: Adrian Delf . 3rd tournament, first in 21 years! Please feel free to debate if it’s pronounced app a LAY shun or app a LACH un (there is a right answer). They’re in the first four (because they’re auto bid is…worthless. because their conference sucks.)
Norfolk State (auto bid) The Spartans- Leading scorer: Devante Carter (15.6 points) We don’t love this green and yellow look, it’s not cute. First four.
Oklahoma The Sooners- This is one of the better NCAA mascots, don’t @ me. Star Player: Austin Reaves. Oklahoma has had some big losses against tough teams, and will have trouble punching above their weight. Also, this happened in Norman (where OU is), so in case you forgot: OK is crazy.
Missouri The Tigers - I (Elena) have personal beef with Missouri and will actively be rooting against them. Their top scorer is Dru Smith, They boosted their credentials by beating Georgia in the SEC tourney.
Creighton The Blue Jays- In the news recently for the coach giving a racially insensitive and also just plain WEIRD pep talk after which he was suspended, but then we all kind of moved on. They’d been playing well but just got absolutely DESTROYED by my Hoyas. Will this inspire them to change their tune and regroup for the tourney? Top players : Marcus Zegarowoski who has a BAD line on his hair cut. They also have this guy Mahoney who wears sports goggles it’s so cute.
UCSB (auto bid) The Gauchos- what are these ?? like banditos?? Star player JaQuori McLaughlin.They’ve won 18 out of their last 19 games, but then again they’re in the Big West conference so what does that mean? Officials says: BEWARE THE GAUCHOS.
UVA The Cavaliers/The Wahoos- We initially counted out Virginia because of COVID, but they made the cut! UVA won the whole dang thing a few years ago, and then FAMOUSLY became the first No. 1 seed to be beat by a No. 16 seed. The Cavs are coached by Tony Bennett, but not THAT Tony Bennett. Their top scorer is Sam Hauser.
Ohio University (auto bid) The Bobcats- Not to be confused with THE Ohio State University. Leading Scorer : Jason Preston. They just have like very Ohio energy.
USC The Trojans - USC is a top sports school- if they were county, they’d have the 6th most Olympic medals ever. Recent drama because they lost to Colorado in the Pac-12 semis, which puts their seed in jeopardy. Will they be a 5 or 6 seed?? we don’t know! The Trojans can excel when faced with a smaller, less physical team such as a mid-major, but may be challenged by a bigger name. this team notably features actual BROTHERS Isaiah & Evan Mobely (Pac 12 POY)who are top players to watch.
Drake The Bulldogs- Drake had an okay season, but they’re not an incredible team. There are 64 spots to fill folks, all our takes can’t be hot. They are a first four team, and will compete for a spot in the real dance on thursday. Star Player: Joseph Yesephu, a name which sounds like Joseph in 2 different languages.
Wichita State The Shockers- They often make an appearance in the tournament, but never shine, which is surprising because their mascot is SCARY. Very Children of the Corn esque. Star Player: Tyson Etienne
Kansas The Jayhawks- Normally Kansas is a top contender (who frequently does not live up to expectations) but this year they’ve been… eh. So maybe without the pressure they will shine! Their fans chant “Rock Chalk, Jayhawk” which I don’t understand. They have had some COVID issues and missed their conference championship, but will still be eligible. Player to know: Ochai Agbaji, who used to play soccer!
Eastern Washington (auto bid) The Eagles- Third tournament appearance, lead scorer Tanner Groves (pretty cool name) and they have a cool logo. That’s all I got fam, again there are 64 teams i cannae.
Oregon The Ducks!- Yet another team that chose to go with the EGREGIOUS color combo of yellow and green. I guess at least with Oregon they’re sort of notorious for doing so. They don’t really have a star player (every time someone got good they got injured) but have a healthy starting five that is intimidating.
VCU The Rams- This is a very hit or miss team. Sometimes they can surprise you. Star Player: Na’Shon Hyland, Atlantic 10 POY.
Iowa The Hawkeyes- Another DOMINANT Big 10 squad, Iowa’s favored to make a run in the tourney thanks to Big Man and superstar Luka Garza. We are currently having a debate on whether or not this dude is hot or not, please weigh in. (He gives me John Tucker vibes??) Anyways, the questionable beau is 2x BIG10 Player of the Year, but their other star player Weiscamp (who normally hits a lot of 3’s) twisted his ankle so is questionable. Normally we aren’t super pro-bird in the mascot department, but notable the hawkeye logo is cool af.
Grand Canyon (auto bid) The Antelopes- (Guys you know antelope is the prey right? not very intimidating) Star player : Asbjorn Midtgaard yes he IS from Denmark no I cannot pronounce that for you. Baby’s first tourney!
SOUTH
Baylor The Bears- Though they flamed out of the Big 12 tourney, the bears are going to be a Team To Beat in the big dance. They’re also a BAPTIST uni, one of the first schools to admit women (which is surprising because…texas??), and their colors are green & yellow— which normally I am ADAMANTLY AGAINST but it is permitted in this case because they wear a lot of neon. Stars include Jared Butler and MaCio Teague. They were unstoppable at first but had COVID issues. Now they’re a number one seed with a dream and a basketball, just trying to win it all.
Hartford (auto bid) The Hawks- Yes. that’s right, HARTFORD CT BABY!!! The first tourney appearance! Leading scorer: Austin Williams. I don’t have high hopes but they’re just #happytobehere
UNC The Tar Heels - I have mixed feelings on the Tar Heels as a mascot but do appreciate the concept. UNC is a classic big basketball school that has slipped a little in the past few years, but because everything is rigged they’re still here. I’m not mad because I look really good in carolina blue. Star player: Garrison Brooks. Oh also, they can’t shoot 3’s for shit.
Wisconsin The Badgers- The Badgers were supposed to be VERY good this year, and they were not incredible! I blame this BIG 10, full of powerhouses. They play a VERY tough schedule, which helped them into the dance. Star Player: Micah Potter
Villanova The Wildcats- GET’CHA HEAD IN THE GAME. Jeremiah Robinson Earl is their star player, but their OTHER star player Collin Gillespie is injured and out for the season. Which is sad! Chris Arcidiacono (what even) is also a player on this team, who will look to follow in his brother Ryan’s footsteps (nicknamed the “arch of dimes”, now on the Bulls in the NBA, led Nova to victory in 2016)
Winthrop (auto bid) Also the Eagles- Leading scorer: Chandler Vaudrin. 11th journey to the tourney. They are a first four team- so their one of the ones that could be knocked out before anything even starts.
Purdue The Boilmakers- I am not sure what this mascot is…but I am intimidated. Also feels..pro-union which…we love. They pushed Ohio State in OT, and could sneak past some BIG names in the tournament. Trevion Williams is their top scorer.
North Texas (auto bid) The Mean Green- This a color mascot?? there also seems to be a bird? Punching their ticket in an overtime win in the CONFEReNCE USA (are we sure this is real ?) Star Player: Javian Hamlet (14 pts). 4th tournament appearance
Texas Tech The RED Raiders- This is one of those teams that is normally on the bubble or in the conversation about March Madness, but have only made a real run once, in 2019. They are great at drawing fouls, but were 12/20 on FTs against Texas, which is INEXCUSABLE. No excuse for missing FREE points folks! Their star Mac McClung, who used to be a point guard for Georgetown and TRANSFERRED because he thought Texas would be better but JOKES ON HIM GEORGETOWN IS HERE TO SHOCK THE WORLD BABY
Utah State- The Aggies- The Aggies are a TOP defensive squad, really shutting down the offenses of their opponents, which will be interesting to see play out here. I’m not sure what an aggie is (an agriculture…ist?) but whatever. Star Player: Neemias Queta
Arkansas- The Razorbacks : Pick this team to win your Mascot Bracket because 30-50 feral hogs are... unstoppable. Led by Moses Moody in points. They were upset by LSU in the SEC Tourney, mostly because they were VERY sloppy with their passing.
Colgate (auto bid) The Raiders OR the Toothpaste -They have had some COVID issues (smh who hasn’t!) Star Player: Jordan Burns. The won the Patriot league, which is comparatively a small conference but occasionally has provided some interesting upset.
Florida The Gators- They’re here I guess. I am running out of steam at this point. I really like this gator twitter account, if that’s anything. Star Player: Tre Mann. Oh! Also earlier this season they had a really scary moment when one of their players collapsed. Another reminder, these kids don’t get paid and they put their bodies through ALOT.
Virginia Tech The Hokies- A Mascot that seems…made up? We don’t hate them, but their uniforms that are burnt orange and maroon were specifically chosen to be original, which is bold! I mean, you might say those colors were unpopular because they don’t look good together but, too late now! Their top scorer is Keve Aluma (he’s a junior, so he’s not yet a Keve ALUMNA. See what I did there?????)
THE Ohio State University-The Buckeyes which is a nut but also a delicious candy!- EJ Liddell is a top scorer, Ohio is consistently a top team in this tourney (I always pick them and I feel like they let me down every time). Again, seems unfair for them to ALSO be good at basketball and football (you’re going to say that I didn’t criticize Michigan for that but they’re a harder school to get into and also my friend went there so! I never claimed to be impartial!)
Oral Roberts (auto bid) The Golden Eagles Leading Scorer Max Abmas (24 points per game!!) this is a super Christian school named ORAL i have QUESTIONS.
EAST
Michigan- The Wolverines aka Big Blue -A controversial top seed because they missed a bunch of games due to COVID and were named Big 10 regular season champs, again, despite missing these games, AND they didn’t win the auto bid (because the Big 10 is INSANE this year). In their game vs Maryland, coach Juwan Howard (who you may know as a member of the famous Fab Five Michigan team, and if not, check out the 30 for 30 about it) got in a FIGHT with the UMD coach and got thrown out with a double technical foul! Isaiah Liver (top scorer) is out right now with a stress fracture thingy in his foot so that’s not ideal.
Mount St Mary’s- (auto bid) The Mountaineers aka The Mount- Leading scorer :Damian Chong Qui, this their 6th tournament. People really like to pick them as a sleeper hit, but they’re first four this year.
Texas Southern (auto bid)The Tigers- Top scorer : Michael Weather. Winning the SWAC conference for their slot, which is a fricking silly name! In 2014 they got in big trouble for something but we don’t know what it’s really unclear.
LSU- The Tigers- My friend who is an LSU alumnus claims that LSU bout to “SHOCK THE WORLD AND WIN IT ALL” which seems like a stretch but they did go on quite the run in the SEC tournament. Before eventually losing to Alabama, which is a narrative that is giving me Football PTSD. Cameron Thomas is their top scorer, with a whopping 22 pts per game.
St Bonaventure (auto bid)- The Bonnies - What is this is it a bunny?? There was a scuffle in the Atlantic-10 tournament which we do LOVE. St Bonnies is a classic random conference winner, like I feel like they’re always here just vibing for no real reason. Leading scorer : Kyle Lofton
GEORGETOWN!!!!!!!!!! (AUTO BID????????)The Hoyas- Ok so like Thursday Georgetown beat Marquette in the first round of the tournament and I said “haha step one of our master plan to win our next 5 games, advance to the Big East championship and WIN taking us to the DANCE!” TURNS OUT I WAS NOT JOKING. The Hoyas have been on an INCREDIBLE totally unexpected run and have won 8 out of their last 10 games (losing only to UCONN). The mid-season Covid-protocol reset really helped the team gel and they have MOMENTUM going into the tournament. Now, we’ve been here before (#hoyaheartbreak) but this time there’s no expectations. Georgetown has had a rough stretch, but Patrick Ewing is confident he can turn this team around AND I AM TOO! HOYA SAXA BABY!!
Colorado The Buffaloes- Upset in the Pac 12 tourney, Colorado failed to automatically qualify (Even though they almost made a comeback). We also just learned that the plural of buffalo has a e. Their top player is McKinley Wright IV.
Florida State The Seminoles- FSU had turnover issues vs. Georgia Tech, and were upset, so they didn’t auto qualify. They also have, in my opinion, a problematic mascot! Top player: MJ Walker.
UNC Greensboro (auto bid)- The Spartans- Leading scorer : Isaiah Miller (19 pts per game)Weirdly, they are the better UNC team this year??
BYU The Cougars- Just found out their mascot isn’t just “the mormons”? Weird. They’re the only other good team in Gonzaga’s conference, and met up with them in the conference tournament final. They have been DOMINANT offensively. Alex Barcello is their top scorer. They’re just kinda…here.
Michigan State The Spartans - Normally a very good team, the Spartans did not dazzle this year. Their top scorer is Aaron Henry. Their coach, Izzo, is known for getting asses into gear in march so, I guess they could be a sleeper
UCLA The Bruins- The UCLA team is in the first four to play in, which a lot of people are seeing as a slight. UCLA is a blue blood and the winning-est team in NCAA Championship history, but they’re going to have to get IN first.
Texas (auto bid) The Longhorns - Beating Ok State for the Big 12 auto bid (which wasa big deal and also hilarious because Ok State is the Cowboys and Texas is literally a cow. Oh how the turn tables!). They have a controversial team song that supposedly “has no racial undertones” so I’m not gonna get into here but it DOES involve blackface. Texas was partially able to advance due to COVID-19 game cancelations, and this is their first Big 12 title so tbd to how this all will play out. Leading scorer: Andrew Jones. Their coach, Shaka Smart, used to coach a dominant VCU team.
Abilene Christian (auto bid) The Wildcats- Probably Christian I would assume. 2nd consecutive tournament but also only their second ever so, take that with a grain of salt. Leading scorer: Kolton Kohl (ok what)
UCONN The Huskies - Back in the Big East after a brief hiatus (aka they tried and failed to be a football school) , you’ve probably heard of their women’s team. The men are known for going on a shocking run to win in 2011 thanks to Kemba Walker and then again in 2014 (scarring me during my early bball fandom days). Leading scorer: Adama Sanogo.
Maryland The Terrapins- TURTLES! We love turtles (not the Mitch McConnell variety). Their top player is Eric Iala. They have very cool merch, but not always great uniforms in comparison. Tensions boiled over during their game with Michigan, leading to some technical fouls, something that also occurred throughout the regular season. Maybe they need anger management?
Alabama (autobid) The Crimson Tide- It seems really unfair that Alabama gets to be good at BASKETBALL this year too, but I guess that’s just the timeline from hell we’re all living through. I (Katrina) hate Alabama, I don’t support them in any sport and unfortunately, it’s looking like they could be a real contender for a deep run in the tournament. Leading scorer: Jaden Shackelford.
Iona (auto bid)The Gaels- (Which seems to be a Gaelic bruh?) Coached by former Louisville head coach Rick Pitino (famous for having solicited prostitutes for his players and paying his mistress to have an abortion AND various recruiting violations!) the Gaels are making a name for themselves. The university president literally just hired Pitino to raise brand awareness of this tiny school in New Rochelle but here they are! leading scorer: Isaiah Ross This is their 5th consecutive tournament appearance.
MIDWEST
Illinois (auto bid) The Fighting Illini- I cannot say this mascot for the life of me. Illinois coming in HOT after defeating Iowa to head to the Big 10 Championship (I told you the B1G is insane). They have a GIANT big man (that is a real basketball term) called Kofi Cockburn (this is supposedly pronounced COKE burn. Sure bruh) who is 7 ft tall and also have Ayo Dosunmu who look like a lil superhero with his mask on. NUMBER ONE SEED in their corner.
Drexel (auto bid)The Dragons ok that is bad ass- Leading Scorer : Camren Wynter (17.3 pts per game). This is their first tournament in Elena’s lifetime! (since 1996). Despite having an intimidating mascot they are…fucked to have to go against Illinois.
Loyola Chicago - (auto bid)- The Ramblers (maybe after priests who go on too long in homily??) You may remember this team from their Cinderella story run in 2018, where they upset Miami AND Tennessee to make it ALL THE WAY TO THE FINAL FOUR (where they lost to Michigan). The run was pretty clearly #blessed by their adorbale chaplain, SISTER JEAN. Now 101 years old, Sister Jean is an avid fan and supporter of the Loyola Community. If God is with us, WHO can be against us??? Star player: Cameron Krutwig. 7th tournament run.
Georgia Tech (auto bid) The Yellow Jackets- Upset Florida State to win the ACC, GT is looking HOT. Leading scorer : Moses Wright. The ACC is typically a bball powerhouse conference but this year idk what is going on because everyone sucks, so Idk if being the champ really means anything. Guess we’ll see. Also, they have a Waffle House on campus.
Tennessee The Vols - A Fun Fact is that Tennessee is the volunteer state because they had a lot of volunteers for the 1812 war. I’m not sure how that translates to a mascot but, now you know! They might have to play without starting forward John Fulkerson, who had a concussion vs. Florida. He’s their best on rebounds, but they still have top scorer Jaden Springer in their pocket.
Oregon State (auto bid) The Beavers- Oregon State is known as a BID stealer because they weren’t expected to win the Pac-12, and the team that SHOULD have been the auto bid will now take an at-large bid away from a bubble team. haha too bad. Beavers are fricking adorable (linking to the best beave ever, BEAVE! ). Leading scorer : Ethan Thompson who scores a lot of 3s (this is a trend from the NBA making its way through the NCAA)
Oklahoma State The Cowboys - As mentioned, they were upset in the Big 12 tournament by the Longhorns. Their top player, Cade Cunningham (who is a petit 6’8”), scores 20pts per game. They got in big trouble last summer abotu recruitment violations (from a former asst. coach) and were banned from post-season activity…which you might be like: hey, isn’t THIS post season? Correct! But they’re appealing the ban, and until they figure it out, they’re allowed in.
Liberty (auto bid) The Flames (of the Holy Spirit I assume)- An university founded by religious fanatics that doesn’t let girls wear jeans or believe in homosexuality, we do not stan but their basketball team is randomly pretty good. Leading Scorer : Darius McGhee (15.6 per game) This is their 5th trip to the tourney.
SDSU (auto bid)The Aztecs- With a 23-4 record and their 13th tournament appearance, the San Diego Aztecs are lookin good. Leading scorer : Matt Mitchell
Syracuse The Orange - (EYE ROLL)Why are you even HERE. Every year lately Syracuse is on the Bubble and EVERY YEAR the Committee kisses Jim Boeheim’s ass and lets them in! WHY! LEAVE! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE and then to come in as an 11 seed??? REALLY??? *storms off*
WVU The Mountaineers- Katrina: COUNTRY ROOOOADDDS TAKE MEE HOMMEEEEE TO THE PLAAAACE I BELOOONGGGG, WEST VIRGINAAAAAAA Elena: You know that song is about WESTERN virginia right? Anyway the mountaineers (who have the best claim to this mascot because MOUNTAINEERS ARE ALWAYS FREE is the state motto) are in a tough conference, but they’ve been playing well, and we like the font choice of their logo, which is KEY. Miles McBride is the name to know.
Morehead State (autobid)The Eagles- Leading scorer: Johnnie Broome (13 per game). This is their 8th tourney.
Clemson The Tigers- Yet another FOOTBALL team invading the Basketball space! Like, I cannot be larning about all these schools? Stick to the Status quo! Yes that is another HSM reference. High School Musical is the best basketball FILM of all time. They lost pretty early in the ACC tournament, but are a bubble team that snuck in.
Rutgers The Scarlet Knights- During the big 10 championship game, they showed us the Rutgers boys touring the Indy speedway in Indianapolis, which seems like the a really great team bonding activity. They kinda snuck in to the bracket, considering they’re not actually that good. They also had some SICK marbled warm up jackets (like the Arsenal ones we told y’all about).
Houston (auto bid) The Cougars - There are so many CAT teams. Why???? Why not like…iguanas! I guess that’s not relevant but needed to share. Houston used to be really good in the 80’s when they were nicknamed Phi Slama Jama (like a fraternity, get it?), now theyre like…fine. They’re in the American conference, which isn’t great. Their top player is Quentin Grimes (no relation to Grimes the singer). They have a high seed (no.2) and a nice placement, so could go on a run here.
Cleveland State (auto bid)The Vikings- Star player : Torrey Patton, 3 rd tournament. Never not missing an excuse to reshare this vid
REPLACEMENT TEAMS: Up until Tuesday, any team can pull out of the dance because of COVID (they have to have seven days of negative testing to participate), the following four teams could snag their spot: Louisville (The Cardinals ), Colorado State (The Rams) , St Louis University (The Billikens- which seems to be a little gremlin???), Ole Miss (The Rebels). We’re not researching those for you out of hope that we won’t need them
TOTAL EAGLE COUNT: 4
TOTAL SPARTAN COUNT: 3
TOTAL MOUNTAINEER COUNT: 3
