Football in a time of Futbol: NFL Week 10
There is an overwhelming amount of sports about to be happening, with the world cup kicking off this coming Sunday right before the regular slot of NFL Games, and I am positive that what content this blog produces is your NUMBER ONE concern right now. As futbol fans and football nonfans, we are also kind of concerned! Luckily the NFL is inevitable, so we will try not to slack off during the world cup. That being said, it’s hard to imagine the next few weeks being better than the action we saw this past sunday, so let’s get into it:
The Games We Didn’t Watch
Bucs 21 - Seahawks 16: Ok the NFL went to MUNICH?!?!?!? And German people freaking LOVED IT?!?!!? And sang WAGON WHEEL?!?!!? American culture has peaked in influence: we will never do more for world culture than we did with this. Not that we care about the game, but Tom Brady’s side looked much better than they have (despite him throwing his first interception in awhile and a dumb ass little play where they had him on the field as a wide receiver??? Fam what??)- Maybe he won in germany as an homage to his ex-wife’s ancestors? Is this all for her?
Steelers 20 - Saints 10: I was too wiped out to go to the Saints bar, and looking at the highlights (lowlights) I’m glad I didn’t waste my time. This game was winnable for the Saints on paper, and we need to do a massive reevaluation if we want to save this season.
Lions 31 - Bears 20: Despite losing the last three games, I think the Bears are feeeling good about their team right now, and they should be with the way QB Justin Fields has looked. The Lions, for their part, needed this win and we’re happy they got it in comeback fashion.
Dolphins 39 Browns 17: Miami sits on top of their division after this impressive offensive performance. Tuanon is probably thriving as much as their beloved QB is right now, bc he is firing long passes and running this team in a way that makes doubters look really dumb.
Titans 17 Broncos 10: Thank god I didn’t have to watch the Broncos, but Derrick Henry do be killing it.
Giants 24 Texans 16: The G Men continue to impress, the Texans continue to bore me.
Chiefs 27 Jaguars 17: I mean, what did you expect to happen?
Colts 25 Raiders 20: I’m sorry this is the FUNNIEST OUTCOME POSSIBLE. No way the raiders coach keeps his job after losing to a team coached by Jeff Saturday! It isn’t real!
Cardinals 27- Rams 17: Ok first of all a SUSPICIOUS number of teams scored 17 points this week…someone look into this. Plus this score is the same as the Chiefs game??? Illuminati has infilitrated Scorigami! The Cardinals NEEDED this win, and despite JJ Watt missing out on a touchdown that should have been, they got it. The Rams…not great dan!
The Games We Did Watch
Panthers 25 - Falcons 15
Did I expect this to be a good game? Of course not. First of all, it’s TNF, which has been utterly unwatchable all season, despite Jeffy B’s best efforts to pour money into the broadcast. Second of all, it’s the FALCONS and the PANTHERS. I don’t CARE if they are both better ranked teams than the Saints right now, I will NEVER care to watch them! THIRD of all, it’s the falcons and the panthers, and they JUST PLAYED EACH OTHER IN WEEK 8. Like?? We literally just did this? What is this a baseball series? No thanks! Anyways to say I watched this game would be generous, but after being presented with the evidence above, would you choose to watch? I didn’t think so. I couldn’t tell you a single thing that happened (arguably they shouldn’t be in this section then, it’s true, but I wanted to plead my case), I can tell you they scored very few points in the first half. Baker Mayfield is being the least dramatic he has in YEARS (which, to me, is VERY suspicious behavior…what is he planning…), celebrating QB P.J Walker’s win with the team. Conveniently, Walker is injured this week and Mayfield will start. It’s giving All About Eve, a movie I’m sure few of you have watched but all of you should!!!!!
Vikings 33 - Bills 30
Boy oh boy. So rarely in this cursed sport is a match up everything they build it up to be, but today, the gods have granted us a reprieve from their vengeance. Today? We feasted. We lived. We watch the Vikings beat the Bills in the game of the year. I know you’re rolling your eyes, and thinking I’m over selling it, but I’m not. Let me set the scene for you: Bills stadium, a windtunnel of cold in bumfuck new york, packed with thousands of the most terrifying fans you’ve ever met. A quarterback who everyone says has an elbow injury, who is going to enter the game and play his way aka treat his body like a sack of meat and throw it around with NO CONSIDERATION of our own mortality (to me, that is what football is about). On the other side, we have the whitest man you’ll ever meet as a quarterback for a team whose mascot is literally the whitest people you can imagine. And yet- they are calling him Kirk “Thuggins”. They are using the word swagger in the same sentence as his own name. A dream he didn’t know he had- already realized. On his side, he has a disgruntled wide receiver who I guess should have been drafted to the bills but they traded that pick and that…matters to people for some reason? Ok and the game itself: We start out going TD for TD. Josh Allen shows no sign of injury, his targets Stefon Diggs and Gabe Davis making 2 INCREDIBLE catches on 3rd and longs to keep their drive alive. The Bills start to pull away, but late in the 4th quarter, we see the vikings make it interesting. Justin Jefferson, our aforementioned wide receiver with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove makes the CATCH OF HIS LIFE. Down 4 points with less than a minute left, they get to the red zone, inches away from the goal. They do a QB sneak. NO DICE. They redo it and supposedly get a touchdown. FLAG ON THE PLAY. Another QB sneak to no success, turning the ball over. Bills take over just in front of their own endzone. I am sure you think you can guess where this is headed (A SAFETY?!?!) but it’s even worse- it’s a fumbled snap. The ball is loose. The Vikings recover AND GET A TOUCHDOWN AFTER ALL. Scoring and leading by 3, is that the end? NO! Because there are still :37 seconds left, aka three eternities in football!!!!! Josh Allen drives down the field, they tie it up!!!!!! OVERTIME! Normally, never much love when we go OT, but I didn’t want this game to end!!!! In OT the vikings got the ball first but are held to a FG. The Bills get the ball and start moving and grooving and it looks like josh will win the day after all and OH GOD NO JOSH ALLEN THROWS AN INTERCEPTION AND IT’S ALL OVER. VIKINGS WIN. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Packers 31- Cowboys 28
Here’s what I’ll say is that I just binge watched all of Love Is Blind Season 3 and somehow, the Packers and the Cowboys are my favorite couple to come out of it. Much like the majority of the cast, both Dallas and Green Bay are inherently unlikeable squads who are, somehow, employing a level of cognitive dissonance I cannot believe. Too Deep? Let me simplify it for you: They are Zanab & Cole. They hate each other from the start but they are both the most truly horrible people you will ever meet. I will not answer any questions at this time! Watching this game after LIB and after the Bills-Vikings turmoil that we all were living for, it felt like a cheap imitation! It was NOT giving! We started out in SNOOZEFEST mode, no scores, but it’s Lambeau in November so I will give them a lil cold weather pass. The Cowboys took the lead, and we thought we were seeing a tale we’ve come to know and love this season: The Packers losing. Alas, not meant to be. They made a comeback. Aaron Rodgers suddently have people to throw the ball to? Not sure when that happened. It went to OT, and as I’ll say for the second time in this blog post and for the hundredth time on this blog, there truly is never much love when we go OT.
49ers 22 - Chargers 16
I (Katrina) did something CRAZY and went to a local bar on a SUNDAY NIGHT (skool night!!!) to watch the 49ers, a team near and dear to my HUSBAND’s 😍heart. As per much of the time this season, the Niners started off the game playing like ASS (a fact I yelled out repeatedly in the bar) (well the defense was doing great but as faithful readers will recall, you have to both stop the other team from scoring and you yourself need to score) and ended the first half with an EJECTION that imho was unwarrented. i get it, the NFL is all SENSIE now because of the whole Tua concussion thing, but when two guys ACCIDENTALLY fall into each other (legit the SF guy was like free falling in the air, 0 way he could have changed his trajectory) and hit their heads, seems dumb that one guy should get EJECTED. Anyways I of course went to bed before the second half so no idea how it happened but apparently the 49ers turned it around and won!
Commanders 32 - Eagles 21
The winning streak for Philly ends in shocking fashion in this loss to the Commanders, who, for their part, seem to have a strategy that consists exclusively of flying by the seat of their pants. Go off! Jalen Hurts made some errors that ended up defining the game- like location for real estate agents, football is all about turnovers turnovers turnovers! Pro tip: avoid them. In soccer we talk about the new manager bounce, could this be a potential new owner bounce? Although, a top contender to purchase the team is Jeff Bezos, and look how that worked out for Thursday Night Football. We’re unoptimistic! Taylor Heineicke, who is currently the QB for washington, seemed as suprised by the win as anyone (but dw Carson Wentz, Pete Wentz’ brother should return soon from his finger injury). I mean, I don’t hae a horse in this race (the streak of wins had to end sometime, this isn’t 1972!) but I will say the Washington Commanders NEED to be stopped for this:
Was it a little funny last week with Kirk Cousins? Yea, ok, I’ll admit it. But if I have to see them dressing up these white dudes in a mountain of icy chains every week on twitter…I will riot.
Looking Ahead…
Byes for next week: Jaguars, Dolphins, Seahawks, Bucs
Spicy Match Ups: The Saints are faced with an uphill battle against the Rams (1pm). The Cowboys take on the Vikings (4pm). The 49ers will look to extend their solid in-division record at the Cardinals (Monday night).
World C-Updates: If you’re here you have definitely already received my directive to read up on the world cup but let me say it a little louder for you READ UP ON THE WORLD CUP. MEET THE TEAMS. MEET MORE OF THE TEAMS. People are saying these posts are “funny” and “informative” and “going to make me bet on a team that will probably lose” and that is why we do this folks! It’s not JUST to feed our egos (though that is an added bonus!), it’s also to inform the masses so we can overthrow the government!!!!! haha jk @fbi don’t arrest us we just drink beer and watch sports.
